Online dating...again...sort of

Online dating. Yep, I have joined those out there trying this. I have joined sites in the past to see who was out there and looking. I have joined to see who I am matched up with. It was a curiosity for the most part I never followed through.

Well, it is more than a curiosity now. I am actively trying online dating. I am about to send an email to someone. I could call him since he already gave me his phone number, but not sure I want to call yet. I have wondered if it is a delay tactic on my part or what.

I have to admit there is a fear. Last relationship kind of hurt. That would be an understatement. And now here I am, putting myself out there as much as is possible in virtual land.

Another Tuesday

It's been one of those days. A day where I am quick to point out that some people dropped the ball. Why? Because their lack of planning is wreaking havoc on my schedule, work that I am not prepared for. This means I am starting to feel a bit of stress. I don't like that.

Last day of July. Goodness. Can't September get here already so I can go on vacation.

A 2 week tour to Rome, Greece, Egypt, Israel will cost around 4500. I am really on the fence on this one. It will be a last minute decision.

As I write this E is starting her divorce proceedings. I keep telling her to hire a lawyer if only for information sake.

Another Art/Wine Festival

I went to the local art and wine festival. Again, I felt the need to support the arts. I bought a print of some hearts. I also bought a picture of Italian side street. A city I have not been to ....yet.

The pictures of France were beautiful in a different way. I love Italy...Rome! I wonder if visiting France would have that type of an affect on me. Would I love it more than Italy? I doubt it, but there is only one way to find out.

I am going to select some of my best pictures and develop them to display them as art. Why am I paying when I have some really good shots of my own that will bring a smile to my face.

Mass was about forgiveness today. Funny how sometimes the message ties into the current drama in my life. Drama no more because N is on vacation for a few weeks. Forgiveness can wait.

Gilroy Garlic Festival

Finally made it to the garlic festival after six years of saying I wanted to go. I went with K. We had fun sampling all the food and watching the arts/crafts. Bought a bracelet....you know, supporting the arts. It's blue, of course.

The weather reached 100 degrees. I'm not cut out for hot weather. Never was really to tell you the truth.

Only took three pictures with a film camera, the digital camera felt too heavy due to the batteries. Wonder how long it is going to take me to develop that roll of film.

I was warned

I was warned about N. I was told she had used people in the past. Never thought it would happen to me because I have helped her so much this past year. Wake up time. She tried to screw me over. She'll lose more than I do, she depends on me more when getting her work done.

I was pissed off.
Now I am hurt.

I wish I could just stay pissed off and leave out the hurt part.

She's on an extended vacation. Good! We need a break and I need time to chill out.

Let's try this again

I can't believe I have not blogged anything in 2007 until today. The intention is always there but I never get around to it. The odd thing is I spend a good hour reading other people's blogs who update every single day.

I'm thinking it will be fun to go back and read all of my entries. See how much things have changed and how much things have not changed. The latter will be the scariest.

Crummy

I'm feeling ill at the moment. I hope it is only something I ate and not the flu. I have to be on a plane on Sunday which has a layover in Denver. The same Denver that experienced a "powerful blizzard" today. The same Denver I was stuck in a few years ago due to bad weather.

A friend and I had a long conversation about nothing. We were trying to figure out what to give each other for x-mas.

m: "What do you want?"
a: "I don't know, nothing really."
m: "Yeah, me either. Maybe a CD by Patrizio Buone."
a: "Who?"
m: "An Italian I saw on public television."
a: "I like Michael Buble."
m: "When did you start listening to Michael Buble?"
a: "It's been a while."
m: "We're getting old."
a: "Yeah."

Gift giving has lost its fun. I used to enjoy shopping for people, now it's a duty. Another task to cross off my list. Maybe next year we'll scratch gifts altogether. All gifts are going to be late this year.

m: "By the way, your gift is going to be late. Let's celebrate El Dia de Reyes."
a: "Yeah, let's exercise our Mexican traditions."
m: "Sounds good."
a: "I participated in a Posada."
m: "What's that?"
a: "Mexican tradition."
m: "Really?"

Which picture to use?

