Surfers close to Pai'a

Surfers close to Pai'ia, originally uploaded by existencia azul.

One of the Maui images taken on Monday, 4/17/06.

Surprises

It was my first day at work today after my Maui vacation. By the end of the day my friend had been fired. There was no explanation. I'm sad because she made the day fun and she had recently started to become a friend. I'm stressed because I know expectations about my ouput are going to increase A LOT and frankly I do not have all of her skills. I'm upset because I cannot work with the person that is left. We are at a point where we don't even talk to each other unless it is work related. I'm shocked still and have had a headache since I found out. There has been speculation as to the reason. Someone said that it was due to personal emails at work. If this is the case, then I am next. ..this caused me some stress. Imagine if I blogged from work! There would be no doubt about my future and it would not be pretty.

My friend will be okay once the shock wears off. Her skill set is going to get her a job pretty much anywhere she wants. But it still is sad, shocking, upsetting!



Maui was a blast. I took freakin' exercise clothes with me because I was going to exercise in the mornings when I got up. I did the first day (Saturday). That discipline disappeared by Sunday. Oh yeah, and Sunday I turned 32 years old. Freakin' 32 years old, I don't know what 32 is suppose to feel like but i doubt I feel that age. Went to mass on Sunday to give thanks for my life so far but mostly because it was Easter. It was a cool mass, different from what I am used to.

We found one Spanish AM radio station in the whole state of Hawaii while we were lost on some road. They are only on the air from 6 - 10 PM, Monday - Saturday. Spanish speaking population is tiny. Everyone thought we were Filipinas. I guess.

Saturday we went on a road trip to Lahaina. Cute little town. Lots of galleries to enjoy. Reminded me of Santa Monica but more quaint.

Sunday we got up and went to mass at 7:30 AM. Our day was spent floating in the ocean, floating in the pool, soaking in the hot tub, repeated the process. Worked on our tans. Went to a lua. It was very relaxing. As relaxing as it was we were exhausted by the end of the day. notice I used the word floating....that's because we don't know how to swim. Yes, very pathetic, but we still had fun.

Monday we took the road to Hana. There were a bunch of waterfalls along the way. Everything was a luscious green. Exotic plants. Bunch of tourists. It was pretty cool, but we were in the car most of the day. We got lost again trying to find a specific waterfall. We wound up on private property. We got a little scared once the sun started going down and we did not know whether to continue looking for the pool or going back to the condo. We followed our guts and went back to the condo.

Tuesday was another pool, ocean, hot tub day. Loved it. Too bad we did not take our books with us to really work on the tan. ;) Almost ran out of sunscreen by Tuesday. Let's just say we were protected. There was no way in hell we were going to get sunburned. Well, I tan. jejejje My friend burns.

Wednesday was proof that we don't know how to pack. We majorly overpacked and we had to buy another bag just to get our souveniers in place. We were considering shipping them from Maui but the shipping would have cost more than the souveniers. Next time I need to force myself to limit myself to one light carry on. Reality was a 28" pullman, a backpack and a purse! I was only gone for 5 days! Ridiculous. But have to have a choice in what shoes I can wear, as well as tops and shorts. I need choices, plain and simple.

Traveling time is here

I managed to break two computers which left me computer-less at home. That's a good excuse for not updating this thing. One of the machines I had just spent some money on, when I finally got around to hooking it up it fell to the floor and some major damage was caused. The other machine was just old and not worth the pain of doing anything with. So my nerd self is very happy to be finally writing this update from my new 17" screen laptop. I got it yesterday and I've been looking forward to coming home to mess with it.

Here's the downside..somewhat. I want to tinker with this machine, but I will be on a plane to Hawaii tomorrow; specifically, I will be in Maui! It was planned in the last week. I knew I was going to go somewhere and it looked like it was going to be between Puerto Rico or Montreal. My friend said we should take a quick trip to Barcelona, but yours truly does not have a passport...yet. My options were obviously limited.

I have my guidebook, my sandals, island clothing (if you can call it that) and I'm ready. Ill pack tomorrow like always doing things last minute. Wish I could limit myself to a single carry-on, but it's not going to happen. I'll be checking in my bag and it might be a big bag. I'll hate dragging it around, but I like having choices, specially in the shoe department.

I have a new manager at work. Yippeee! It was time because the other one had turned into an I can't stand him situation. My new boss seems really cool and I'm looking forward to working with her after I get back from vacation.

