Monday Movies

My brother (as much of a moviephile as his sister) and I went to see some movies today.

Napolean Dynamite
This was funny, but it was not hilarious. My brother having been one of the popular kids at school was laughing for different reasons than his geeky sister. ;)
The fact that days later we were quoting lines from the movie, must say something about it.

Taxi
The most exciting thing about this movie was the bike scene at the very beginning. I guess if you are into cars and girls, you'll enjoy it for other reasons. Just ask my brother. Regardless, I want to see the next Jimmy Fallon flick whatever it might be.

Christmas Eve

There are still no direct flights to go visit my family. This translates to a lot wasted time. A layover in one of the following cities: Dallas, Denver, Houston, Kansas City, Phoenix, or Salt Lake City. Today it was Kansas City. The worst was Nashville. It basically takes the entire day to get from my home to theirs, but at least I get there.

I arrived at 9:45PM. As soon as I stepped outside the airport it hurt to breathe because of the cold. Within half an hour, I was at my uncle's home surrounded by countless family and family friends, Spanish ringing in my ears from all directions and plenty of Mexican food. I miss being close to family, not just immediate but also extended.

Packing

One thing I hate about traveling is packing. I don't know how to pack...meaning I always overpack. I want to have choices when I get to my destination, not be limited by what fits in the suitcase.

I'm hours from going home for the holidays. I have solved my dilemma. I'll take a minimal set of clothes and once home I'll shop if I want more choices. Simple as that. It's a win-win situation. hahahaha

I wanted to leave work at 3pm today to take care of last minute errands. A production problem ruined those plans. Can the problem be reproduced? What do the logs show? blah, blah, blah I work well under stress, but not when there are people standing on either side of me, watching my every move, waiting for results. I suddenly forget how to type and have trouble remembering things that I know. Same situation without an audience, I would not stress out. I finally was able to leave at 6:10pm. That sucked.

I'm trying something different this year. I did not buy any gifts for my family. I do not want to carry anything extra to the airport. Since this was a last minute decision on my part, I did not order gifts online which would have already arrived. I see nothing wrong with cash, they can get whatever they want. That's another win-win situation, right? Why do I feel weird about it then? Oh well.

I just pray I don't get stranded anywhere due to weather and that my plane arrives at 9:05pm just like it's suppose to...just in time for Christmas.

Catch up time

I can't believe the end of the year is only 19 days away! This is downright scary. There is no time for so many things, which explains the neglect of entries to this blog.

Work is seriously kicking my butt. It didn't help that I got sick and was out for a week. The last time I was that ill was over 15 years ago. To top it off, this all happened during the second week of my mother's visit. She was also very sick, I was tempted to take her into the emergency room. I forced myself to go back to work before I should have; consequently, the last week has been a blur and not productive.

Christmas parties have started. Holiday cards are arriving in the mail. I haven't even bought any. While I was getting ready for this evening's egg nog celebration, I got an early present....a f*cking gray hair! I don't consider myself a vain person, but damn!

For now, 12 is the magic number. 12 days that is. The plan is to get on a plane Christmas Eve to be with my family for the holidays.

Cute Paranoia

The follow up to Bridget Jones's Diary is here. It doesn't seem like it has been three years, but it has.

Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
She got the guy. She lost the guy. She got the guy.
Needless to say, I am a sucker for the romantic comedy genre. I had a smile on my face for the entire movie. It was just plain cute. In past years, I've exhibited my own versions of relationship paranoia as have my friends. I've had the friends who have given me the not so great advice, which I listened to. I have been the friend giving the not so great advice, which was listened to.

Thanksgiving Visit

My mother arrived this morning. She will be visiting for the next two weeks, which translates to my eating good food. Nothing beats mom's cooking. ;)

Last one

The plan was to be in L.A. today to celebrate my friend's 30th birthday. That's it, she was the last one that needed to turn 30. The end of an era.

I teased her about her gift. Hinted it was something every 30 year old, single woman needed. Toys popularized by 'Sex in the City.' She was afraid to open her gift. hahah No, I didn't get her that...not this year.

I didn't go. Didn't want to drive in forecasted rain. Plus, I brought work home with me.

Excuse Me

I got an instant message from one of my co-workers...

co-worker: I NEED YOUR HELP!!! PLEASE!!!
me: ?
co-worker: My zipper broke.
me: [laughing uncontrollably] And how do you want me to help you?
co-worker: I don't know, can you think of something? Maybe you can unzip it?
me: How'd you break it anyway?
co-worker: Do we really have to discuss it now?
me: Well...

More Jude

Jude Law has been in many movies as of late, but I'm not complaning.

Alfie
Alfie was bittersweet...more bitter than sweet. It personified loneliness. Who hasn't known someone who mistakes countless sexual encounters as fulfilling only to wake up one day questioning the point?

Results

I can't explain it, I was shocked by the outcome but not necessarily surprised by it.

My two cents: if you waived your voting right, you waived your right to complain.

Sticker

I always get a kick out of the "I voted" sticker. I don't collect them by any means, but I made sure I got one. Frankly, I deserved it, I put a lot of time figuring out each of the propositions in order to make and informed decision.

Theories

There are many theories about life and the best I can do is choose one or elements of many to live by. In practice, I've been focusing on the latter working my way towards the former.

I remember a professor talking about a study which focused on the phases of religion in a person's life. Youth is marked with belief, the 20s are marked by distancing, the 30s are marked by questions while the 40s and beyond there is finally the realization. I remember thinking it was too much of a generalization. Yet, here I am thinking that in a little less than a decade I may come to my realization and I look forward to it.

What do I want to do with my life? What legacy do I want to leave behind? There has to be more to life than 'this.' Am I doing enough for my family? Should I be doing more? What about my friends? What about me? Yadda, yadda, yadda...

Which brings me to these two movie, they seem to fit in one wacky way or another.

What the Bleep Do We Know!?
As soon as the DVD comes out on this I need to rent it and watch it again. There were too many ideas floating around. While I tried to digest one idea, the film was well into another idea, but my concentration wasn't. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed this film, because it was a different approach.

Listening to the, spiritual advisor, Ramtha, I can see why some have described this as a cult-like film. She was a little over the top for my personal taste. Then again, The Passion was way over the top for many too.

The most memorable part for me was the labeled water crystals. I haven't bothered researching the project further, but it was intriguing. The gist was the following: if you label water with positive words the water crystals are beautiful. On the other hand, if you label water with negative words the water crystals reflect the negativity. It makes sense, if you believe.

And, because of this film, I am started planning a vacation to Portland sometime next year. Nothing due to the content really, I just liked the way it looked. I also want to visit Powell's Books. ;)

I Heart Huckabees
Huckabees was the 180 degree compliment to What the Bleep... It was hilarious. Characters questioning certain aspects of their lives hire existential detectives to help them figure it out.

The reason I got such a kick out of this movie is that a few times in (hindsight) I've thought of how great it would be to hire people to capture the third-party, unbiased perspective of my life. To see what I project to the world.

Oh, and Jude Law. ;)

Generations

I saw three generations of a family on the train today. I was moved. The quiet grandfather, the attentive father and the smiling toddler all reflected happiness.

I don't know if their respective lives are engulfed in happiness, but for that one train ride I chose to believe it was so.

Rain

The first rain of the season took place today. I love bearable cold weather, but I am not ready for it to be here. It's too soon.

Christmas songs greeted my entrance into a couple of department stores. What happened to my new year's resolutions! (sigh)

I'm not ready for this year to be over. Time is flying alright, but I can't say it's due to fun.

New Phase

A lot of people I know are no longer with the company. I am still employed, except it's not the same group. I am not too happy about this. Yes, my team worked crazy hours and had way too much work but it was a great team. I can blame all this on the reorganization, the company's realignment of priorities.

Rumor is I'm in the new group because of my development skills. I said goodbye to those skills almost two years ago. This is pulling me away from the management track I was focusing on.

I can adapt to change that is not the problem. The first step is getting through the knee-deep architecture documents to get myself up to speed on my new project and technoligies. The second step is building relationships with my new team. I can already tell they are not a social bunch and I am not feeling particularly social myself.

All the time leading up to the reorg I thought I was handling the stress pretty well. As soon as it was over, my body let me know other wise. I'm going on my second week of having a cold. This is not normal for me. Maybe it's the age. ahhahhahah

Priorities

Often the question of priorities comes up for me. Are my priorities in order? The focus is usually grad school. For grad school the answer is easy. Nope, my priorities are not in order because I am dragging my feet on making a decision.

Today was the start of another vacation, which will last close to two weeks. I 'should' be at work since tomorrow I would know if I still have a job or not. Instead I will be going on another road trip.

Part of me wants to be laid off so I can go on an extended vacation and be forced to move on to another state or another career (maybe both). Another part of me does not like the idea of interviews and not knowing...yep, I am attached to my salary. haahaha

My priorities in this time of uncertainty? If I get laid off, I would be on vacation anyway so I got an early start. If I still have a job, there is going to be so much damn work (and less people) I am going to need a vacation.

