Online dating...again...sort of

Online dating. Yep, I have joined those out there trying this. I have joined sites in the past to see who was out there and looking. I have joined to see who I am matched up with. It was a curiosity for the most part I never followed through.

Well, it is more than a curiosity now. I am actively trying online dating. I am about to send an email to someone. I could call him since he already gave me his phone number, but not sure I want to call yet. I have wondered if it is a delay tactic on my part or what.

I have to admit there is a fear. Last relationship kind of hurt. That would be an understatement. And now here I am, putting myself out there as much as is possible in virtual land.

Another Tuesday

It's been one of those days. A day where I am quick to point out that some people dropped the ball. Why? Because their lack of planning is wreaking havoc on my schedule, work that I am not prepared for. This means I am starting to feel a bit of stress. I don't like that.

Last day of July. Goodness. Can't September get here already so I can go on vacation.

A 2 week tour to Rome, Greece, Egypt, Israel will cost around 4500. I am really on the fence on this one. It will be a last minute decision.

As I write this E is starting her divorce proceedings. I keep telling her to hire a lawyer if only for information sake.

Another Art/Wine Festival

I went to the local art and wine festival. Again, I felt the need to support the arts. I bought a print of some hearts. I also bought a picture of Italian side street. A city I have not been to ....yet.

The pictures of France were beautiful in a different way. I love Italy...Rome! I wonder if visiting France would have that type of an affect on me. Would I love it more than Italy? I doubt it, but there is only one way to find out.

I am going to select some of my best pictures and develop them to display them as art. Why am I paying when I have some really good shots of my own that will bring a smile to my face.

Mass was about forgiveness today. Funny how sometimes the message ties into the current drama in my life. Drama no more because N is on vacation for a few weeks. Forgiveness can wait.

Gilroy Garlic Festival

Finally made it to the garlic festival after six years of saying I wanted to go. I went with K. We had fun sampling all the food and watching the arts/crafts. Bought a bracelet....you know, supporting the arts. It's blue, of course.

The weather reached 100 degrees. I'm not cut out for hot weather. Never was really to tell you the truth.

Only took three pictures with a film camera, the digital camera felt too heavy due to the batteries. Wonder how long it is going to take me to develop that roll of film.

I was warned

I was warned about N. I was told she had used people in the past. Never thought it would happen to me because I have helped her so much this past year. Wake up time. She tried to screw me over. She'll lose more than I do, she depends on me more when getting her work done.

I was pissed off.
Now I am hurt.

I wish I could just stay pissed off and leave out the hurt part.

She's on an extended vacation. Good! We need a break and I need time to chill out.

Let's try this again

I can't believe I have not blogged anything in 2007 until today. The intention is always there but I never get around to it. The odd thing is I spend a good hour reading other people's blogs who update every single day.

I'm thinking it will be fun to go back and read all of my entries. See how much things have changed and how much things have not changed. The latter will be the scariest.

Crummy

I'm feeling ill at the moment. I hope it is only something I ate and not the flu. I have to be on a plane on Sunday which has a layover in Denver. The same Denver that experienced a "powerful blizzard" today. The same Denver I was stuck in a few years ago due to bad weather.

A friend and I had a long conversation about nothing. We were trying to figure out what to give each other for x-mas.

m: "What do you want?"
a: "I don't know, nothing really."
m: "Yeah, me either. Maybe a CD by Patrizio Buone."
a: "Who?"
m: "An Italian I saw on public television."
a: "I like Michael Buble."
m: "When did you start listening to Michael Buble?"
a: "It's been a while."
m: "We're getting old."
a: "Yeah."

Gift giving has lost its fun. I used to enjoy shopping for people, now it's a duty. Another task to cross off my list. Maybe next year we'll scratch gifts altogether. All gifts are going to be late this year.

m: "By the way, your gift is going to be late. Let's celebrate El Dia de Reyes."
a: "Yeah, let's exercise our Mexican traditions."
m: "Sounds good."
a: "I participated in a Posada."
m: "What's that?"
a: "Mexican tradition."
m: "Really?"

Which picture to use?

I added my profile to a dating site. I'm ready for another relationship. It has taken me a very long time to reach this decision. For me it had to be a decision, it couldn't just happen again. I had to dig deep and figure out my issues. Let me tell you that was fun. jjejejej

Finding the picture to post with my profile took some time. I wanted a recent picture that was decent. Well, let me rephrase that, one that looked good not just decent. This was followed by cropping and reviewing. Wanting to put the best face forward to strangers, this PR agent needs some practice. I want an engaging profile that will peak curiosities, but I don't want to cross the line into blurring the truth.