Other than that, things have been good. I'm very blessed and thankful for it. ;)

Email surprise

Today I turned on my computer because it had been over a week and I had not checked my personal email. Deleted a bunch of things (mostly forwards and jokes), but one of the items made my heart beat a little faster.

It was from E. I haven't heard from E in over three years. Our friendship ended for one reason or another. The funny thing is I finally unpacked Friday night. One of the boxes had picture frames and two of those were of E. I decided I needed to put the picture away and put some other picture in place. Then today I see the email. Short and to the point. She's been dreaming about me and wondering if I am okay. She's had dreams off and on since last summer. And one additional detail, she had a baby and has never been happier.

Emotions galore in the span of 10 minutes. Shock, happiness, anger, sadness and finally something I don't do normally. I started to cry and the crying was from hurt. I thought I was so over what happened and yet there I am crying like it just happened. Then that was all over and I was back to surprise again.

What a coincidence! I'm thinking of recycling pictures and then there is this email from the very person. What a fluke. Oh, but wait a minute, I don't believe in flukes or coincidences, it happened for a reason. Or then again I could be reading to much into it.

39 hours

The reason I finally unpacked is because I offered the boxes to a coworker. I knew this would put pressure on me to do what I should have done more than six months ago. She said she'd be by at 7AM. In order to meet this friendly deadline, I did not sleep a wink! In my 'younger' days this happened a lot, these days I can't handle it. My symptoms from no sleep: nausea and backache. It sucks to get old. jejej

Progess..

Tired today. I tried to do too much all at once, but I like it. That routine is mine next week. I think I got it down, now watch her change it around. Oh, and I can't do push-ups for crap. I can't wait for summer to get here for hiking season to really get its start. First thing on the list, go buy some new hiking shoes.

One kick at a time

The body is an amazing thing. My soreness is gone. Yay! I breezed through my classes. I was feeling it. ;)

Sore muscles

Getting out of bed this morning took me some time. No matter which way I moved I could not make any progress, because of the insane amount of soreness I felt.

Today's agenda: 30 minutes of thigh/glute work followed by an hour of aerobics. I was a klutz with the routine, I'll have it down by next week.

All or nothing

Today was the start of my new self-imposed schedule. I was at at my desk at 7:15 AM and I was cranky. Then apparently I was feeling rather fit, when in actuality I am on the unfit side these days. It was raining, so a couple of people and I decided to walk up and down 18 floors of stairs. Then I ended my day with a 30 minute ab class followed by an hour of aerobics. Everything hurts except for my ears. 'Everything in moderation.' I firmly believe this applies to exercise.

No more rain, please

I'm craving warmth and sunshine. Now. Every night I come home and turn on my heater. I place that sucker at a toasty 87 degrees. Let it run for roughly four hours, until it's almost at the point where the heat is about to turn uncomfortable. The heating bill isn't pretty because this place is drafty.

I didn't think I'd say this, but I wouldn't mind a 95 degree day right about now. A day where no jacket is required and sandals are needed.

Just wait. When I get that, I'll be wanting a nice, cold and breezy day. But no rain. I'm only a fan of rain when my kitchen is fully stocked and a couple of great movies or books are waiting for me.

I'm thinking about changing my work schedule. I want to discipline myself for summer. What does this all mean? Instead of carrying on with my lax schedule (roughly 10 AM until I feel I've had enough, on bad day that could be 10 AM to midnight which always sucks), I want to get to work at 7 AM and be out by 4 PM. I tried doing that today. I managed to get there at 9:05 AM. I'm not a morning person, but I used to be able to get up in the wee hours without a problem. I'm not talkative that early in the morning, but I used to be able to function. I can't really say that anymore. I need to succeed next week because I enrolled myself in some exercise classes and I don't want to throw that money away by being late or not making it at all.

Went to a seminar tonight. A seminar about buying your first home. And I paraphrase: the average price of a home in the Bay area is 600K. Those words are cause for depression if you ask me. I got a free book out of the seminar...that was cool.

I'm up way past my bedtime at the moment. The last few weeks I have just felt exhausted. Can't stay up and catch up on the late night talk shows anymore. Tomorrow morning is going to be fun trying to get myself into the meeting on time. They know they can start without me, I hope they remember that. I have a feeling I am going to be late. (sigh)

Where's the sleep?