In conclusion, I did make a decision. I did prioritize. My conclusion: F*ck it! My #1 priority is me and spending time with my father.

Off to the lake. ;)

Spent

I have been participating in a six month program that has come to an end. It did so at the right time, I had reached my limit. I am emotionally and mentally exhausted. The thing that was killing me when things were bad was that I signed up for the program. I submitted an application and accepted the offer to join.

Every team had a vision, which in theory would provide cost-savings to the company. We presented our results yesterday to a room of peers and upper management. A vice president is willing to support our project. My team got so much positive feedback after our presentation...our egos will be healthy for a long time.

The journey to this point was not easy. (We were warned in advance about this.) It got to the point where I wanted to quit. (I am not a quitter.) It got the point where I was trying desperately not to hate my team members. (I never use the word hate.)

During the journey, I felt anger, disappointment. I cried. I was stressed. I was disconnected. I counted months, days, hours for it to be over.

Now that it is over, I feel a void. We learned so much, it has not really hit us yet. We were tested on so many different levels both professionally and personally.

We walked away knowing our strengths, but most importantly our weaknesses.

We walked away knowing we are leaders. Everyone thinks they can lead, but until given the opportunity no one really knows. Today I know for a fact that I can lead. Any doubts I ever felt are gone. The confidence I have gained is going to serve my life, not just my career. I am a different person than I was six months ago.

We went out to celebrate tonight. It was sad. It was superficial. We never bonded as a team. It may not hit us right away, but we have the answers to what went wrong. If each of us is able to pinpoint, own and work on what went wrong for each of us personally the past six months were a gift. If we are unable to do so, the past six months were a waste.

Expectations

To be a woman in this day and age is good, but it could be better. Double standards still exist, sometimes strongly imposed from one woman to another. This in addition to the double standards men impose on women.

One of my coworkers has very strong opinions regarding his wife, a woman with degrees in physics. She is to be a stay-at-home mom, regardless of the fact that she wants to work. I can only imagine not being able to work because my partner did not allow it. (The words "divorce court" quickly come to my mind.) When I asked him how his wife were to support herself and their daughter should something happen to him, he walked away from my desk. The conversation was apparently over. I was not arguing the mom part. I respect all moms. I was arguing not having the choice to work, the forced dependence.

I can tell I make him uncomfortable. He has this fear that his daughter will grow up to think like me. "Too practical, too independent." If she is lucky, she will be independent and practical. It's beyond luck though, it's going to be her environment.

Which brings me to the movies that made me realize, how lucky I am to be a woman today and not in the 1820s or the 1860s.

Vanity Fair
Reese Witherspoon's Becky makes it up the social ladder with less than honorable methods. Here you have a woman who knows what she wants and goes for it, except it looked bad. I both disliked and cheered for Becky. Disliked her because of her ambitions. Cheered for her because of her ambitious nature.

I know there is a notion of social classes everywhere. Either I don't notice them around me or I don't care. I think it is a blend of both. It is also not in my face. I have a friend who desperately wants to be in the upper class, it is how she defines success for herself. She thinks it will bring her happiness. I wonder how long it's going to take her to realize it won't.

Cold Mountain
Nicole Kidman's character, Ada, started out as a weakling, but grew strong. Ada was a proper lady thrown way out of her reality when her father passes away at the start of the Civil War. She must learn to fend for herself with the help of Rene Zellweger's, Ruby, a not so proper lady.
This movie is a love story, which I got caught up in. The long separated lovers, Ada and Jude Law's Inman, were going to be together or so I thought! What a letdown! All that drama for nothing! Was his journey worth it? I think not.

1,000 Miles

My friend and I logged a little over 1,000 miles of driving in five days. One more hour north and we would have made it to Oregon, but that will have to take place some other time.

I don't like her driving style (too fast) and she does not like mine (too cautious). Our music choices are very different. (Music is important when going on a road trip.) Our food choices are different too. She drinks, I don't. Sounds like a recipe for disaster. But, it wasn't! Thank goodness.

We had only planned for Napa. Everything else we were going to play by ear. Now, this was a little tough for me, because I am a planner. I've not yet lost my spontaneity, but it is not as prevalent as it once was. I don't like not knowing where I am going to sleep. I like reservations.

Wednesday, 8/25
First stop Monterey. Quaint, seaside town. Chock-full of tourists (like us). Focus was on Cannery Row for shopping. A visit would not be complete without stopping at Monterey Bay Aquarium. The jelly fish exhibit was worth the visit.

We continued on to the city of Gilroy better known for the Gilroy Garlic Festival. Garlic ice cream, anyone? More shopping minus the garlic.

Thursday, 8/26
Napa Valley, California's wine country, our only *planned* outing. Walked around downtown Napa.

Robert Mondavi Winery She liked the wine, I liked the real estate.

Niebaum-Coppola Winery Beautiful. This place had movie props, which was pretty cool. I walked out of there with a plan to see The Godfather and its sequels. Yep, I've never seen them.

I did not get to ride in a hot air ballon, instead she booked a ride on the Napa Valley Wine Train, which includes a five course dinner with wine tasting and wonderful views. A bit too romantic for friends, but we made the most of it. Our table was the laughter table.

My friend loves movies as much as I do. We caught a few on our road trip. First up was Collateral. We both liked it. It freaked us out a bit. We ran to our car since it was very late and we were in a strange city. Somehow I pressed the wrong button, the next thing we knew the damn trunk opened up. There is a scene involving a car trunk in the film, hence our rattled nerves.
The movie takes place in Los Angeles, my birth city. It's always fun to recognize streets and buildings of *your* city.
In the film, Tom Cruise makes mention of a news story where a man was dead on the metro for sometime before anyone noticed. His character was right, we live in a disconnected world. A lonely world, if we let it.

Friday, 8/27
COPIA was my favorite stop in Napa. I took a class on wine, lord knows I needed something more along the line of Wine for Dummies. I learned about rose wines. I did not like the tasting. Maybe sweeter ones? hahaha

St. Helena is the next city north of Napa. We only made two stops.
Beringer Winery She liked the wine, I liked the real estate. The tour was great. Learned a bit about wine making.

The Culinary Institute of America I booked a cooking demonstration at the CIA @ Napa. Tamales for goodness sake. Try selling that to two people of Mexican descent who for years have helped their mothers prepare tamales. Completely new approach (tenderizing with orange juice and a can of Coke), but the tamales were yummy. We approved. I want to study at the CIA. ;)

Calistoga, city north of St. Helena, which consists of one main road filled with spas. We visited the Old Faithful Geyser one of the three famous in the world. It erupts about every 30 minutes.
The Petrified Forest, we "stepped back in time, over 3 million years...." and I almost got stung by a bee.

At this point we started driving north, looking for lodging that would not cost an arm and a leg, with intentions of coming back to the wineries, we did not. On the way, we tried our luck at a casino surrounded by vineyards. We lost.

Next stop: Ukiah. The question "What are you famous for?" was answered with a surprised look and no real answer. Okay. "Where are your movie theaters?" Open Water was my choice for the evening. I liked it, she hated it. It made us seasick. What is worse: seeing the sharks or not seeing the sharks? I'll never go scuba diving.

We took the Avenue of the Giants road. Wow. This was zen. Spiritual rejuvenation, dare I say. I dare. Nature smells wonderful. My lungs and my spirit are forever grateful.

Saturday, 8/28
Eureka about an hour from Oregon. This is as far as we traveled. I loved this coastal city. It reminded me of Vancouver. The ocean in front of you, the redwoods behind you. We visited Humboldt State University. I would have liked that school had I known it existed. I would have been a hardcore coffee drinker (nah, hot chocolate) and a tree hugger.

Suspect Zero really made us think twice about traveling on lonely roads. This movie was freaky. I'd rather live in ignorance when it comes to evil humans.

Sunday, 8/29
Headed east towards Redding on our way back. Tried our luck at another casino, no luck. Took California State Highway 299, which made my friend carsick. The tailgaters made me nervous. If the sign says 25mph on the upcoming turn, it means slow down! I did. The people behind me were annoyed.
We stopped and hiked down to the Trinity River. 100 degree weather made that cold water very inviting, except neither one of us knows how to swim and the sign said "Warning. Strong currents. Experts beyond this point." Kayaking looked fun too.

It's official. I can handle a swimming pool. I am afraid of the ocean and bodies of waters like rivers and lakes. I can see the bottom of a swimming pool. I cannot see the bottom of the ocean, lakes or rivers. (cue: Jaws theme music)

That was it. That was the trip and I enjoyed it very much. I was ready to come home.

Smart Action Hero

I should have refreshed my memory by renting The Bourne Identity, but I didn't.

The Bourne Supremacy
India. Berlin. Moscow. These cities formed the background scenery for the film. India was crowded and chaotic. Germany was extremely clean and bright. Russia was an economy in recovery. All these places lived up to what my imagination has conjured up.

I'm calling this the intelligent person's action movie because it requires a bit of thought. Although it does seem a bit predictable at times I thoroughly enjoyed the sequel. I'll probably watch them back to back once the DVD for this latest movie is out.