I added my profile to a dating site. I'm ready for another relationship. It has taken me a very long time to reach this decision. For me it had to be a decision, it couldn't just happen again. I had to dig deep and figure out my issues. Let me tell you that was fun. jjejejej

Finding the picture to post with my profile took some time. I wanted a recent picture that was decent. Well, let me rephrase that, one that looked good not just decent. This was followed by cropping and reviewing. Wanting to put the best face forward to strangers, this PR agent needs some practice. I want an engaging profile that will peak curiosities, but I don't want to cross the line into blurring the truth.

Another chance

When is it okay to stop giving people another chance? I wonder if I am being too hard on her. If history is proof of things to come, she doesn't deserve another chance. She has shown me her refusal to change which is not good, but her refusal to even acknowledge her part in the turmoil, no can do...that cannot be ignored.

My questioning comes from the fact that I would want another chance if I was in her shoes. "Treat others like you would like to be treated" runs through my head. I have made a decision though. That decision is we are each accountable for our own actions and she must be accountable for hers.

Procrastination

If I search back to one of my previous postings I will probably find a new year's resolution about putting a stop to procrastination. Here I am in the wee hours of the morning posting after a long absence instead of doing what I should be doing which is writing up some documents for a meeting tomorrow. I'm under the impression that I do my best work under pressure. Right now, sleep is the only thing I want, but I cannot show up tomorrow without the documents. I don't know what my damn problem is. I will find anything and everything to do rather than what I should be doing. This is a personal trait that really pisses me off.

I wonder if I should even say that in 2007 I will change my procrastinating ways. I've done it so many times before to no success. I have hope though, that one miraculous day this trait will be gone never to be seen again. I like my optimism. Or is it just plain denial, daydreaming, a joke.

Two months ago today

I was in Rome. I fell head over heels in love with the city. There is no better way to say it, to express it. I have been harboring dreams of living there. Daydreams, night dreams I am in Italy. All my readings since then have to do with Italy. Rome seduced me. The sing song of spoken Italian was music to my ears.

Italy worked it's magic on me. If someone asks me about my vacation, I'm told my face starts to glow and my smile never ceases. The craziest thing about my trip is that I came back with ideas of getting married in Italy. Me? The same person who doesn't believe marriage is necessary. My fantasy would be complete if I was marrying an Italian. But I recognize it for what it is a fantasy.

For what it's worth I am already planning a trip for 2007.

Movie Kick...Again

I'm back on my movie kick again. I'm relying more on DVDs than the movie theatre these days. My new way of procrastinating. When I don't want to do something, either because I feel it is too overwhelming or I just plain do not want to do it, I find something unproductive to do. What am I avoiding these days? Making reservations for my vacation. Buying my plane tickets. Finalizing my itinerary. I look forward to being off for six weeks, but then I get an overwhelming feeling and I don't look forward to it. The last time I had six weeks off was when I was under 17 years of age for goodness sake.

One lazy Saturday a few weeks ago I saw two movies that I just adored. I loved the movies so much I plan to own them. I once said I could not understand why people bought movies. I have joined those people, some movies you just want to own.

Must Love Dogs

The Upside of Anger

Romantic? Moi?

I read Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice a very long time ago. I don't remember it making a great impression on me, so it's on the list to reread. As far as the 2005 movie version? It made me sigh, it made me smile and it made me laugh. I loved it. It fed to that romantic side of me, which is usually hidden away. I identified with Elizabeth, but more with Mr. Darcy. Being misunderstood has been a little bit of a constant. Misunderstood because people come to their own conclusions on very little input from me. I am very selective with who gets to know the "real" me. And since the real me can be somewhat sarcastic, well, that usually does not leave the greatest of impressions. I also can be pretty quiet which can come off as being a bit of a snob. So you see, this is why I was in tune with Mr. Darcy.


I liked the girl power aspect of Blue Crush. To know that young girls can have sport movies directed at them is wonderful. Of course there need to be a lot more movies for girls. Plus this movie reminded me of our Maui trip in April. There was no way in hell we were going to take surfing lessons considering we don't even know how to swim.