I'm slowlty but surely going back to my old ways. There is no reason for me to be up at this time, I have work tomorrow and I am tired. Yet, here I am still awake trying to convince myself to go to bed. I'll be paying for it tomorrow in the 2 PM meeting. That's about the time I crash if I don't get some decent sleep.

I am eagerly counting down to the weekend. This is how 2006 has been for me. I don't want to be in the office. I only look forward to the weekends. Even if there are no plans, I want the weekend to be here and last longer than two lousy days.

Life without TV

I don't think I can live without a TV in my home. I like to watch shows. Right now I'm watching 'America's Next Top Model.' Am I learning anything from this show? Hell no. But I enjoy it. I like to see beautiful people. I like to see how people turn on each other. I'm a sucker for reality TV. What's wrong with that?

I'd rather give away my computer than give up my TV.

I was discussing how disconnected our society has become. It was a simple comment. The lady told me to consider getting rid of my TV. That people think they have relationships with the characters on TV. What?! It's a freakin' show. A minor waste of time, not friends or substitutes for family. That was way out there. But I respect that she has lived without a TV for the last 5+ years. More power to her.

Me? I'm going to watch 'Project Runway' next.

Long lost friends

Today I caught myself reminiscing about old friends. Or friendships that have ended for one reason or another. Thinking back these friendships, I'm only concerned with one though, it could have been saved. If it wasn't for the pride, the 'I don't care' attitude, the lack of understanding, the not wanting to 'fight' for someone that was worth it.

What got me on this? An article about long lost friends who reconnected years later. I was on the bus wondering if maybe in the future E and I could possibly reconnect. Would we be able to pick where we left off although now we would be full-fledged adults. Or would there still be hurt?

She always wanted to have many children. I wonder if she is a mother.

I have to remind myself not to live on memories because I only seem to remember the great stuff that appear even sweeter today than back in the day.

Spiritual Renewal...again

Lent began last Wednesday. I'm pretty excited this year about my spiritual journey. I bought a bilingual Bible for the occasion. I try to focus on the Spanish and if I'm not quite getting it I look at the opposite page to read the English text.

And time for hobby renewal as well. I bought some yarn and a new pair of needles to get back into the knitting thing. It's the closest thing I have ever done that works as meditation for me. Hours pass and I don't realize it. One of the most relaxing things I've ever done.

I'm debating whether to go to a Michael Buble concert in a few weeks. Tonight it seems like a yes, tomorrow I'll be deciding no. It will be a last minute decision or until the tickets are sold out.

I rediscovered the joys of the library. They have a pretty decent DVD collection. Borrowed some cookbooks as opposed to buying them and letting them collect dust on the shelves. I've identified what I want to try my hand at except for the cleaning the mess afterwards that is my least favorite thing.

The Oscars were this weekend. Talk about anticlimactic! Maybe the fact that my movie watching has dramatically dropped since I moved to this city which has no theaters has something to do with it. I keep adding items to my Netflix queue, but then those movies sit on top of my TV for...the record has been...two months!

Human Body

I've watched more of the Torino games this weekend than any day last week. The conclusion: a fit body is sexy. No discrimination: men, women I find them both sexy. The 'sexy' comes from admiration of the training, the discipline, the grit, the mental and physical strength, the grace, the attitude. Yep, it's respect.

My commentary is not about tht slim aspect either, because I've seen overweight bodies that are sexy also. (Yes, it's possible.) It has to do a lot with how a person carries themselves. But these Olympic bodies are about strength. More power to them.

Ice dancing has been big tonight. Talk about beauty in that event. Why don't I ever remember seeing ice dancing televised before? Maybe because the U.S. never had any contenders before... That's ridiculous! It should be a love of sport, not a love of the sports Americans are competing in. I won't lie, I always root for the Americans...can't help it.

I tell you makes me want to go out there and start training for something. jejejej

Coined a new phrase

I am a "foreigner snob." Does that make sense? I'm watching the Olympics and if Italians are being interviewed I stop what I am doing to focus. Since high school, I've had a thing for Italians and these Torino games have proven to me that this feeling is alive and well.

I've entertained the thought, only the thought, of allowing myself a one night stand when I travel to Italy. Me?! One of the most conservative and old fashioned people I know. Is there such a thing as an Italian fetish? If there is , sign me up for the 12 step recovery program.