I remember as a kid I always wanted to be a spy. I don't remember what movie I watched that made the spy profession alluring. My version of a spy career did not allow for people to be hurt or killed, only the 'simple' retrieval of information.

Ode to Jersey

Any film that starts with a Coldplay song in the background is a keeper. Coldplay puts me in a trance. A dangerous trance at that. I've noticed that all I want to do is close my eyes and listen. A few months ago I caught myself starting to close my eyes while driving! What the ....!

Garden State
This is a story about returning home after a long absence, coming out of a prescribed medication stupor, handling of personal grief and finding the not-so-perfect mate. And it's still funny! A little sad too. To top it off, I'm buying a copy of the sountrack.

Scrubs' Zack Graff wrote, directed and starred in this film. Pretty good job, but I went to see it because he makes me laugh on a weekly basis. The second reason was Ms. Natalie Portman. I have been a fan since I saw her in The Professional carrying around that plant. Third reason? I like quirky.

Vacation Deprivation

No wonder everyone I know is so damn tired. The average American vacation is 10.2 days per year excluding holidays. The crazy thing is there is no time for vacation. I am supposed to take some time off next week and the more I think about it, the more I want to cancel the road trip. I have too much to do.

The flipside of my vacations is that I start to want to go back to work while I am on vacation. I get tired of being on vacation regardless of how much fun I may be having and oftentimes feel more exhausted after a vacation than if I had been at work. I never thought of myself as a workaholic, but maybe I am.

One of my coworkers is on a forced vacation because she has stopped accumulating vacation, which has too many vacation days on the books. Grass greener on the other side? Hardly! That simply means she has not taken a decent vacation in years.

Why the tirade? An article on one of the online newspapers detailed the vacation days per year of other industrialized nations, it's eye-opening. But how can I miss something I've never had. ;)

Ethiopian Food

Not using utensils when I eat really ruins my meal. I did not enjoy my venture into this new cuisine. If there had been a fork and a knife, I would be saying the opposite.

The flavors were nothing out of the ordinary. The experience was different. I won't be eating there again. At least I can say I've tried it.

Olympics

Watched the opening ceremonies. It's cool to watch all the atheletes in the happy mode before they get down to business.

Looks like I won't be sleeping much, if I plan on watching all the events I want to see. This would have been two good weeks to be on vacation.

Singer

I must have been a singer in a past life. I rediscovered my CD collection and consequently have been singing my little heart out. As a kid I wanted to be a singer. My biggest worry in those days was how in the world I was going to remember all of "my" songs.

I love how a song can take me back to 19xx and bring back the warm memories of the era. I realized it also brings back the bad memories and I start to laugh. Laugh because what felt like the end of my world in one way or another, today it is put in perfect perspective.

The memories couldn't be complete without a random sadness. Sadness to think that people I thought would be in my life forever no longer are.

Potential Break

One of my friends emailed me with the following: "Let's go on vacation." She needs a few days off. I offered her to come to SF and just hang out, get away from LA. She agreed and then said she wanted to go to Napa and tour the wineries.

The prime reason people visit Napa is for the wine tasting. I don't drink, so I'm not looking forward to that. I wanted to go hiking but she axed that idea pretty fast.

This should be interesting. It's easier to vacation with people that like the same things.

Endless

It's been one of those painfully slow weeks. My motivation was non-existant. It's amazing what the start of lay-offs can do. Endless speculation and worry.

Needless to say, deadlines don't wait. Deliverables need to be met. I felt like I was pulling my own teeth trying to get tasks completed.
One more day and this week is over!

#6

Lance Armstrong did it again. He set the record for most consecutive wins (6) of the Tour de France to date.

2,087.8072059 miles (3,360 kilometers)

in

83 hours. 36 minutes. 2 seconds.

Hell, I cheered for all the cyclists. I was taken by surprise by the selflessness of the team members propelling their respective leaders to the win.

For me personally, having a cancer survivor succeed is very motivating. So many people, myself included, place obstacles in their own paths where in actuality there are none. Mr. Armstrong helps to remind us that life is what we make of it.

Next...the Olympics.

Cuba

I should have been in Cuba today, if it wasn't for the tiny fact that the government does not make it easy for me to get there. I don't meet the criteria for the handful of flights that leave from the States and frankly travel to the island nation is discouraged. My other options were to leave from Canada or Mexico. I did look into the alternatives, but decided not to go. I better send my friend a great gift, since I'm missing her wedding. Who says online dating doesn't work?

Closer to home, less than a mile actually, I will be attending a co-worker's post-wedding dinner. It should be fun. I've psyched myself up for the comments and questions:

"Have you thought about settling down?"
"You're next."
"Don't you want to have kids?"
"By the time I was your age, I already had X kids."
...

Men don't get this crap.

Update: Only one comment. Pretty good. ;)

T-shirt

"Damn. I forgot to have a baby."

I read an article that made a reference to the famous t-shirt and I started to laugh. The timing of this reading seemed appropriate considering hours before I had the unsolicited, marriage/baby talk.

Feedback

In general, feedback is good. There is your perception of yourself and then there is the perception of you that those around you have. If you are in tune, those two perceptions are pretty close. If not, someone has some work to do and it is likely you.

Negative feeback is hard. I'm direct, but I don't like to be the author of someone else's hurt or sadness.

It's easier for me to deal with someone I have pissed off or angered than someone who is hurt or sad.

I gave some feedback today and I ended up f*cking crying. It was only two tears in two seconds.

For a few years, I've thought of myself to be tough as nails. It turns out I have a heart and tact. Pleasant reality check, but I still want the tough as nails.

International Panel

China. England. Honduras. India. Russia. Those were the countries represented. The topic was cultural differences. There was one common theme: the perception of Americans as arrogant. The funny thing is some of the most arrogant people I have met have been foreigners, but I know not to label their fellow countrymen arrogant. To me, labels like that are earned on an individual basis.

I question who they deal with on a day to day basis. I am American and am far from arrogant. I have dealt with Americans my entire life, I am surrounded by them but my run-ins with 'arrogance' have been minimal. Call it my good luck.

When the panel was questioned further, what I heard was a confusion between confidence and arrogance. What's wrong with acknowledging you can do something, when you know you can?

Another difference was asking questions. I have no problems stating when I don't know how to do something and asking for help. Neither do most of the people I know. It's work. Get over that learning curve and proceed. Projects need to reach completion. The majority of the panel expressed a fear of asking stupid questions or stating a weakness.

The panel pointed out American directness/straightforwardness. Ambiguity wastes time. I enjoy taking what comes out of a person's mouth at face value and not having to decipher what was really meant. (This coming from a person accused of being too direct.)

On a different cultural note, one of my co-workers implied I should have been on the panel representing a second Latino perspective. The missing blond hair, blue/green eyes and Spanish last name made him question my not volunteering. When I am in Mexico, people tell me, "Tu no entiendes, eres Americana." I'm in the States and people assume I am Mexican. In retrospect, I dare say I got the best of both cultures. (It could have been the worse of both cultures, but thanks to my parents and those that have crossed my path it did not turn out that way.) Let me guess, that came across as arrogant. ;)

Okay, I'll end with a quote.

"The earth is but one country and mankind its citizens."
-Baha'u'llah, the Founder of the Baha'i Faith

le Tour de France

I am so caught up watching the bicycling event at the moment. I wake up early to catch a snippet before I go to work. I stay up late to find out the results. (This means avoiding any sources that will spoil the results for me.)

I am in admiration of the discipline required. The fortitude. The passion...it has to be a factor in something so grueling.

I'm cheering for Lance Armstrong. For years, I have recognized the name, now I recognize the face. I thought this guy was in his forties, he is only 32.

I must say if I was one of those cycling, I'd have to hit some of those fans. They get too close to the cyclists. They've showed clips of past years where fans have caused cyclists to fall. Ridiculous. Stay behind the barricades people.

I get to see beautiful foreign landscapes. And the best is yet to come.

In the Book Zone

As of this entry, it has resided 69 weeks in the New York Times bestseller list. Yep, I am talking about the The Da Vinci Code.

Should it be made into a film, I imagine Kevin Spacey (or Vince Vaughn) and Audrey Tautou (or Jennifer Garner) in the lead roles along with the controversy that will accompany such subject matter.

This was very interesting reading. I was hooked from the first page until the last...so hooked I missed the announcement my train was being rerouted. When I looked up, I did not know where I was...this was 45 minutes after the announcement. It took me 2+ hours to get home and yet I didn't mind.

Macabre

I was glad to find out I am not the only one who watches shows about serial killers and/or unsolved crimes such as murders. While talking to one of my more consertive co-workers, he volunteered that he likes to watch the same kind of shows.

It's a bit unnerving to find yourself watching these shows. And I'm not talking about CSI: Crime Scene Investigation either, I'm talking about the real deal.

Don't know if this new genre is a step up or below the awful dating shows. I'd probably rather not know. hahhaha

Old School

You know that funny feeling you get when you see/hear things related to previous phases of your life. That's been happening a lot lately. Sometimes it makes me chuckle, other times it makes me gasp in disbelief.