Another chance

When is it okay to stop giving people another chance? I wonder if I am being too hard on her. If history is proof of things to come, she doesn't deserve another chance. She has shown me her refusal to change which is not good, but her refusal to even acknowledge her part in the turmoil, no can do...that cannot be ignored.

My questioning comes from the fact that I would want another chance if I was in her shoes. "Treat others like you would like to be treated" runs through my head. I have made a decision though. That decision is we are each accountable for our own actions and she must be accountable for hers.

Procrastination

If I search back to one of my previous postings I will probably find a new year's resolution about putting a stop to procrastination. Here I am in the wee hours of the morning posting after a long absence instead of doing what I should be doing which is writing up some documents for a meeting tomorrow. I'm under the impression that I do my best work under pressure. Right now, sleep is the only thing I want, but I cannot show up tomorrow without the documents. I don't know what my damn problem is. I will find anything and everything to do rather than what I should be doing. This is a personal trait that really pisses me off.

I wonder if I should even say that in 2007 I will change my procrastinating ways. I've done it so many times before to no success. I have hope though, that one miraculous day this trait will be gone never to be seen again. I like my optimism. Or is it just plain denial, daydreaming, a joke.

Two months ago today

I was in Rome. I fell head over heels in love with the city. There is no better way to say it, to express it. I have been harboring dreams of living there. Daydreams, night dreams I am in Italy. All my readings since then have to do with Italy. Rome seduced me. The sing song of spoken Italian was music to my ears.

Italy worked it's magic on me. If someone asks me about my vacation, I'm told my face starts to glow and my smile never ceases. The craziest thing about my trip is that I came back with ideas of getting married in Italy. Me? The same person who doesn't believe marriage is necessary. My fantasy would be complete if I was marrying an Italian. But I recognize it for what it is a fantasy.

For what it's worth I am already planning a trip for 2007.

Movie Kick...Again

I'm back on my movie kick again. I'm relying more on DVDs than the movie theatre these days. My new way of procrastinating. When I don't want to do something, either because I feel it is too overwhelming or I just plain do not want to do it, I find something unproductive to do. What am I avoiding these days? Making reservations for my vacation. Buying my plane tickets. Finalizing my itinerary. I look forward to being off for six weeks, but then I get an overwhelming feeling and I don't look forward to it. The last time I had six weeks off was when I was under 17 years of age for goodness sake.

One lazy Saturday a few weeks ago I saw two movies that I just adored. I loved the movies so much I plan to own them. I once said I could not understand why people bought movies. I have joined those people, some movies you just want to own.

Must Love Dogs

The Upside of Anger

Romantic? Moi?

I read Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice a very long time ago. I don't remember it making a great impression on me, so it's on the list to reread. As far as the 2005 movie version? It made me sigh, it made me smile and it made me laugh. I loved it. It fed to that romantic side of me, which is usually hidden away. I identified with Elizabeth, but more with Mr. Darcy. Being misunderstood has been a little bit of a constant. Misunderstood because people come to their own conclusions on very little input from me. I am very selective with who gets to know the "real" me. And since the real me can be somewhat sarcastic, well, that usually does not leave the greatest of impressions. I also can be pretty quiet which can come off as being a bit of a snob. So you see, this is why I was in tune with Mr. Darcy.


I liked the girl power aspect of Blue Crush. To know that young girls can have sport movies directed at them is wonderful. Of course there need to be a lot more movies for girls. Plus this movie reminded me of our Maui trip in April. There was no way in hell we were going to take surfing lessons considering we don't even know how to swim.

Under the Tuscan Sun was on TV and I loved it a little more this time because of my pending trip to Italy. It has been my dream for many, many years to make it to Italy. I don't know what it is about that country that captured my attention, but it has never wavered. I've built it up so much in my head over the years that I run the risk of being disappointed, but I doubt that will be the case. The movie adds to the dream, to live in Italy, to fall in love in Italy...mostly the latter.

A Chorus Line

We went to see A Chorus Line. My first way off-Broadway show. It was a fun outing. I was sitting there enjoying the music and the dancing and wondered why I was not given the talent of the arts. It looks like fun, though I know there is a lot of 'blood, sweat and tears' in such a career choice. I'm the one who wants to run off and join the circus after any Cirque du Soleil .

