Sadness

It's never the right time to be sad.

Yesterday I spent about an hour with a coworker whose mother is dying of cancer. He doesn't know if she'll be around next week or next month. It's serious. The times I have asked him how he is doing, his answer is "Well, my mom is dying." There is no comeback to that phrase. I've interpreted as "I don't want to talk about it." It turns out that he does want to talk about it.

We discussed, if we had a choice, the two options: (1) knowing with plenty of time that someone is going to die or (2) having someone die all of a sudden. First option, I think, gives you a chance to prepare, accept, and to say "I love you" or whatever it is that needs to be said. But I don't think I would want the last living memories to be of pain and the person I love withering away.

Today I got an email from a friend of mine whose longtime pet died. I see a pet as another member of the family. She and her family are in mourning. I feel for them.

A few hours later came a phone call from my mother basically telling me to prepare for the worst with regards to my favorite uncle. He's not well, and he feels he could die. He asked my father to take care of his son should anything happen.
I started crying. I got a glimpse of what my coworker has been going through for months.

News like this brings out a selfish aspect of my character. I'm not ready to let my loved ones go. Immediate thoughts of my parents and brother come to mind. My own mortality.

One day at a time.