You see, I cannot believe that music of my youth is played on old-school radio stations. What the hell?! Those tunes were in constant rotation just yesterday. ;) Now you have the Beastie Boys, The Cure, George Michael, and even Lionel Richie releasing new albums. I'm hoping for a Natalie Merchant release one of this days.

Strawberry Shortcake stuff for today's kids. What's next...She-Ra?

As it is I am thoroughly enjoying The Cosby Show reruns on TV.

Old school fun was tag, cops & robbers, kickball, marbles, hopscotch, tetherball and...

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
Freaking dodgeball! This movie was hilarious. Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller two of my favorite funny people delivered again.
Maybe it was the painful memories of having been hit in the face with a dodgeball! I was told it wasn't on purpose, but with kids you never know. hahahah

Mini-vacation

Work has been crazy for far too long. With offshoring to India, the company's latest cost-cutting announcement (read: lay-offs), more work than is healthy for anyone...I said, screw this, I'll see you in a couple of days. My only regret is that I did not make it ten days as originally planned.

At first I was toying with the idea of taking time off. Then we had a meeting with one of our vice presidents. He said we needed to decide for ourselves if it was worth it for each of us personally to proceed through the remaining of this year (probably longer) with anxiety/rumors about job security. That was my sign to take a break...to mentally prepare to stick it out and let the chips fall where they may or start looking for another job maybe even a career change. I walked out of that meeting and bought my airline ticket for the next day within an hour.

I've opted to let the chips fall where they may only because I am in a prime position to continue learning and continue being challenged. On the side, I will be updating my resume since I will also be playing it by ear. If it gets to be too much, I'm ready to move on.

Hanging out with my family was great, as always. I again questioned my decision to be so far from them after seeing how my parents have aged. I feel overprotective of them and the need to be near.

I also laughed more than I have in years. The kind of laughing where control is fleeting and breathing is almost impossible. This thanks to M.

Time to start planning me next getaway.

Home Run

Michael Moore has done it again. His latest movie lives up to its hype. Movies with this much press run the risk of being highly disappointing. There was no room for disappointment with regards to the film itself. (There was room for some of the people in it.) Instead there was awe, disgust, laughter, reflection, shock, tears...

Fahrenheit 9/11
Editing is definitely mightier than the pen and sword combined. There were some points that I can argue with, but that is my personal opinion. Anything that makes people think and want to take action has succeeded, even if that action is as simple as dialogue.

One of the arguments I've heard is about letting kids (pre-teens/teens) watch this film even in the company of their parents. The fact that children are growing up killing/blowing people up in video games screams hypocrisy people. Wake up already. Pay attention to some of the young soldiers interviewed. I subscribe to the school of thought that we are becoming desentisized and the younger generations much more quickly.

One item that really bothered me was the military recruitment focused on predominantly minority kids. I never really thought of why people signed up for the military, I always assumed it was a choice. (Yes, they had a choice, but a limited one given the circumstances, the outlook.) And I say this, because I wanted to join the military right out of high school. I seeked out the necessary people and got the information I needed. My then desire to join was a love of country. A sense of duty. My father and an ex talked me out of it. My father did not think I could cut it. My ex thought I'd get kicked out since I don't take kindly to orders. Fastforward to now, I am a computer geek for goodness sake safe in my cubicle wondering what my life would have been like if...

Conclusion: watch it there is something for everyone.

Doggie Yoga

It exists. Yoga for dogs. Hey, I agree dogs are people too. But this is a bit much for me to accept.

Trust

I have issues with trust. I am the first one to admit it. It is funny though, because I, by default, trust all the drivers around me on the highway...strangers. I trust them to follow the agreed upon laws set forth for everyone's protection.

Today I had to trust someone would not drop me during a trust task. The first exercise was hard for me. All I had to do was drop back a few inches. That was it! I did it but with much dread. I returned the favor and it was on to the next task.

Task #2 required my small team to climb up a tree, approximately 40 to 50 feet off the ground. The first ten feet were on a flimsy ladder, which your ladder partners would hold to minimize wobble. The remaining distance you had to rock climb using some square and cylindrical pegs. Once you got the the twelve inch ledge, you had to stand on it and turn around, jump off the ledge to hit a ball a few feet above your head and float down. (There was a harness on you.) I secured my teammates ropes, acted as their ladder partner or spotter, should they fall. When it came time to me, we had run out of time. I was so disappointed because due to my passive nature on this task, I did not get a chance to float.

Task #3 required a team of 50 to get people over a 15 or 20 foot wall. No Ropes. Just people pushing you up and people pulling you up. Should there be a fall backward, no net. You had 42 people spotting you with their hands. I f*ucked up. I was wearing a fleece jacket which was too smooth for the people pulling up to get a firm hold of me. The task overseer mentioned that you should consider getting into a harness if you had fleece on. I didn't do it. Then it got surreal. People on top were yelling, people on the bottom were yelling, my spotters were yelling, I was yelling. My words: "Let go, I want to fall to the ground. Let me go." Turns out those yells were all in my head nothing was coming out of my mouth.
Psychologically I checked out. People were talking and I could see right through them. I was not ignoring them. My mind was in overdrive analyzing: what went wrong?
Then they started to egg me on for a second try. A f*cking second try! After that drama, are you kidding me!
Next thing I know I had a harness on (which I did not put on), I was walking towards the wall and 50 people were yelling: "You can do it!" "Come on!" "We got this."
My movements were robotic, do this first, do that second. Next thing I knew I had made it.
My pride was wounded, it took me two tries! Everyone pointed out my courage. After a full day in the redwoods, some people said my going back was the highlight of the day...the courage. I'll have to take those words at face value, because my pride is still wounded and I am kicking myself for the first unsuccessful attempt.

Teambuilding exercises. I had to trust those people. The first try sucked. I needed them and they helped me pull through the second attempt. If that is not trust, I don't know what is.

Heading home, my pride was still wounded. This did not last long. I volunteer answering phones at a local crisis line. The following calls put my little mishap in perspective:
1) Family member diagnosed with Alzheimer's
2) Husband terminal with cancer
3) Mother wants to commit suicide
4) "I need a gun to kill myself"

Catching Up #2

Another round of foreign films.

God is Great, I'm Not
Audrey Tautou, star of Amelie, need I say more? She is looking for "that something" in various religions. All the while there is a relationship building with a male 12 years her senior. This movie is by no means near Amelie standards, but it was enjoyable.

Having taken up the spirituality theme this year, myself, I could identify with the searching. I've read the Buddhism books. More than a decade ago I had some interest in Judaism.
Years ago I also dated someone who was twelve years my senior. Don't ask. ahhhaha I notice that in other countries age is really nothing but a number. Today I look back and ask myself, what the hell was I thinking? I wouldn't trade that experience for anything in the world, but seriously what was I thinking!

Nine Queens
This Argentinian film was great. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Bait and switch. Kept me guessing until the end. This movie is about con artists and some of the stuff they pull. There was a scene where the older con artist tells the younger one to look around him, that cons are everywhere. It was a little nervewracking to think I could be the victim of a con/pickpocket. I'm doing good though, I don't fall for the junk mail that claims I have won a prize and need to call a long distance number to claim my winnings. ;)

Happy Times
Chinese films are like Iranian films in that they can deliver great entertainment with no sex or violence. And, if there is sex or violence it's there for the storyline not just the bottom dollar selling point.
This film was about a man who desperately wants to marry and needs to raise the money for the wedding. The wedding falls through, but he develops a relationship with a young blind girl, a father-daughter relationship. The movie's clean and wholesome approach was refreshing.

Wonderland
Slice of life movies can be so depressing. I go to the movies to escape, to laugh, to cry, to enjoy. This English movie was just depressing. About people who don't have a handle on their life. I don't need to see that, I'm living it for goodness sake. It worked in the sense that I realized 'the grass is definitely greener on my side.'

Catching Up #1

Although I've been busy I still manage to watch some movies in my downtime. I've noticed I am not making it to the movies as much as before, because before I know it they are already out on DVD.

Raising Helen
Kate Hudson, the new Meg Ryan, in that girl-next-door, too cute to be real way. After her sister passes away, she gets custody of her sister's three kids. This was such a cute film.
I can't imagine having my life changed so dramatically. One day single with a career, the next day a mother of three and having to prioritize the children above that career you've worked for. (Yes, almost the same premise as Ben Affleck's Jersey Girl which I also liked.)

I have this thing with planning, probably because of the false sense of absolute control derived from it. This is one of the reasons I opted out of being a godparent recently.

The Company
I've only been to two ballet 'shows' in my life. Both times I have enjoyed them very much. Seeing ballet dancers up close finally allowed me to classify them as athletes instead of just dancers. They might be smaller, but those are the most fragile-looking well-defined bodies I've seen.
The Company is a movie that uses real ballet dancers as actors, not vice versa. This movie meant to capture the real life of these dedicated athletes and it did. It's not a glamorous one and a whole lot of work.
For a storyline approach, I recommend Center Stage. Ballet was the backdrop instead of the story in this one.