Under the Tuscan Sun was on TV and I loved it a little more this time because of my pending trip to Italy. It has been my dream for many, many years to make it to Italy. I don't know what it is about that country that captured my attention, but it has never wavered. I've built it up so much in my head over the years that I run the risk of being disappointed, but I doubt that will be the case. The movie adds to the dream, to live in Italy, to fall in love in Italy...mostly the latter.

A Chorus Line

We went to see A Chorus Line. My first way off-Broadway show. It was a fun outing. I was sitting there enjoying the music and the dancing and wondered why I was not given the talent of the arts. It looks like fun, though I know there is a lot of 'blood, sweat and tears' in such a career choice. I'm the one who wants to run off and join the circus after any Cirque du Soleil .

Hiking Season

is here! I could have gone at any time, but the weather is just right for it. Get there early in the morning to be done by noon before the heat kicks in. It was hot yesterday, so hot that I finished my water before I was done with the trail.

Work has been taking up it's fair share of my life. Exercise classes the other part. Sleep the third part. Weekends are catch up time with all the errands. When I write it down like this, it sounds like I am wasting the "best years of my life." Part of me feels, that is actually a true statement. Work-Life balance sounds like a great thing but incorporating it is not so easy.

I'm counting down the weeks to September 15th. This is the day my sabbatical starts. I realized my procrastinating *ss waited too long to get my passport. It's on my agenda for this week. Have to go take some pictures.

I've dropped the ball communicating with some of my friends. I have two cards in my bag which were to be mailed in June. It's July now and it seems stupid to senf them because they are way overdue. Things change when you are not there to experience with them first hand.

Sad day

Yesterday my boss' boss scheduled a last minute meeting. Fifteen minutes. It's purpose was to let us know one of our coworkers was in the intensive care unit. When I arrived at work this morning there was an email saying he passed away last night. He had an accident that caused severe head injuries.

He was a nice guy, always smiled, smart and absent minded. (I don't mean this disrespectfully.) In meetings people had to pay attention because one minute he was talking about one thing and the next minute it was something else there was really no flow of thought, but we all knew that for a successful project all the tangents needed to be pieced together because all the information was there.

I see my coworkers more than my own family, which explains the shock I'm feeling. All the mortality questions that follow a death really f*ck with my head.

Expensive Europa

One of my friends announced she is going to Europe for 10 days in October. She says the cost is going to be about $3000. This number does not include shopping. Damn, I am out of the loop when it comes to overseas travel costs.

I need to buckle down about my own trip. First on the list will be my passport. (I'll need that for Mexico anyway starting next year.) I stopped by the bookstore yesterday to look at the travel books. I don't know where I want to go. I know it's Italy and Spain, two weeks maybe three. But what cities? Timeframe is October after a two week vacation in Mexico. As I am writing all of this, I dare say, I must think money grows on trees, specifically the tree out front.

People keep telling me to buy my tickets and make my reservations. I didn't see what the big deal was. October is still some time away. Not really. It's only four months away. Like I said, I need to buckle down and come up with a plan. I'd love to be one of those people that just goes and is open to whatever. But I don't know when I would ever go back so I need to see the cool stuff. Okay, I'm starting to feel stress. Isn't vacation suppose to be fun?

The World Cup is almost here. I'm also trying to figure out how I'm going to watch the games. Work gets in the way.

Back to the movies

Met a friend for lunch and a movie. We chose X-Men: The Last Stand . She was asleep for about half the movie. I liked it, but I think I am outgrowing action movies. I'm in a romantic comedy sort of mood these days.

Halle Berry looked great even with the white hair. Part of the movie took place in SF. I work in a beautiful city.

Dad left

His visit was a short one, only here for the weekend. Before he left he helped me finish putting up my curtains (I've been here since last August!). We moved some of my furniture around. He bought me my own drill because he said I needed one. I love my dad. He's a cool guy.

I cried. That goes without saying with my family and goodbyes.

715!

My dad and I were at the game where Barry Bonds hit 715. We saw sports history in the making. That was so cool! It was my dad's first SF Giants game. We got decent seats. We were one of the first 10,000 people so we each got a bobble head at the door.

