Sideways (movie)

Two friends travel through wine country. It reminded me of the August trip my friend and I made. I could identify with Jack, since I know nothing about wine and don't have an inkling to learn more.

I got a kick out of the depicted wine culture. I sat there laughing because I know people like that. One of them was sitting next to me in the theater. ;)

This movie was funny. It helped that I did not have high expectations considering how often I'd heard it was a great movie. I'd never heard one of my friends laugh that much and loud in over three years...that definitely says something about this movie. Cheers, have some agua fria.

Before the movie we ventured out to taste some Singapore cuisine. I have a little problem when my dish arrives and I can still see red in the meat. Nope, not for me. Top that off with the degree of spiciness, I didn't really enjoy it. The cool thing was the presentation though. The dish had 1/4 a pineapple with the skin and leaves. I had to lay the pineapple on its side to see my friend across the table.

Membership Revoked

It appears my honorary nerdville card has been revoked. I was lost in the techie store. I had to ask for help. This was unheard of years ago.

People were rude too. Standing in line to ask for what I needed, two people cut in front of me. Even though they had seen me! What the hell?! It's a FIFO queue, jerks. I was not going to stand by and allow that...and I didn't.

Leaving the parking lot I saw what I thought would be my future residence. I was ready to walk into the leasing office and sign a lease. No matter how much I wanted to live there, it wasn't in the cards. It was an apartment complex for people over 50. It was beautiful though. (sigh)

KVM Switch

I'm off to nerdville to get a KVM switch. Thanks to my little brother who surprised me by sending me his box. He upgraded to a gamer PC.

Multiple machines at work and two machines at home. Do you hear that? It's carpal tunnel calling me by name.

250-square-feet

Read an article about small living spaces. 250-square-feet sounds awful, but 250 sq. ft. for two people is a nightmare. I'm in a 850 sq. ft. apartment and it seems about right.

I should be forced to live in a 250 sq. ft. apartment so I can rid myself of all the stuff I don't need. Plus, there would be less surface area to clean.

Breakfast

Girl (on her cellphone): Hi sweetie.
..
Girl: That's sweet. Yes, I'd like some breakfast.
..
Girl (obviously annoyed): A bagel? You did say breakfast, didn't you? A bagel is not breakfast.

Come on now. This is America. Land of eggs, bacon, sausage, potatoes... ;)

Conversation

I had dinner with A tonight. I don't know why but we always wind up going to Italian restaurants. We have to throw some diversity into dinners. Everyone there was on a date, except for us. We could tell the people there were on their initial dates, you know the ones where you are still on your best behavior, putting your best self forward.

Conversation was fun as always further proven by the eavesdroppers in the next table. We've become those people we complain about...the ones that talk about work outside of work. When the hell did that happen? We talked about the chaos we have each been facing in our respective jobs.

I made a strong effort not to ask about her boyfriend. I figured if she wanted to talk about him, she would. Sure enough, she did. She expects a proposal this year. I hope she gets one, because even though she does not come right out and say it, it's what she wants. They've been together 11 years.

I met A when she had been with him for 8 years. Back then I thought that was crazy. I started asking the annoying question she got from the other people in her life, "When are you planning on getting married?"
Sometime later I realized it was none of my damn business and that maybe the arrangement they have is working for them. Obviously it is working for them, many marriages don't last as long as their relationship.

I'm happy that she is happy. We are friends but I wouldn't say we are close friends. It's funny, but there are distinctions in friendships. She told me she wanted a small wedding with only her family and close friends. Right that second, I knew I was not going to get an invitation. I don't fit the definition of close friend. And that's okay, but I'd want to witness a church ceremony, don't care much for the reception. ;)

Close friends? Hmmm. The number has diminished. Time and distance have not helped. Many people consider me their close friend, but I don't consider them mine. That means I am an equal-opportunity friend. hahahhah

Life's Joy

In contrast to the sadness, there is happiness.

A is due in March.
J is due in May.
M is due in July.
M is due in October.

I drop potential names here and there to no avail. Tell me, what's wrong with Mazu? I think it's a cute girl's name. Then there is my name. hahahaha ;)

Just - Really - Actually - I think

I use those words too often. It bugs me. I'm making a conscious decision to stop it.

My last two conscious efforts with respect to vocabulary were:
(1) Stop using "like"
Like, you know, right?
She was, like, getting on my nerves.

(2) Stop using f*ck (or any version of it)
Hard to believe but there were a couple of years where that was audible in almost every other sentence that came out of my mouth.
Did you see that f*cking wave?
What the f&ck!
You have to be f$cking kidding me.

If I'm around people that use those words often enough, I start to do so also. I'm a recovering something-or-other.

Sadness

It's never the right time to be sad.

Yesterday I spent about an hour with a coworker whose mother is dying of cancer. He doesn't know if she'll be around next week or next month. It's serious. The times I have asked him how he is doing, his answer is "Well, my mom is dying." There is no comeback to that phrase. I've interpreted as "I don't want to talk about it." It turns out that he does want to talk about it.

We discussed, if we had a choice, the two options: (1) knowing with plenty of time that someone is going to die or (2) having someone die all of a sudden. First option, I think, gives you a chance to prepare, accept, and to say "I love you" or whatever it is that needs to be said. But I don't think I would want the last living memories to be of pain and the person I love withering away.

Today I got an email from a friend of mine whose longtime pet died. I see a pet as another member of the family. She and her family are in mourning. I feel for them.

