Surprises

I do not like surprises, but I like to surprise people. I'm not talking about
practical joke surprises either. Tomorrow I will be surprising my mother.
Her birthday is Saturday and I am flying out there to spend the day with her
along with my father and brother.

I wanted to surprise all three of them and just show up, which I have done
successfully in the past. This time around I was not so sure about this.
Thank goodness for my gut feeling. It turns out they were planning on taking
a trip themselves. Now my father knows about the surprise, which works for
me since I'm guaranteed the surprise won't be on me. ;)


The strangest and most uncomfortable surprise was having my ex show up
at my home exactly one year after our relationship ended on bad terms.
He wanted to tell me something. I did not hear what he was saying, because
I was too busy looking at him, his face, his eyes. I'd forgotten what the person
I spent close to two years with looked like. And then I caught the following
words, "I just came to tell you I forgive you." What the f*ck! That was not
what I expected to hear.

Love or Fear

"Every human thought, and every human action, is based on either love or fear.
There is no other human motivation, and all other ideas are but derivatives
of these two. They are simply different versions--different twists on the same
theme."

Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue Book 1
by Neale Donald Walsch

Meetings

On average I attend one to two meetings per day. My worst day I had seven meetings
back to back. Today I have a meeting that will take all day. Oh yeah, I still have
my real work to fit in each day.

Sometimes I miss the days when it was just me and my computer.

Sawyer-Gibson Interview

The interview was very interesting. I admire anyone who will stand by his religious
convictions like he did.

Now more than ever I want to see The Passion of the Christ.

Lent is a little over a week away.

Rest

Lots of rest this holiday three-day weekend. Thank goodness, I had reached
my exhausted limit.

Hiking was to begin this weekend but the weather did not agree. We don't
like hiking through mud. I went on another hiking shoe quest with no success.
I did find other shoes which I bought, but not what I set out for.

Apartment hunting was rather fruitful. Saw lots of properties and one that
I particularly liked. I am still looking though. I am trying to decide whether I want
to be close enough to BART that I do not have to drive to it but would have to
drive to stores, restaurants, etc., or vice versa and face horrid AM traffic and
limited parking.

One of my friends made her commitment 'official' in San Francisco's same-sex
marriages.

Naive

Some days I feel naive. There are things out there I know nothing about and would more
than likely prefer it that way.

sadism - a sexual perversion in which gratification is obtained by the infliction of
physical or mental pain on others (as on a love object)

masochism - a sexual perversion characterized by pleasure in being subjected to pain
or humiliation especially by a love object

Secretary
This is not the kind of love story the 'general' public is exposed to. S&M does not have to
be over the top with whips and chains. As with most everything, there are varying degrees.
The ending was unexpectedly sweet.

Alejandro Gonzalez Iñarritu

I first heard of this director from all the buzz for Amores Perros. And since I firmly
believe in supporting Spanish-speaking artists, in particular if they are Mexican or
of Mexican decent, I went to see Amores Perros. I remember thinking that I go to
movies for the escapist aspect of them, not to be slapped with such reality. I can watch
the nightly news or focus on the crisis calls I answer once a week at the suicide hotline
if I wanted to see such cheerless snapshots.
Yep, I walked out of there somewhat uncomfortable and proceeded to call my friends
to tell them they should go support the film too.

When I saw Gonzalez Iñarritu comment on his newest film on a Spanish entertainment
show and heard him say the general premiere was to take place in Mexico I knew I was
going to see this one too, because regardless of his previous success he still respected
his 'roots,' if you will.

21 Grams
I knew to expect that in-your-face realism, I was prepared...or so I thought. I love movies
that allow me reflect days after I have watched them.
I have been thinking about three topics in this film.

1. Accidents/Mistakes
Sometimes things happen, specially on the road, where you could be doing everything
right, but someone around you may not....and then an accident! Through no fault of
your own you could be involved in something terrible. I had a friend who was enjoying
a sunny Southern California day, bike riding by the beach. He had his protective gear
on. Unfortunately, the other bike rider, who was going the wrong way and at a faster
speed than allowed, did not. They collided. Two bikes collided and one person died. My
friend survived with his teeth knocked out and two black eyes, but his conscious was in
tatters with 'what ifs.' Is he a murderer? Of course not.
Now take someone who has made mistakes in judgement in his/her life. Mistakes with
consequences where he/she was held accountable. Assault, robbery, carjacking perhaps.
How many of us have driven over the speed limit or taken a turn too fast or talked on our
cell phones while driving? Which leads me to...