Hiking Season

is here! I could have gone at any time, but the weather is just right for it. Get there early in the morning to be done by noon before the heat kicks in. It was hot yesterday, so hot that I finished my water before I was done with the trail.

Work has been taking up it's fair share of my life. Exercise classes the other part. Sleep the third part. Weekends are catch up time with all the errands. When I write it down like this, it sounds like I am wasting the "best years of my life." Part of me feels, that is actually a true statement. Work-Life balance sounds like a great thing but incorporating it is not so easy.

I'm counting down the weeks to September 15th. This is the day my sabbatical starts. I realized my procrastinating *ss waited too long to get my passport. It's on my agenda for this week. Have to go take some pictures.

I've dropped the ball communicating with some of my friends. I have two cards in my bag which were to be mailed in June. It's July now and it seems stupid to senf them because they are way overdue. Things change when you are not there to experience with them first hand.

Sad day

Yesterday my boss' boss scheduled a last minute meeting. Fifteen minutes. It's purpose was to let us know one of our coworkers was in the intensive care unit. When I arrived at work this morning there was an email saying he passed away last night. He had an accident that caused severe head injuries.

He was a nice guy, always smiled, smart and absent minded. (I don't mean this disrespectfully.) In meetings people had to pay attention because one minute he was talking about one thing and the next minute it was something else there was really no flow of thought, but we all knew that for a successful project all the tangents needed to be pieced together because all the information was there.

I see my coworkers more than my own family, which explains the shock I'm feeling. All the mortality questions that follow a death really f*ck with my head.

Expensive Europa

One of my friends announced she is going to Europe for 10 days in October. She says the cost is going to be about $3000. This number does not include shopping. Damn, I am out of the loop when it comes to overseas travel costs.

I need to buckle down about my own trip. First on the list will be my passport. (I'll need that for Mexico anyway starting next year.) I stopped by the bookstore yesterday to look at the travel books. I don't know where I want to go. I know it's Italy and Spain, two weeks maybe three. But what cities? Timeframe is October after a two week vacation in Mexico. As I am writing all of this, I dare say, I must think money grows on trees, specifically the tree out front.

People keep telling me to buy my tickets and make my reservations. I didn't see what the big deal was. October is still some time away. Not really. It's only four months away. Like I said, I need to buckle down and come up with a plan. I'd love to be one of those people that just goes and is open to whatever. But I don't know when I would ever go back so I need to see the cool stuff. Okay, I'm starting to feel stress. Isn't vacation suppose to be fun?

The World Cup is almost here. I'm also trying to figure out how I'm going to watch the games. Work gets in the way.

Back to the movies

Met a friend for lunch and a movie. We chose X-Men: The Last Stand . She was asleep for about half the movie. I liked it, but I think I am outgrowing action movies. I'm in a romantic comedy sort of mood these days.

Halle Berry looked great even with the white hair. Part of the movie took place in SF. I work in a beautiful city.

Dad left

His visit was a short one, only here for the weekend. Before he left he helped me finish putting up my curtains (I've been here since last August!). We moved some of my furniture around. He bought me my own drill because he said I needed one. I love my dad. He's a cool guy.

I cried. That goes without saying with my family and goodbyes.

715!

My dad and I were at the game where Barry Bonds hit 715. We saw sports history in the making. That was so cool! It was my dad's first SF Giants game. We got decent seats. We were one of the first 10,000 people so we each got a bobble head at the door.

My family has a baseball history, not in playing, but in attending games. Growing up, if it was baseball season, we were either at a Dodgers game or an Angels game. We'll we do have a history in playing pick up games. I remember my father once took some time off work to see me play in a game when I was about 9. I was so happy he was there. Besides remembering how happy I was with his presence, I remember making a mistake while I was covering first base. That was so depressing. jejjejej

After the games we started to head towards Fisherman's Wharf. On the way to the wharf there were a group of people dancing tango our by the square. We sat down to observe. The group followed up with salsa and another dance. They were just there playing Spanish music having fun and not caring who looked on or not. Made me want to learn how to dance.

The wharf, tourist trap galore, was so crowded. I lost count of how many times people bumped into me. I don't ever remember it being this crowded. My mom and dad like going there so we always do. It's a nice afternoon out when the weather behaves and it did.