My family has a baseball history, not in playing, but in attending games. Growing up, if it was baseball season, we were either at a Dodgers game or an Angels game. We'll we do have a history in playing pick up games. I remember my father once took some time off work to see me play in a game when I was about 9. I was so happy he was there. Besides remembering how happy I was with his presence, I remember making a mistake while I was covering first base. That was so depressing. jejjejej

After the games we started to head towards Fisherman's Wharf. On the way to the wharf there were a group of people dancing tango our by the square. We sat down to observe. The group followed up with salsa and another dance. They were just there playing Spanish music having fun and not caring who looked on or not. Made me want to learn how to dance.

The wharf, tourist trap galore, was so crowded. I lost count of how many times people bumped into me. I don't ever remember it being this crowded. My mom and dad like going there so we always do. It's a nice afternoon out when the weather behaves and it did.

Monterey - Carmel - Big Sur

My father and I hit the road this morning heading south because he had not been to Monterey yet. We were off to scratch that destination off the list.

Monterey was crowded. It is Memorial Day weekend and people were out. We walked down Cannery Row towards the Aquarium. Stepped into a lot of shops to look at the goods. My dad, the tourist, took a number of pictures.
My dad can't walk for lengthy periods of time, since he refuses to go to the doctor we don't know what the cause is. Bottom line is he walks a bit and rests a bit. That's why it was a leisurely stroll. Perfect weather.

None of this was planned, we were going to play it by ear. After Cannery Row we made the drive, the 17-mile drive. Gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful. This was a first for me too. You get a map and drive for 17 miles. There are markers where you pull over to look at specific sides. Did I already mention how beautiful it is? To see the Pacific Ocean in all its majesty right there was breathtaking. And it was windy and cold! A few times we had to get back in the car to get warm although the sun was shining brightly.
My side commentary here. I am very aware of the differences in earning power we all have. Driving the 17-mile drive though, really brought it home. The differences. We were in the playground of the rich. I don't envy people that have money. I kept thinking of the homeless people I was going to be passing on my way to work on Tuesday. The difference is too much.

We skipped out on the drive to go through Carmel. What a cute little town! It's so tiny parking is an issue which is why we did not stop here. We drove down the main street, making a mental note that I had to come back to browse.

We continued our drive to Big Sur. It was about 4 PM. We were tired, but worse yet, we were hungry. Views are breathtaking. But when we saw the sign that said next 60 miles drive with care, hilly and windy. Forget it. We turned the car around and decided to drive through Salinas. Definite agricultural center. We were driving through Salinas about 5:30PM and the place was dead. I could not live there. Even if I am a homebody most of the time, I like to know there is something going on should I decide to do something.

Since we were on the way back home, I had to make a stop in Gilroy for some shopping. My father, bless his heart, has so much patience with me. Like most men, the last thing he wants to do is go into store after store. But he did. And when I realized I was taking too long, I'd find him patiently sitting outside.

We were exhausted by the time we got home.

25

25 is a number I am loving today, because as of today I have lost 25 lbs. I've worked hard for it too (since Jan 15, 2006). I feel stronger, sleep like a baby and have more energy...go figure. Oh and the best part....shopping. I need to go shopping for clothes.

Yay...me! ;)

Goodbyes suck

Mom left today in the afternoon. We always tell each other we are not going to cry, but I always do. As soon as she got in the security check line I got a knot in my throat, this is when my ability to speak disappears. All I was able to do was hug her, I couldn't even say goodbye or call me or I love you.
I can never come straight home after an airport goodbye because loneliness is thick. I never feel lonely, but when my mom or dad leave I only feel loneliness. To escape the feeling I go to the movies or take myself shopping. Anything that keeps me away from my apartment. I have a new pair of shoes.

Before she left we made another movie run, 'The Da Vinci Code.' I have been waiting for this movie for such a long time. I spent a quarter of it yawning. I really thought this movie was boring. The book was great, a real page turner. The movie did not do it justice. The thing I really enjoyed was the locales. Until I get to go to France in person, I need to settle for the images I see in movies. I liked hearing the accents both English and French. I didn't hate the movie, but I didn't love it either. It ran a bit long. My mom thought it was interesting. Interesting is code for b-o-r-i-n-g. And I still think Vince Vaughn (yes, the guy from Wedding Crashers) should have played the lead, he could have pulled it off. All the other casting was good, specially Audrey Tautou...she's a cutie.