Beyond Borders
Traveling to a war-torn country to find a loved one is a hard sell for me. Watching Angelina Jolie go looking for the man she loves makes it even harder. I can't take her seriously in such a role, blame Lara Croft.
Now another movie with the same premise, different country really moved me. I really liked Harrison's Flowers. Maybe because I do see Andie McDowell as a more serious actress? Hmmm.

There was a scene in the Jolie movie that made me question what would I do? No, not about looking for someone with all odds against me. What would I do if I heard the click of a landmine? Would I stand there as long as I could wishing for a miracle? Or would I accept my fate and step off?

Obscene

There are certain stores I don't bother to go into. I just know they are expensive so what's the point? A friend of mine said, "Let's go in there, I want to see if the new style is in yet." Okay, sure.

She went to look for her potential purchase.

I saw a "sale" table, so I head on over. A purse caught my attention. I couldn't help it, it was a very bright green. Pretty ugly. I flipped the price tag. That damn purse's cost was equivalent to one month's rent for my apartment.

We walked out of the store and five steps away a homeless person was asking for food.

Mom's sh*tlist

In the recent past...

Monday: Message #1
"Hi darling daughter, how are you? We're all okay. Just calling to say hi."

Tuesday: Message #2
"Hi sweetie, how are you? We're all okay. Talk to you later."

Wednesday: Message #3
"Hi dear, I've left you a few messages. You must be busy. Don't work too hard."

Thursday: Message #4
"Hi. We're fine. Dad is fine. Brother is fine. Bye."

Friday: Message #5
"Call (xxx) xxx - xxxx. This is your mother."

Saturday: My turn #1
"Hi, this is your long lost daughter from California, sorry. Been so busy. No time. Where are you?"

Sunday: My turn #2
Me: "Hi mom, finally."
Mom: "Oh hi sweetie, this is not a good time."
Me: "But, " (interrupted)
Mom: "Sorry, gotta go now. We're going out. Okay. Bye."
Click

Observations

There is this woman who claims to have multiple sclerosis. I take different trains, on different days and times and I always see her. She begs for money to pay for her doctors appointments. The first time I was sad to see it, but did not have money to give her. The second time I thought something was fishy about the situation. The third time I watched people give her money and get conned. Now I can effortlessly ignore her.

Women have boarded the train and sat right across from me. It is a 45 minute ride to my destination. In that time, I see plain-looking women transform themselves into beautiful women or above average looking women. It is very difficult not to sneak peeks at the work in-progress. "Putting on your face" is definitely an art. I know what they really look like along with every one else who took the time to notice. It seems deceptive and makes me appreciate the natural beauties out there.

Someone once sat next to me on my way home late one night. He started talking to himself. Then he started to snort something that looked white. (I only saw it out of the corner of my eye.) That was my cue to get the hell out of there.

I saw a very well dressed couple board the train. The guy was drunk out of his mind and bleeding from the top of his head. The girl was crying and muttering, "How could you do this to me?" Blood was making its way to his tuxedo. He was six feet tall, she was five feet tall at most. I felt sorry for her. How was she going to get him down the stairs, to the parking lot and the car? He needed help to stand up let alone walk.

People that don't want to move their bag/briefcase/suitcase from the seat next to them piss me off. Seriously, did their mom not teach them any better?

I have seen a guy walk up to another guy, punch him in the face, walk away and take a seat at the other end of the train. The victim looked shocked because he did not know the aggressor.

I have heard a seventeen year old tell another seventeen year old, "Your problem is you don't know anything about women." When the two kids got off at their destination me and everyone within earshot started laughing. One guy in his thirties said, "Yeah, I used to be young and stupid. Thought I knew everything." Every male nodded his head in laughter and unanimous agreement.

Oh My

I'm not doing a very good job with my blogging. The intentions are there, the lack of time is the problem.

Sleep

I had a tough week. I'm using that as my excuse. I have not slept this much since I was in school post-finals. I woke up at noon, was awake for three hours, slept for another four hours. I would have slept more if it had not been for the phone. Now I am wide awake, which means I'll be up until the wee hours of the morning and hate Monday morning.

I did listen to some music I bought recently on one of my "I'm just going to look" stops at Borders.

Kevin Johansen+The Nada: Sur O No Sur
I bought this because it was different. Strange. Bilingual. Like I told a friend of mine, this CD deserved to be bought for it's uniqueness. I really like it. The accent...I'm a sucker for accents.

Los Tri-O: Canciones del Alma de Marco Antonio Solis
"Tu Carcel" the first song, I heard back in 1987! It's amazing what nostalgia will do. And with my latest attempts to learn the guitar all the guitars got me back in practice mode. I'm still tuning and learning basic chords.
The marketing on this is not bad: three handsome guys in suits with guitars.

Movies Galore

When I started blogging, I did not intend to comment on movies regularly. Now I want to look back and see what exactly I viewed and what I thought about them. Often times I've seen movies and forgot I saw them or what I thought of them. Thinking about it, one of my *dream* jobs would consist of movies, music and reading.

Super Size Me
Oh my, this movie was disgusting, disturbing, informative, funny, and great. It's in the same category as Bowling for Columbine.

McDonald's is not 100% to blame for people being fat, but I believe they represent a part of the obesity problem. Having said that...
Anyone who has kids or eats fast food should watch this movie. I grew up on fast food (including McDonald's) and until a few years ago was a somewhat frequent patron. I can't wait to see some of the long term effects.
I consider myself an informed consumer, but I had no idea. No, I am not going to stop eating fast food. I love In&Out food. What's the saying: "Everything in moderation." I'll hold myself accountable.

13 Going on 30
I went to see this for two reasons. I'm an Alias fan. (Reports are right, Jennifer Garner is the next Julia Roberts moviewise.) I just turned 30. The music, the clothes and the hairstyles of the 13 year old in the movie...been there, done that. ;) It was funny to watch. Who doesn't like a romantic comedy anyway?

Solas
When I start my DVD collection this movie will definitely be part of it. I loved this movie. It made me cry. Anyone who has experienced a tumultuous relationship with their mom for whatever reasons will identify with this movie on some level.
Don't expect beautiful Spanish scenery or action sequences instead a lot of dialogue and still shots.

Made me think how the tiniest gesture can have an effect on a stranger's life: good or bad. Relationships are formed between neighbors during the course of this movie. (No, not romantic.) I've been living in my apartment for over three years and I don't know any of my neighbors. I can't say I've had an effect on their lives or them on mine.

Mouth to Mouth
Another Spanish film. This was genuinely funny in a different way. It was all over the map. Refreshing comedy, if you will. Struggling actor takes a job as a phone sex operator and everything goes down hill from there.

Project Management

I took a Project Management class this week at work. I'm amazed at how much goes into managing a project. I doubt many people manage to that degree of detail. On the technical side I dislike sizing tasks. Imagine sizing an end-to-end project. Considering I see myself moving into management eventually, this was a good sneak peak to the future headaches that await me.

History

I finally finished reading my latest book pick. It took me a bit longer than usual because I needed to be in full concentration mode to digest a lot of the information. When I was not fully engaged I noticed I had read a few pages and not realized what I had just read, which meant backtracking on more than one occasion.

A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson
This book was really interesting and put me in the "I want to go back to school" mode. In the grand scheme of things, I know nothing. haahaha A lot of the facts sounded familiar which means my science teachers throughout my life have done a really good job. I learned dozens upon dozens of new facts and some fun trivia.

Following is a small set of quotes from the book.

"Yellowstone, it turns out, is a supervolcano. It sits on top of an enormous hot spot, a reservoir of molten rock that rises from at least 125 miles down in the Earth. The heat from the hot spot is what powers all of Yellowstone's vents, geysers, hot springs, and popping mud pots. Beneath the surface is a magma chamber that is about forty-five miles across - roughly the same dimensions as the park - and about eight miles at its thickest point. Imagine a pile of TNT about the size of Rhode Island and reaching eight miles into the sky, to about the height of the highest cirrus clouds, and you have some idea of what the visitors at Yellowstone are shuffling around on top of." (pp. 225)

"Even so, spaceships have to take care in the outer atmosphere, particularly on return trips to Earth, as the space shuttle Columbia demonstrated all too tragically in February 2003. Although the atmosphere is very thin, if a craft comes in at too steep an angle - more than 6 degrees - or too swiftly it can strike enough molecules to generate drag of an exceedingly combustible nature. Conversely, if an incoming vehicle hit the atmosphere at too shallow an angle, it could well bounce back into space, like a pebble skipped across water." (pp. 257)

"Depending on where it falls, the prognosis for a water molecule varies widely. If it lands in fertile soil it will be soaked up by plants or reevaporated directly within hours or days. If it finds it's way down to the groundwater, however, it may not see sunlight again for many years - thousands if it gets really deep. When you look at a lake, you are looking at a collection of molecules that have been there on average for about a decade. In the ocean the residence time is thought to be more like a hundred years." (pp. 265)