A few hours later came a phone call from my mother basically telling me to prepare for the worst with regards to my favorite uncle. He's not well, and he feels he could die. He asked my father to take care of his son should anything happen.
I started crying. I got a glimpse of what my coworker has been going through for months.

News like this brings out a selfish aspect of my character. I'm not ready to let my loved ones go. Immediate thoughts of my parents and brother come to mind. My own mortality.

One day at a time.

Promise (quote)

"Death is inevitable. It's a promise made to each of us at birth."
-Mary Alice, character on Desperate Housewives

As far as I know, it has not been attributed to anyone else.

Singing

There is a hidden camera show on VH1 called Motormouth. It's premise is catching people singing in their cars. Some are good, many are not good at all. Off key, don't know the words. People dance in their cars. Talk to themselves. It's funny!

Part of the reason I find it entertaining is because I sing in my car and at home. I'm talking about SINGING, no holds barred. I've had entire conversations in the car where I play the role of all parties. But I'm very aware of the surroundings though. If there is a red light, I don't sing. I guess I care if people think I am crazy.

Lately singing has been making me happy. If I've had a sh*tty day at work, as soon as I'm in the car I find a song and belt it out. I get in a good mood.

Am I any good? Honestly, I really don't think so. I would never karaoke, that's for sure. That would take major alcohol. ;)

Stance

Things don't seem right in the world, when I'm blogging and convicted murderer Donald Beardslee was executed a few minutes ago in San Quentin State Prison (some 30 miles away).

A few years ago I was for the death penalty. I remember spending a Saturday signing Amnesty-type letters at church. We sat in a circular table and passed the letters along after the priest talked about the issue at hand. I absolutely agreed with most of the letters and signed them without a second thought. One of the letters was against the death penalty. Everyone signed it and then it got to me. I didn't sign it. Everyone looked at me strangely. I didn't think things could get more uncomfortable, but I was wrong. The next letter was against abortion. Everyone signed it, except for me. There was nothing I could do but smile and say, "I don't agree with the church's stance on both of these issues."

Today I am still in favor of the death penalty, but wavering. I'm still 100% for women's rights over their bodies.

Sunday Lunch

I invited myself over to a friend's home for lunch and to view some pictures. I thought I'd eat some simple noodles. I arrived to a Chinese feast. Seven dishes, all freshly made. It was great. They feasted on crab and fish, while I feasted on the other stuff. (I don't eat seafood.)

The men were cooking, while the women chatted. Now that's what 2005 is suppose to be like. ;)

I'm invited for Chinese New Year's. Looking forward to it.

Minor Luxuries

I don't have material needs. Food, clothing and shelter are covered. The next items go against my new fiscal agenda, which is to save, save, save.

I spent hours researching satellite radio. Two companies to choose from: Sirius and XM Radio. Why? Two reasons: (1) tired of commercials and (2) my Spanish music choices are limited. (One of the reasons I miss L.A.) The research was to determine which service I should go for. In the end, I was wondering why I had to limit myself to one. Why not both?

Then came TiVo research. My friends rave about this thing and I've seen why. I've been fighting this purchase for a long time, but I'm weakening.

Do I need them? No, not at all. Do I want them? Hell, yes, which is in direct contrast to save, save, save.

During one of my blog reading sessions, I came across an article about the cost of staying connected. It adds up, but we never fully realize it because we think of it as a monthly expense not a yearly one. My staying connected cost (land line, cell, ISP, cable, Netflix) comes to $171/month or roughly $2052/year. Do I want to add $36/month?

I believe I've just talked myself out of it. ;)

TV Imports

I feel cheated with respect to TV shows. I read something about numerous U.S. TV shows that are exported to what seems like all corners of the world.

If that's the case, where are the imports? I'm not talking about the Latin American soaps, I know where to find those.

The last thing I need are more options. But I'm curious and I atleast want the choice. Subtitled, not dubbed. Pet peeve: It irks me to hear something in English (or Spanish) and read the incorrect translation.

Just Ask

One of the hardest things for me to do is ask for help, which is weird because I go out of my way to help people out if I can. Part of it is pride..."I can figure it out on my own." The other part is fear. Fear that if I ask, I'll get no for an answer. This explains why I sometimes feel overwhelmed, like today and probably tomorrow.

Men

First Monday of the year and time to go back to work. I have a crush on one of my coworkers. Nothing is going to come of it...he's married.

If I'd seen him somewhere other than work, he would not have caught my attention. He's an average looking joe. He's not really well liked. He's arrogant. He interrupts people. He's moody. Why am I attracted to him? He's a freakin' genius. He's confident. He has his nice moments. He has this smirk like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. I'm attracted to his brain.

I've been in love with three men. Two of them were average looking while one was too handsome for my own good. Two were terribly intelligent. One was funny, one was sweet and one was an #sshole. All were outgoing. All three were confident and stubborn. We all argued and we all liked to win.

I'm on a mission to identify what attracts me, because it's never the same. Intelligent and funny are at the top of my list.

2005

Today marks the one year anniversary of my blog. 365 days in 2004 and I managed 139 entries. The entries were for the most part superficial, I decided not to write about personal things even though this is anonymous. I'll aim to change that a bit, but I am still going to document my movie watching. ;)

There was no drama in 2004. I had a peaceful year which I am thankful for. Hoping for a peaceful 2005 with some healthy excitement.

New year's resolutions? Sh*t, I'm not even going to bother. We'll see what happens. I'll just have to remind myself that we all make the time and put forth the effort for the things we really want.

I'm with my family until tomorrow evening. Then it's back to my single, adult life.