Girl time

Today was a vacation day for me. Spent time with mom again. We went for a nice long walk followed by breakfast and lots of conversation.

My mom is a movie buff just like me. Today's movie was 'Mission Impossible III.' I thought it was boring, mom thought it was good. I know it's a movie, I know it's a franchise but I wanted more high energy stuff. It was predictable.
It did bring back my yearning of wanting to be a secret agent, for the good guys...only if I didn't have to hurt people and people wouldn't hurt me. Talk about wanting your cake and eating it too.

Mother's Day

I got to spend mother's day with my mom! ;) We were both happy. We wound up going to a restaurant for a mother's day brunch, which was ridiculously overpriced by the way. They told us the wait would be around one to one and a half hours. All it took was 20 minutes which sat very well with these two hungry ladies. While we were sittig there the hostess kept checking of parties on the waitlist.

"Jones party of 8"
"Murcia party of 6"
"Harry party of 7"

We were two peope. Told my mom she should have had more kids. My family has always been a party of four. Seems small, but it's us.

We went shopping after our brunch. Then we went to the casino, because my mom loves going to the casino. It was her day afterall. I don't enjoy spending time in casinos. I don't like to lose money and I lose it fast. The place was packed with people playing hundreds and hundreds of dollars. I don't get it. I don't see the entertainment value. But as long as mom was happy, I was happy too.

First Communion

We woke up bright and early, well not to early, to get some exercise into our day. All we did was walk, but considering the weather was freakin' hot it felt like we overexerted ourselves. It was nice to be out there with my mom, conversing with her, catching up on the family gossip. Just being next to her.

The communion was okay. The kids did not rehearse very well, I could tell because they were having trouble getting back to their seats when it was time. The median age was about 12. There were some real tiny 12 year olds and some really tall ones. My cousin was one of the tallest girls.

We went to the family BBQ to celebrate. I'm not close to this section of my family. I'm not close to my mother's side of the family. I didn't grow up with them so it's hard to feel like I know these people. They are almost strangers. Well, they must have felt the same way because I didn't see anyone approaching us for conversation which sucked. I developed a headache soon after we arrived due to the heat and I was not in the greatest of moods because of it. Then we left.

We went to the movies after the BBQ because there would be air-conditioning! I opted for 'United 93.' The movie about the flight that was suppose to hit the white house on 9/11. Some of the hype behind this movie is that it has received the blessing of the families. I cried. The images of the airplanes hitting the World Trade Center are so ingrained in our psyche yet to see them again on the big screen it brings it all back. Sitting there watching, and we know what's going to happen next. Felt extreme frustration at the lack of knowledge and communication seen in the control rooms.
The people on this flight fought back. I travel enough. Sometimes its hard for me to travel down the aisle with a backpack or a carry on. There isn't enough space. To see the images of people running down the aisle towards the pilot's quarters seems unrealistic, but adrenaline must make everything possible.

Mom's in town

My mom arrived tonight for a quick one week visit. We had dinner at a local diner and started driving to Fresno shortly after. You see, the purpose of my mom's visit was to attend my cousin's first communion.

We arrived around midnight and we were exhausted. I knew I should have pulled over to the side of the road for some fresh air, but I didn't. I battled my sleepiness all the way to our hotel. Not the smartest thing to do considering most accidents are caused due to fatigue. We got there safely.

I don't like her

Or rather I don't like working with her! I have discovered my bad side. I've always known it was there, but I don't use it. The coworker that gets on my last freaking nerve has surpassed my last freaking nerve. It took me a while to be okay with the fact that we were not going to be friends, we were just going to be coworkers. I swear she doesn't think before she asks questions and when you give her an answer she will argue with you that that is not the right answer. Part of me is happy that other people have come to the same conclusion...we would rather not work with her. Yet, we don't have the power to do anything about it. Therefore, I will continue to b*tch as needed.