"Your heart must pump 75 gallons of blood an hour, 1,800 gallons every day, 657,000 gallons in a year - that's enough to fill four Olympic-sized swimming pools - to keep all those cells freshly oxygenated (And that's at rest. During exercise the rate can increase as much as sixfold.)" (pp. 378)

"At twenty generations ago, the number of people procreating on your behalf has risen to 1,048,576. Five generations before that, and there are no fewer than 33,554,432 men and women on whose devoted couplings your existence depends. By thirty generations ago, your total number of forebears - remember, these aren't cousins and aunts and other incidental relatives, but only parents and parents of parents in a line leading ineluctably to you - is over one billion (1,073,741,824, to be precise). If you go back sisty-four generations, to the time of the Romans, the number of people on whose cooperative efforts your eventual existence depends on has risen to approximately 1,000,000,000,000,000,000, which is several thousand times the total number of people who have ever lived. Clearly something has gone wrong with our math here. The answer, it may interest you to learn, it that your line is not pure. You couldn't be here without a little incest - actually quite a lot of incest - albeit at a genetically discreet remove." (pp. 398)

"Even thinking, it turns out, affects the ways genes work. How fast a man's beard grows, for instance, is partly a function of how much he thinks about sex (because thinking about sex produces a testosterone surge)." (pp. 413)

"Even now as a species, we are almost preposterously vulnerable in the wild. Nearly every large animal you can care to name is stronger, faster, and toothier than us. Faced with attack, modern humans have only two advantages. We have a good brain, with which we can devise strategies, and we have hands with which we can fling or brandish hurtful objects. We are the only creature that can harm at a distance. We can thus afford to be physically vulnerable." (pp. 447)

Greek Mythology

Someone questioned my reasons for going to go see Troy this weekend. She was implying that my only reason for going was to see Brad Pitt on the big screen. I am not that shallow. The only person I would go see for eye-candy purposes is Colin Farrell. hahahhah

I went to see Troy because it's the precursor for the summer blockbusters. Because it's a big movie. Because my understanding of Greek mythology is nil.

Now I know why she was questioning my motives.

Troy
Wow. I don't mean "wow" what a great movie. I mean "wow" Brad Pitt really worked out. I remember his athletically slim frame in Thelma & Louise. This is a beautiful man...feature wise. I enjoyed my latest addition to the eye-candy shelf.

The movie reminded me about some stuff I had read back in high school. It all came back. It was not the greatest film, but I enjoyed it.

My only complaint is that I think the fight scenes would have been more dramatic if they had been filmed in slow motion a la Saving Private Ryan. You could even call them poetic.

Adoption

Life is really funny. People that have no intention of getting pregnant 'accidentally' do so. People that want children badly cannot have them. People who have opted for adoption are put through hoops and don't always get a child.

Today I attended an adoption panel to show the powers that be that my friends have a support group to which they can turn during the process and afterwards too. There were ten couples looking to adopt who for whatever reasons are not able to have kids of their own.

Through various scenarios I am learning I have beliefs I never knew I had because there was no reason to think those thoughts. I agree that a loving home is first and foremost the most important thing for any child, but I question minority children in white households due to possible identity issues.

español

Earlier this year someone asked me if I spoke Mexican. I started laughing waiting for the joke that had to follow that question. No joke came and the question was posed again. I couldn't believe it. After stating that I speak Spanish, I was corrected and told I speak Mexican. I offered a quick explanation, but I'm not certain I convinced him.

Well, I tried to watch a Spanish movie and I think I do speak Mexican. heheehehe I couldn't understand what the actors were saying. I debated whether to turn on the English or Spanish subtitles. I went with the Spanish subtitles and was very surprised that I could not understand the actors. The darn accent and speed. Enunciate. Don't get me wrong I understood some of the dialogue, but I would have been lost as was pretty evident to me within the first ten minutes.

Mondays in the Sun
This film is about a group of friends who are unemployed and trying to find their place again. (I know I've seen an Irish film with the exact same premise, but I can't remember the name.) It was quite moving to see these guys struggle with their day-to-day life...due to the fact that I know a few people who have gotten laid off and have struggled to get back in the workforce.

Ageism is one of the topics touched. The only character that is actively searching for work reads an advertisement which specifically states ages 20 - 35 wanted for applicants. Interviewers in the States can ask you if you are over 18 but not how old you actually are. No that does not stop ageism from taking place but poses a little obstable.
There is a scene where this same character's son is teaching him how to do something on the computer. Since I have received phone calls from my parents asking "how do we [enter elementary function here]," I could absolutely empathize!

Another character was having problems with his wife bringing in the money while he was unemployed. The idea of a stay-at-home husband would not be one he would embrace. Should I ever get married and make enough money, I would very much love to have a stay-at-home husband who could possibly become a stay-at-home dad, because the domestic homemaker stuff does not appeal to me. Reminds me off my thoughts of getting together with a chef. ;)

Tested

The sh*t hit the fan at work recently. When this happens it seems the natural instinct is to find someone to blame. This is also where you find out how accountable people are for their own f*ck ups.

I found a bit of a problem with some software. I reported it to the key players who would make a decision to delay the release or let it move forward. They chose to ignore my warning. The release night comes along and management pulled the plug on the release at the last minute. People were not happy. Immediately fingers were pointing...to my team. What the hell!

I let them know a day before the release that there was a problem and they decided not to follow up. Where they found the balls to feign ignorance about my warning is beyond me. I can't understand it. I refuse to understand it.

Eventually the truth surfaced. Yeah, someone dropped the ball and it was not my team.

It's disappointing. We are all on the same team with the same goal: release good software to the users.

One of the guys told me I'm pretty popular on the floor the developers sit on. Yeah, wouldn't want to be a fly on that damn wall.

It's basic. I've lost respect for them. The thing is we are on the same project. I'll be working with them for a long time.

Accountability is golden. Either you hold yourself responsible or someone will do it for you.

The release went out with the fix tonight.

Dandelion

There have been a few movies that revolve around food as their main theme. The most recent one I can remember is the german film Mostly Martha.

Well, thanks to Netflix I saw a Japanese film whose focus was noodles.

Tampopo
If you read the title phonetically, that is how you pronounce dandelion in Japanese. Interesting fact. This was a funny film in search of the perfect bowl of noodles. The characters go through many a recipe to get the 'perfect' noodles and after many trials accomplish their objective.

You can see how food plays different roles for different people. It can communicate love. Sadness. There was the view of food and sensuality, that was interesting because I happen to think of Japanese as very reserved people. Of course, my assumption is just that...an assumption. Isn't the porn industry huge there?

All I can say is I was ready to go have lunch at a Japanese place as soon as I was done watching this movie.

Survivor

It's over and Amber won! I can't believe she won. If anyone deserved to win it was Boston Rob! Of course, Big Tom was my favorite but there was no way in hell he would have won.

The last tribal council was too emotional and understandibly so. Many hurt feelings and betrayals. You can't go into a game where you are expected to lie and betray to win a million dollars and expect everything to be normal. It's very hard to see the dividing line between game and friends.

Gerri said it best. They are people, with feelings, who serve as entertainment for the public.

I still have to vote for the person I want to win. Although I am not voting for Rupert, he is gonna win. I just know it.

Mother's Day

I wish my mother was here so we could celebrate the day instead of having a lone phone call. My brother best have stepped up to the plate on this day. I won't hold my breath. hahaha

Friends

After ten years Friends is over. Yep, I got caught up in the hoopla of it all and watched the final episode. It was pretty boring. Considering I was never a real fan of the show and hardly ever watched, I should have known better.

The concept about having a group of six real tight-knit friends was always appealing to me. Most of my friends don't necessarily like each other. It's weird. They don't hate each other, they just would not choose each other as friends since they are so different. I'm the common link. How strange is that.

The Swan

I viewed about a half hour of this new show. The premise: remake yourself with plastic surgery...from and ugly duckling to a swan. Sick. There is one that helps make people over into their favorite celebrity. We're talking teens/young adults. Very sick. Extreme Makeover is another show along the lines of The Swan minus the chosing of the better outcome between the two patients.

I could understand if there was a medical reason such as a deformity (think cleft lip/pallet), but pure vanity...come on now.

Yes, people get teased. I got teased as a kid too. If you have insecurity or emotional problems, changing the outside shell with surgery is not going to make those problems go away.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and in the end the essence of a person is what really matters. Cliche but so damn true. What good is a beautiful person, if they are rotten on the inside?

Oh, and if it's weight related get your ass off the couch and do something about it already or don't complain about it. I don't complain.... hahahah

Heat

We walked over to Chinatown to get some fresh fruit for the week. Strawberries, Asian pears, grapes. No kumquats today. Ordered some almost-authentic chicken chow mein for lunch. Too bad we had to head back to the office, but did so walking along the water.

What is up with this heat? 90+ degrees in San Francisco! That is just sick. A week ago it was cold enough to need the heater on along with an umbrella and a jacket.

I don't know what I hate more: heat or freezing cold. If I had to choose, I'd choose cold rather reluctantly. With the cold, I can layer clothes to my heart's content. With heat, there is only so much clothes you take off and still look presentable in corporate America.