2. Second chances
My friend's second chance he had to give to himself. He was traumatized and felt an
unearned guilt.
Now take someone who had a lapse in judgment. When applying for a job there is the
question 'Have you even been convicted of a crime?' Now, if I had my own business I
don't know how much of a negative effect, if any, a 'yes' answer would have on me.
Would I give someone a second chance?
Currently in the Bay area, there is a child molester, who has served his time and has been
chemically castrated, that can't find a place to live. Communities run him out of town.
Does he deserve a second chance to start over?

3. Organ Donation
This one is a touchy subject for me. People without medical insurance, e.g., undocumented
immigrants, get screwed when it comes to medical treatment. I have witnessed this in
clinics and hospitals. So if the undocumented and the poor are getting inadequate
treatment to begin with how am I guaranteed that my organs would not be given to a
patient who can pay instead of the one who can't? How do I know that discrimination
will not take place? I do not have the organ donor sticker on my driver's license and that
will change.
My mother is one of the of the approximately 77,000 people in the U.S. (as of 2001) who is
on the national waiting list for an organ. "You can help up to 50 people. ...... An average of
15 people die every day because not enough organs are available." (www.organdonor.gov)
For my mother to get the call that a kidney is available, someone will have to have died.
I will be getting that sticker this week. In a crazy way, it makes me want to be a healthier
person, so that they can salvage as much as they can to help others if it comes to that.

On the flipside, you have the well-off going to third world countries and buying kidneys
from people that are in dire need of money, food, shelter, etc. I am confused about this
subject. Two parties will get what they want/need, but at what cost?

Yes, 21 Grams had an impact on me.

Insomnia

2004 has brought the onset of insomnia. It wouldn't be so bad if I could make up the
sleep the next day with a late morning/naps or even catching up on sleep over the weekend,
but that is not the case.
It is taking its toll on my energy levels. Tuesday crept by, excluding the pistachio gelato
and window-shopping break. I'm bordering on the non-productive line.

Maybe I'll try meditation or something. For now listening to music and reading keeps me
from going somewhat insane. Speaking of music, some new titles have joined my collection:
-Norah Jones' feels like home
-Mariza's Fado Curvo [I bought this in preparation for the April concert.]
-Tribalistas (a.k.a. Arnaldo Antunes, Carlinhos Brown and Marisa Monte)
Artists from my heyday seem to have relatively new CDs out, e.g., 10,000 Maniacs, The Cure,
Natalie Merchant, Sarah McLachlan...

My friend invited me to a Rod Stewart concert...in Los Angeles. I was probably her last
option. hahaha I have no desire to go see Rod Stewart in concert let alone fly or drive to
L.A. If it was closer to her birthday, I'd consider it. Thank goodness her birthday is exactly 9
months away.

Apartment hunting, mostly online, is going ever so slowly. I don't know where I want to live.
The more I think about San Francisco, the more I realize I like being away from the hustle and
bustle of the city. I have to give this whole thing some serious thought considering I'd have
to sign a one year lease; most importantly no loud neighbors and no kids without manners.

Crush

I think I have a crush on someone's voice! I've been working with someone, whom I have
not met, for about a month now. We work in different buildings and always have tele-
conferences. So nice, so friendly, and an accent I can't place.

For all I know, he could be a fifty-year-old man or a married man or gay, etc.
All I have to do is attend one of the meetings in person and I'd find out, but I don't want
to ruin the illusion.

Books and Music

Bookstores are one of my favorite places. I can spend hours there. HOURS. They work
against my budget though. There was a time when I would go to a bookstore just
to see what was new, and I'd walk out with a lot of books and a lot less money.
I've disciplined myself to not buy books on a whim anymore. It's hard not to.

This trip had a purpose: Guitar for Dummies. My friend gave me a guitar a
few months ago. Out of the blue, I get a guitar. It was such a great surprise.
Holidays came, work became extremely busy and there was no time. I've decided to
make the time. Now I need to either enroll in music school or hire a private teacher.
I can't even tune the damn thing, the last string does not register on the handy-dandy
tuner I bought.