Today I had an amazing day in aerobics class, because I needed to kick out all the frustration from my interaction with her (read previous paragraph).

I received another email from a long lost friend. I have to check my horoscope to see what is going on with the stars and my past.

Sunday I went to a '5 de mayo' festival. All I wanted to do was eat the junk food and I did. There was lots of music and lots of people. On the way to the area where the festival was taking place, there were countless Hispanics...by the hundreds. A couple of young black guys made a comment that took me by surprise. They noted the low number of police officers in sight. They said if the crowds were black instead of Mexican there would be a huge police presence. And sadly, it's true! I've seen it in other gatherings. I am constantly amazed by my own naiveness.

No protest

I finally responded to the email E sent in March. I didn't think I was going to respond, but today felt right. I don't expect a restart of a friendship or a response. It was a courtesy she wanted to know if I was okay and I answered. I expressed my surprise over the baby and a congratulations. Short, sweet and to the point.

Management lied. But they not only lied, they lied to my face. I am naive! Different stories keep coming up about my friend who was let go. Management told me they tried to keep her, but that HR made a decision. Now I am told that management got approval to let her go. To my face. I might as well have the word gullible tattoed on my forehead.

Plans to go to LA in June to celebrate my friend's birthday. Not really the reason actually. I called her out of the blue and she tells me she is moving to Texas because she has a chance of owning a home there, not just a home but a big home (pool, spa) for a fraction of the cost of one in California. I have a feeling that will be me in a little while, because I am priced out of the SF market.

I went to work. I didn't attend the protests. People on the bus and at work kept looking at me with questioning eyes....shouldn't you be at the protest? Well, no not really. I debated it for a long time, but made the decision not to participate. My power lies in voting in all future elections for measures that are not anti-immigrants. There have been measures in the past and there will be in the future. It was beautiful to see the unity though, this looks like the start of something big. Only time will tell.

Cool and breezy

The weather was suppose to be warm and sunny. It's cloudy and breezy. I want the sun in my face already...to the point where I might have to turn a fan on and forget about socks. I'll have to remind myself of these words when it's hot and I want the cold back. It's been a long stretch this year with the rain.

I have a sh*tload of cleaning to do. My apartment is a mess. But I don't feel like it. I want to go shopping or to the movies, but I forced myself to come back home. I put some things away and then I decided to come here and blog this nonsense. I'm listening to music. Trying to call my friend and the call is not going through. Read a book in quick sessions. Survey the place. And start all over again. I brought work home with me but I just pushed it to a corner, don't feel like that either. Should go exercise, but I'm too lazy to change into the right clothes.

I need to hit Ikea for some cheap rugs to place under my latest purchase. My new beanbag. I envisioned myself on my midnight blue beanbag with my laptop and some music in the background. That darn thing has been in the box since April 13th. Sometimes I buy crap I don't need. I should have bought a new sofa instead. Oh well, I'm sure I'll love it once I use it.

Class system, really?

Oprah had an interesting show on social classes in America. It makes me uncomfortable to realize I make class distinctions. I didn't think I did, but apparently I do. The rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer and the middle class is shrinking...have been hearing this for some time now.

Why do I feel bad about my realizations? Because like the panel expert said, it's a taboo subject. We don't talk about this stuff openly. I remember having a conversation regarding dating and standards when I was in school. I expressed my opinion that you marry at your level, or above, but not below. I was called a materialistic snob. I want to believe love conquers all and that a couple can weather anything, but this is not realistic. The divorce rate is ridiculous, and often the tension revolves around money problems.

Class indicators used:
Weight - Used to mean you had money to feed yourself, today being overweight indicates you don't have money to take care of yourself.
Teeth - "If you have money you are going to fix your teeth."
Dialect - If you have one, you are perceived as not educated.

Elite class - Don't know anyone in this category. ;)
Upper class - I know very few in this class.
Middle class - I consider myself middle class...not upper middle class though. Should an event push me out of this class, I would more than likely wind up in the working class aka lower class.
Working class - Majority of my family falls into this category.

My Sleeping Position

Uhhh, I do own a pedometer!

Find your own pose!