Overall, I shouldn't complain. California has great weather than the rest of the country. Extreme weather days are limited...thank goodness.

Uma and Denzel

My perfect job would be to watch movies. I don't know about reviewing them, but just pay me to watch them. hahahha

Kill Vill Vol. 2
Uma Thurman reprised her role of a strong woman. Loved the sequel. Sequels always seem to lose a little something. This one may have lost the violence of the Volume 1, but not the captivating story. It all comes together now, and you could call it a love story in a strange way. There is one scene that was pretty disgusting...the eyeball scene. Yuk!

Quentin Tarantino did a great job. Time to watch 'Pulp Fiction' again.

Man on Fire
Dakota Fanning...cutie! This little girl has the acting chops. I like Denzel Washington, but I like him more playing uplifting characters. These darker portrayals take some getting used to, even if one of them did win him an Oscar.

This movie deals with kidnappings in Mexico. It's rare that I watch Spanish news, but I did find out about Vicente Fernandez's son being kidnapped and losing a finger for proof of life. I also got info on Thalia's sister's kidnapping. (The latter made it into the Yahoo news shorts.) I know there is corruption in Mexico up the wazoo, but to see it
acted out on the big screen is pretty damn sad and upsetting. Not because "now people will know", rather "why isn't something being done about it and pronto."

Imagine being kidnapped and then having the kidnappers ask for a $10,000,000 ransom! That is just ridiculous, they might as well kill me then and there minus the torture, please.

She left

My mother's visit ended today. It was very nice to have her visit. I'm not sure who is next, but I think it happens in May.

I hate goodbyes that will be followed by long absences. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I never really know if I will see the person again. Not a morbid thought, I swear! But things happen.

It really sucks that we can't hang out with people in the waiting area anymore. Say goodbye at the security checkpoint...it's all so rushed. At least there was a reason to say "love you, goodbye and come back soon."

Reno, NV

The drive to Reno was not as bad as I thought it would be. I did not take the South Lake Tahoe route, which is more scenic. It was a straight shot on interstate 80. We went there without hotel reservations, because there would be a room available somewhere. Wrong! Everything was booked. There was a suite available for $1200/night. What the hell?!?! That was just obscene and out of the question.

We traveled to the next town, Carson City the state capitol of Nevada. Everything was booked! One o'clock in the morning and no place to sleep. Worst case scenario: we'd sleep in the car after parking in front of the police station. (Always have a plan Z.) All of a sudden there are bright lights flashing. Someone had gotten pulled over by the police. To my surprise...it was me.

Police: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Nope.
Police: Driver's license please.
Police: It's one o'clock in the morning on a Saturday night and you are driving around without your headlights on.
Me: Ohh.

I did not get a ticket. He was pretty nice. Our luck turned. The last hotel had one room available. The clerk said, "Last room and it's a smoking room. I don't have non-smoking rooms." I don't care, just get me a bed. I need to stay out of Carson City, both times I have been pulled over by the police. The first time was for speeding.

In Reno, we caught a musical review show called Broadway. They performed sequences from Chicago, Cabaret, 42nd Street, Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserables. It was great. My respect was renewed for people in the entertainment business. Singing, dancing, acting. Those people worked the stage and it did not look easy.

30

The jokes started early in the year. No problem. The questioning started this past week. Biased questions too. Men don't get this kind of crap.
-Don't you want to have children? As of now, no.
-Don't you want to get married? I'm not sure.
-Have you thought about settling down? It's not like I'm running around doing nothing.

I don't feel 30. I don't know what 30 is suppose to feel like. This age was the review date for goals I set more than a decade ago (accompanied by the real picture).
1) Ph.D. -Don't know what I want to study, but it's not Computer Science.
2) Career with one of the Big 5 Accounting firms -I'm in tech.
3) Married -Don't know if I want to be.
4) Twins -N/A
5) Pale yellow home with the white picket fence -Looking at overpriced properties.
6) A dog -It's inhumane to have a pet that will be alone more than 12 hours a day.

I was suppose to be hiking part of the Grand Canyon today to greet the new phase with a physical accomplishment. I did not train for it. Instead I have a sh*tload of laundry and then we are off to Reno, Nevada.

I'm happy. ;)

Tax Day

Today is the deadline for filing taxes. And like millions of procrastinators I practically waited until the last minute. I mailed them out today.

Took the day off work to hang out with my mom. We went to Artopia, ceramic painting place. I enjoy it, but not more than she does. We usually spend a couple of hours trying to come up with our individual designs and proceeding to paint them. Focusing on our respective masterpieces puts us in somewhat of a zone. The only sounds that filter through are the background music and my mother's voice.

Good Friday

My mother arrived today. She is visiting for two weeks. That means delicious home-cooked meals! But more importantly, the type of conversations you can only have with your mother.

Confession

Confession has never been something I look forward to. Even thought the number of times I have confessed can be counted on one hand. Hmmm. Well, definitely not more than six times, that's for sure.

The times I have gone I have felt a tremendous weight lifted off me. I feel internal calm and free. Free of my own personal judgement. No, I am not a bible-thumping Catholic. That is not my thing.

All I know is that the alternate methods I have attempted to use to find peace have not worked. Catholicism works for me. Often times I am plagued by doubt and questions, but faith is not an easy thing to come by. Buddhism also speaks to me in a way. I'm searching.

This is the last week of Lent. Confession was today. I paced outside the church. Asking myself if I really wanted to confess. I felt sick. Hands shaking. (You'd think I had killed someone. FYI: I haven't.) It needed to be an honest act, not a forced one. It's humbling. And yes, I did participate in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

Forgiveness was one of my reflection items for this Lenten season. I've made some headway. Tonight I sent out two emails offering apologies. Those apologies would not have been sent out if I had not forgiven myself and those who trespassed against me. I'm not done yet, but it's my start.

Peace. It's a wonderful feeling.

Guitar Lesson

I had my first official guitar lesson today. It went well. I learned how to tune the darn thing and four chords. Practice, practice, practice is going to be the order of the coming weeks. Why I thought it was going to be a breeze is beyond me at the moment. My fingers stumble along at their own pace. I'm going to need patience.

Afterwards I went to a co-worker's birthday get-together. I don't look forward to going to work-related things many times I just don't go. I believe in a separation between my professional life and my personal life. That line has been blurred, but not much. It was fun and interesting to see people that I see daily in a different context. I was definitely in the minority since I am not gay, over thirty or white.

Two things dawned on me 1) my friends are older which means I am "older" and 2) I need hispanic friends.

Office Politics

Once again I realized why I may not have a long and prosperous career. I don't like office politics. Don't know how to play the game and have no interest in learning how. I speak my mind and that is not always a good thing.

I'm on a project right now that is really testing my patience and sometimes my sanity. My manager asked me what I thought the problem was. I told her management was the problem. She seemed surprised and quickly said management was not the problem. People don't choose to be overworked, managers do that with unrealistic expectations and lack of planning.

For a split second, I wondered whether to keep expressing my opinions, afterall she asked me. I didn't. Instead I asked her what she was going to do, as our manager, to make the team's situation better. In my mind, I told myself "if you don't make our crazy schedules sane again you are part of the problem and you're part of management."

Bad News

Bennifer. I really thought they were going to make it. Goes to show you what I know.

Jersey Girl
This was the cutest film this year. Predictable, but cute. The little girl, Raquel Castro, is adorable! I wanted to have a little daughter after watching this film. (And I've yet to have maternal instincts.)

There is a scene in this film where they deliver the bad news to Ben Affleck's character that his wife has died in childbirth. It was very moving. I've never been in a situation where I get bad news at a hospital or witnessed someone getting bad news. Thank goodness.

What is the best way to deliver bad news? I think sometimes there is no good way to deliver bad news. The worst way happen to my own mother. She got a call at work from one of her siblings telling her, "Mom died." Just like that. Talk about lacking an ounce of tact.

Last year I got an email at work. I was expecting a joke. I was in the middle of a project deadline and needed a quick break. I check my email and it said one of friends had passed away after a long health battle. Screw the project deadline, my day was done.

About a week ago I called the place where I volunteer to set up my schedule for the week. I was told that the coordinator, a very sweet person, had 24 hours to live. I had spoken to her about a week and a half ago. She was her cheery, happy self. A day later there was a message on my answering machine, she passed away about 3pm, almost 24 hours to the minute.

What have I learned? That I don't want to get bad news at work. Too bad it is not up to me to decide when.

Blue

I love the color blue, hence the name of my blog. Some people are attracted by bright, shiny objects. My attention is caught by the color blue. If I could, I would paint my apartment blue.

Trivia about the color blue:
"Blue represents peace, tranquility, calm, stability, harmony, unity, trust, truth, confidence, conservatism, security, cleanliness, order, loyalty, sky, water, cold, technology, and depression.
In China, blue is associated with immortality.
In Colombia, blue is associated with soap.
For Hindus blue is the color of Krishna.
For the Jews, blue symbolizes holiness.
In the Middle East blue is a protective color."