Went to a baptism this afternoon. The family is from the Philippines. When I hear the word godparents to me it means a set of people, preferably married, who promise to guide and if necessary take care of the child. When they asked parents and godparents to step up to the altar, I expected to see 4 adults and the baby. What I saw was 12 adults and the baby. Somehow all these people are godparents of that one child. I've never seen this before, it has to be a cultural thing. I'll ask on Tuesday.

Everyone at the baptism was Filipino except for the priest, the person helping the priest and me. Apparently this was not clear to the people there, because people kept coming up to me and speaking to me in Tagalog. (smile) Sorry, I don't understand. This only made them think I was the Americanized Filipina. Sure, whatever.

I went to see The New World. I liked this movie. The love story, the hearbreak, the scenery, 'Rebecca' making the right decision in the end, the understanding of her husband. Colin Farrell. Colin Farrell with long hair. Well, quite a few people walked out because they found it boring. Per my own humble opinion, this movie was not boring. It was very interesting. So much so, that I had added to my list of to-dos: read about John Smith/Pocahontas.

Will be heard

That was my plan when I stepped into my boss' office this afternoon. There were three things to discuss: my yearly review, my raise and my discontent.

The review was fine, nothing to get upset about. It wasn't great, but could have been worse. I call it a dime a dozen. This was where I finally understood this man knows nothing about me and really doesn't care. Having previously worked with managers who care, not pretend to care, but actually care...this was completely disheartening.

The raise was normal, nothing to write home about.

My discontent. I realize now I was playing with fire. I started by expressing my disatisfaction, which did not get a second thought. In one ear and out the other. I wasn't willing to let this slide. I told him I was looking for another job and had been asked how quickly I could transfer. His reaction could have been one of "go ahead" or " don't." It was neither. This was the magic bullet. This is where I had his attention. His concern readable on his face. He was shocked. "What can I do to change your mind?" Nothing, this is something I am thinking about. "Is this your offical notice that you are looking for another position?" No, not official, but I just want you to know how unhappy I am. "Is there anything I can do to change your mind?" No, I just want you to know where I stand as of now. Thank you for your time. I'll keep you posted.

I'm thinking about it. That's all I can say. I've mentally gone through the pros and cons, but it needs more time.

Happy V-day

Why not? I always want to applaud love, even if it's not part of my life now. Who would have pegged me! for a romantic. ehheehhe

My mother had out-patient surgery today. It could not be avoided, she's been getting infections on the tubing in her chest. I pray I can help her with the transplant this year. She's well. Pain medication, but it's better for her long term...fewer infections.

Overslept

I really tired myself out yesterday. I did not wake up in time for my 8:30 meeting this morning. I opened my eyes at 9:12 AM. Not the way I wanted to start Sunday.

Maybe I'll watch some olympics or something. I need to clean the apartment. But I can already tell I will find every excuse in the book to delay that as long as possible.

Talked to M today. We're getting into this routine where all we do is complain. It's tiring to complain. I told her next time it needs to be all positive, because we can't continue this way. Who'd want to anyway.

Ouch

It took some will power on my part to make it to the park for a bit of hiking. I usually like to be there at 8AM to get it over with and avoid the sun. I made it out at 12PM. I asked a couple of people if they wanted to join me but they already had plans, so I went alone...not the smartest thing. For the first stretch I saw no one and I started to get a little freaked out by some noises. Sounds like someone stepping on branches or random noises. There was this one sound that really got under my skin. It took me about an hour to figure out it was coming from the water bottle in my jacket pocket.

I have not been hiking in a long time and I can tell. I was struggling with ascending and struggling with descending. Ascending is a problem because it takes a lot out of me, signs of my age and further proof of being out of shape. Descending is a problem because I don't trust my footing. I was right about not trusting my footing. I took a fall when I thought I was stepping on a root and it turned out to be a twig that gave way. I was not hurt only got a little dirty.

So there I am descending and my phone rings...there was a message. I called my friend back and we started to chat. I told her it was ridicuous to be communing with nature and have a cell phone attached to my ear. Since we had not spoken in a while, we decided to talk until I lost reception. I finally saw some people on the trail...and what do they see. A hiker with a cell phone. It's not as bad as a hiker with a cigarrette hanging of his lip, is it?

It was great to be out there although I am now exhausted. It's a different kind of tired. I think I might go out again next weekend as long as the rain stays away.

5.68 miles. Let that be my minimum distance for this year.