The latest CDs to join my collection are:
Alicia Keys' The Diary of Alicia Keys
No Doubt's The Singles 1992-2003
Sting's Sacred Love

Funny Fix

I'm not a Jim Carrey fan. Maybe it was Ace Ventura Pet Detective that turned me off
him. But I can't really say that for sure, since I fell asleep 20 minutes into the film.

I am a fan of Ben Stiller and Adam Sandler though. I like their kind of funny.

Along Came Polly
I laughed too much and out loud...along with everyone else. With scene after funny scene, the time
flew by. Salsa, basketball, bathroom, the French guy, ethnic food...funny.

A friend of mine refuses to watch anything as 'dumb' as this film, I honestly believe he
thinks he'll walk out of there less intelligent. ;) It's a movie! And for the record, I also enjoyed
Jackass.

"Yah?" "Yah."

Fargo.
It took me three different attempts to finish watching this movie. I couldn't multi-task, it needed
my undivided attention.

It was great. Definitely a black comedy and I'm usually not fond of black comedies.
The dialect alone makes it all worth while.

Oprah

One of my great guilty pleasures is watching Oprah. Her shows
cover a wide spectrum of topics. Some educational, some eye-opening, some just pure
enjoyment. In addition to her show, I also subscribe to her magazine. Hey some people
love Martha Stewart, I love Oprah.

What did I learn this past week?
-I know what cancer looks like in livers along with blocked aorta, five pounds of fat and a
smoker's lung. (view here)

-When a relationship ends, neither party should be caught by surprise...there are always
signs, if you choose to not pay attention that is something else.

And the two most interesting tidbits were the following:
1. 200 orgasms a year takes about 6 years off your physical age! (per Dr. Mehmet Oz).
2. "Our natural state is to be happy and peaceful until we disturb it." -Dr. Dean Ornish

Coffee

I read that 324 million cups of coffee are consumed each day in the U.S.
Coffee makes me sick, but I love the smell of it.

Surprise

My friend got engaged this past weekend. I'm happy because she is HAPPY.
My realistic side thinks getting engaged after two months is too soon.
On the other hand, I've never been able to say "I knew after three weeks."
Looking forward to the wedding.

Cynic

When did I become a cynic? That is in direct contrast to my optimistic self.
It's a fleeting phase, yeah, that's it.

Getting ready for the Oscars

We plan to see most of the films nominated before the Academy Awards on February 29th.

Monster
I avoid movies with rape scenes like the plague. Can't stomach such scenes and even
less so when they are based on a true story.

Damn. This movie was too real. It was gritty like Leaving Las Vegas

Some people just have a f*cked up life from beginning to end. She couldn't get a break.
She tried and that was the heartbreaking part of it all.

Circumstance. Nature vs. nurture. Whatever...she did not deserve her sentence.
I haven't researched what happened to her partner, but when I do, I hope to find she
was prosecuted for her part.

Favorite Oscar memory: Roberto Benigni accepting his award for Life is Beautiful.

Survivor: All-Stars

It's finally here!

Old movies

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Nicholson won the Oscar for Best Actor for his role in this film, which prompted me to
finally see the film 29 years after it was made. Well worth the wait, I can appreciate it
more than I would have a decade ago.

The nurse was classic.
Was he or wasn't he crazy? I could go either way on that call.
Why did the Native American do that in the end? He could have recovered.

The Last Temptation of Christ
This film was wrought with controversy and being the 'good' catholic I was, I did not
watch it. I had to watch it in preparation for Mel Gibson's "The Passion."

While I can appreciate the controversial portrayal of Jesus, I thought this was
b-o-r-i-n-g. It just looked old and the 'special effects'...spare me.

Personal Review #1

I published resolutions so I figure I'll hold myself to a monthly review.
This might not seem like such a great idea in a few months, but I'll refer
to it as an exercise in accountability.

I smile and laugh enough for people to notice and comment about. And I quote:
"You never have a bad day, do you?" Wishful thinking.
"You're always smiling." Usually I have odd memories resurface or funny thoughts.
"Why are you so happy?" Huh?

Exercise: 16 floors a day via stairs and a walk towards Embarcadero. Could be
better, but it's a start.

Long term goals: Retirement planning stronger than it was.

Cooking: I've actually cooked a meal or two.

No more mess in the apartment/declutter: Thanks to my new paper shredder I'm
making some progress with these two.

Read Spanish books: Blogs must count a little bit.

Conclusion: 8 out of 25 isn't so bad.