All this brings me to why I was tempted to see the next film. In the trailers for the film, Kate Winslet's hair was blue. No it was not because it was a Kauffman film. It was the blue hair.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
The premise of this movie is about selectively erasing memory associated with an event or person. I enjoyed it tremendously. Jim Carrey (Joel) did not get on my nerves for one second.

The film is not chronoligical, which usually I don't like, but it worked this time. In an interview with Charlie Rose, Charlie Kaufman said, "The audience only knows what Joel knows."

We walked out contemplating if we would or would not choose to erase certain memories. I would, no doubt about it. My friend said she would not because lessons are learned from every experience. My other friend did not know if he would or would not.

Yes, I agree lessons can be learned from experiences. But, there are some experiences that really teach no lessons whatsoever and only wreak havoc, if not worse.

Montreal

All images I have seen of Montreal have been beautiful. It appears to be even more beautiful than Vancouver. And that is saying a lot, I loved Vancouver. It draws comparisons to the 'feel of' Europe. Until I make it to my all-time dream destination of Italy, Montreal will have to do...hopefully, sooner than later. (Unfortunately, 5 hours seems to be my airborne limit. *sigh*)

Taking Lives
This film takes place in Montreal. Dreary weather, cobblestone streets. (This is one of the reasons I like foreign films, I can see the places and pick up little things about the culture. The little that make the cut.)

My brother highly recommended I see this film. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that Angeline Jolie was the female lead. Yeah, right. He compared it to Silence of the Lambs. Reason enough for me.

It was somewhat predictable, but I still jumped a few times.

Chic Lit

Chick Lit is a new genre focusing on 20-something and 30-something single women. Think Ally McBeal, Bridget Jone's Diary and most recently Sex in the City.

I really enjoy Chick Lit books. They are fun to read and reveal stuff that really does happen in a woman's life. There are so many books in this area, that I've not had a chance to read. A large number of them come from England, go figure.

Jennifer Weiner has two books, which I enjoyed terribly. Good in Bed and In Her Shoes. I have to admit I bought Good in Bed because I expected to read the kind of stuff that makes a person blush. That did not happen. It was a genuinely sweet story.

These books did not activate my philosophical brain cells; instead, they made me laugh and sigh.

Envy and Jealousy

This past weekend I experienced a negative feeling towards someone I know. It's such an uncomfortable feeling. I have been trying to figure out which of the two feelings it is: envy or jealousy.

I know what jealousy feels like in the context of romantic relationships. Often times it was rooted in my own insecurity, other times I now think I felt it for a reason...as an indicator of sorts, as a wake-up call that something was not right in the relationship.
This past weekend the feeling was not rooted in insecurity. It was not jealousy.

I'm conflicted because consciously I want to feel genuine happiness for this person. I've been reflecting and the envious feeling is subsiding.

I'm glad to disclose that negative feelings are not a common occurrence for me. That is why when I do feel them, they are very pronounced and I get stuck in this questioning mode: Why?

I firmly believe that we have a choice in most things. I've made it a point to choose not to be envious and it is working.

The last time I felt 'potential' envy was some years ago. I say potential, because it was nipped in the bud before it bloomed. Thank goodness. I have had a simple life. I consider myself a simple person. Material things were of little importance until I moved here. While I do think that money makes things easier, I know it does not buy happiness. If happiness can be bought, the feeling is only temporary at best. I'm surrounded by a lot of people that are driven by money. I started to notice that this was having an effect on me when I started to want just for the sake of wanting, I could provide no reason for needing X or Y. I have not changed friends. Their priorities are still the same, but I've learned to respect those priorities as opposed to making them my own.

Old People and Heaven

I first read Tuesdays with Morrie a couple of years ago. I love this book. It's extremely touching. It's a quick read. It reminds us of the 'important' stuff, the common-sense stuff we forget about. I gave this book as a gift to a couple of people and they loved it too. Man or woman, the receiver was touched and admitted to being close to tears. Maybe I just hang out with sensitive people.

Tuesdays reminds us that old people are living treasures and that we should appreciate it them all the way to the end. All the people that stick their parents in a nursing home should read this. I know, I know sometimes people can't take care of their aging parents. I guess the point is not to forget about them. I've volunteered at a nursing home. Sad. Very sad.

Since I thoroughly enjoyed Tuesdays with Morrie I knew I was going to read Mitch Albom's next work: The Five People You Meet in Heaven. The premise of this book is heaven and how it receives you. Each of the five people is there for a lesson or an insight.

It made me think about the people I interact with in my everyday life. The people I am nice to or rude to. It emphasizes how we are all interconnected. How the one thing you think is mundane, could have a huge effect on someone else...domino effect. A simpler version of the 'butterfly effect' which "is the essence of chaos."

I liked the story, but not more than Tuesdays with Morrie.

Author and Extreme Sports

Secret Window
Johnny Depp. This man could not look bad even if he tried. This was a quirky suspense film. I enjoyed it. I didn't get it as fast as one of my companions did.

What was the deal with the 'secret window?' It had to be the secret window into the mind.


Touching the Void
I love watching extreme sports. The IronMan Triathlon in Kona, Hawaii. Mark Burnett's Eco-Challenge. Anything where people push themselves to their limit and sometimes beyond that limit. I sit there and root for everyone. Become emotional over people who have overcome obstacles to be there, e.g., cancer or blindness.

When I found out about this docu-drama it was a simple matter of deciding what day I'd see it. Mountain climbers battling the elements and having almost tragic consequences. Yes, they lived to tell about it and that is what makes this so chilling.

When they were describing the cold, I'd get cold. When they got teary-eyed, so did I. They were tested and yet they went back. I use the word 'fools' with the utmost respect.

Grief

Grief goes hand in hand with helplessness.
Anger. Questioning. Doubting. Healing. Action.

From my crisis training, I know the worst thing you can tell someone who
is grieving is "I know how you feel" or "I understand."

Everyday I make sure to look at the Yahoo headlines just to get a glimpse
at what is going on. Today what caught my attention was a bombing in Spain.
To the best of my knowledge things like this don't happen in Spain just like
I used to think they didn't happen here. These are not guerilla torn countries.
These are not places where every other week there is a bus bombing.

One of my friends is Spanish and I needed to check that her parents were
okay and not traveling near Madrid. They weren't. They were safe in the Canary
Islands. She's not sure about friends and acquaintances.
I always think 'no news is good news.' Bad news travels fast.

I've also been reading a few Spanish blogs, one in particular.
I checked in hoping the author didn't have bad news. He doesn't seem to.

Other than that there is nothing to do. Helplessness. Prayer.
Prayer for those affected to find peace in their hearts and minds.

I know how I felt three days after my birthday in 1995, which was also Easter Sunday.
Easter -> Celebration -> Renewal.
My best friends were visiting because I had moved away. I had my family, my friends.
We were celebrating. We were happy.

April 19, 1995 - The Oklahoma City Bombing
My mother and I were out shopping that morning. We thought we felt an earthquake.
But this was Oklahoma, not known for earthquakes. Someone said a gas main had
exploded. We went about our business. When we got home, we walked in to a ringing
phone. There were so many calls from family and friends wanting to know we were okay.
It was not registering. We turned on the TV. We saw. We were speechless. We cried.
My Spanish friend had been in that same area the day before. What if she had been
there that day...
In those days, I worked at a convenience store. After the bombing I did not see some
of the regular faces I would see every day. I didn't know them, but I knew their faces
and they were gone.
To this day, I am not able to visit the memorial that they built for the victims.

September 11, 2001 - World Trade Center/Pentagon
My morning alarm is the radio. In those days, I used to listen to this particular radio
station that pushed the envelope with their jokes. They said something about a plane
hitting a building. In my semi-sleep, I thought that joke was sick. Then they said
something about a second plane. I remember calling them a**holes and telling myself
I was not going to listen to them and their stupid jokes from that day forward.
Just as I was going to shut off the radio, they said it again. That is when I knew it was
not a joke. I turned on the TV. I saw. I was speechless. I cried. I wanted to be with
my family. It was my turn to call my friends and find out if they were okay. They were.
Two calls are still very vivid, the one to my father and the one to D.

These two events changed me. As cliche as it may sound, they took some of my
innocence. Introduced fear. Reminded me that I am not immortal. Reminded me that
nothing is guaranteed. Made me want to tell people I love that I love them.

"Life goes on." "Tiempo al tiempo." I get caught up with my goals, my life.

And then I get a reminder, like Madrid.

Gratitude

One of my coworkers expressed her gratitude for having
helped her out with her workload. She was grateful for
being able "to leave work at a reasonable hour like normal
people." She made me uncomfortable. I didn't volunteer
so she could thank me, I did it because I like her.

On the other hand, I always make it a point to thank
people when they help me out. It's only natural. It feels
good to be appreciated and not feel taken advantage of or
taken for granted.

I need to work on accepting a thank you, a compliment, or
just a nice comment out of the blue. Hell, I'm always on the
giving end, might as well enjoy being on the receiving end too.