Crummy

I'm feeling ill at the moment. I hope it is only something I ate and not the flu. I have to be on a plane on Sunday which has a layover in Denver. The same Denver that experienced a "powerful blizzard" today. The same Denver I was stuck in a few years ago due to bad weather.

A friend and I had a long conversation about nothing. We were trying to figure out what to give each other for x-mas.

m: "What do you want?"
a: "I don't know, nothing really."
m: "Yeah, me either. Maybe a CD by Patrizio Buone."
a: "Who?"
m: "An Italian I saw on public television."
a: "I like Michael Buble."
m: "When did you start listening to Michael Buble?"
a: "It's been a while."
m: "We're getting old."
a: "Yeah."

Gift giving has lost its fun. I used to enjoy shopping for people, now it's a duty. Another task to cross off my list. Maybe next year we'll scratch gifts altogether. All gifts are going to be late this year.

m: "By the way, your gift is going to be late. Let's celebrate El Dia de Reyes."
a: "Yeah, let's exercise our Mexican traditions."
m: "Sounds good."
a: "I participated in a Posada."
m: "What's that?"
a: "Mexican tradition."
m: "Really?"

Which picture to use?

I added my profile to a dating site. I'm ready for another relationship. It has taken me a very long time to reach this decision. For me it had to be a decision, it couldn't just happen again. I had to dig deep and figure out my issues. Let me tell you that was fun. jjejejej

Finding the picture to post with my profile took some time. I wanted a recent picture that was decent. Well, let me rephrase that, one that looked good not just decent. This was followed by cropping and reviewing. Wanting to put the best face forward to strangers, this PR agent needs some practice. I want an engaging profile that will peak curiosities, but I don't want to cross the line into blurring the truth.

Another chance

When is it okay to stop giving people another chance? I wonder if I am being too hard on her. If history is proof of things to come, she doesn't deserve another chance. She has shown me her refusal to change which is not good, but her refusal to even acknowledge her part in the turmoil, no can do...that cannot be ignored.

My questioning comes from the fact that I would want another chance if I was in her shoes. "Treat others like you would like to be treated" runs through my head. I have made a decision though. That decision is we are each accountable for our own actions and she must be accountable for hers.

Procrastination

If I search back to one of my previous postings I will probably find a new year's resolution about putting a stop to procrastination. Here I am in the wee hours of the morning posting after a long absence instead of doing what I should be doing which is writing up some documents for a meeting tomorrow. I'm under the impression that I do my best work under pressure. Right now, sleep is the only thing I want, but I cannot show up tomorrow without the documents. I don't know what my damn problem is. I will find anything and everything to do rather than what I should be doing. This is a personal trait that really pisses me off.

I wonder if I should even say that in 2007 I will change my procrastinating ways. I've done it so many times before to no success. I have hope though, that one miraculous day this trait will be gone never to be seen again. I like my optimism. Or is it just plain denial, daydreaming, a joke.

Two months ago today

I was in Rome. I fell head over heels in love with the city. There is no better way to say it, to express it. I have been harboring dreams of living there. Daydreams, night dreams I am in Italy. All my readings since then have to do with Italy. Rome seduced me. The sing song of spoken Italian was music to my ears.

Italy worked it's magic on me. If someone asks me about my vacation, I'm told my face starts to glow and my smile never ceases. The craziest thing about my trip is that I came back with ideas of getting married in Italy. Me? The same person who doesn't believe marriage is necessary. My fantasy would be complete if I was marrying an Italian. But I recognize it for what it is a fantasy.

For what it's worth I am already planning a trip for 2007.

Movie Kick...Again

I'm back on my movie kick again. I'm relying more on DVDs than the movie theatre these days. My new way of procrastinating. When I don't want to do something, either because I feel it is too overwhelming or I just plain do not want to do it, I find something unproductive to do. What am I avoiding these days? Making reservations for my vacation. Buying my plane tickets. Finalizing my itinerary. I look forward to being off for six weeks, but then I get an overwhelming feeling and I don't look forward to it. The last time I had six weeks off was when I was under 17 years of age for goodness sake.

One lazy Saturday a few weeks ago I saw two movies that I just adored. I loved the movies so much I plan to own them. I once said I could not understand why people bought movies. I have joined those people, some movies you just want to own.

Must Love Dogs

The Upside of Anger

Romantic? Moi?

I read Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice a very long time ago. I don't remember it making a great impression on me, so it's on the list to reread. As far as the 2005 movie version? It made me sigh, it made me smile and it made me laugh. I loved it. It fed to that romantic side of me, which is usually hidden away. I identified with Elizabeth, but more with Mr. Darcy. Being misunderstood has been a little bit of a constant. Misunderstood because people come to their own conclusions on very little input from me. I am very selective with who gets to know the "real" me. And since the real me can be somewhat sarcastic, well, that usually does not leave the greatest of impressions. I also can be pretty quiet which can come off as being a bit of a snob. So you see, this is why I was in tune with Mr. Darcy.


I liked the girl power aspect of Blue Crush. To know that young girls can have sport movies directed at them is wonderful. Of course there need to be a lot more movies for girls. Plus this movie reminded me of our Maui trip in April. There was no way in hell we were going to take surfing lessons considering we don't even know how to swim.

Under the Tuscan Sun was on TV and I loved it a little more this time because of my pending trip to Italy. It has been my dream for many, many years to make it to Italy. I don't know what it is about that country that captured my attention, but it has never wavered. I've built it up so much in my head over the years that I run the risk of being disappointed, but I doubt that will be the case. The movie adds to the dream, to live in Italy, to fall in love in Italy...mostly the latter.

A Chorus Line

We went to see A Chorus Line. My first way off-Broadway show. It was a fun outing. I was sitting there enjoying the music and the dancing and wondered why I was not given the talent of the arts. It looks like fun, though I know there is a lot of 'blood, sweat and tears' in such a career choice. I'm the one who wants to run off and join the circus after any Cirque du Soleil .

Hiking Season

is here! I could have gone at any time, but the weather is just right for it. Get there early in the morning to be done by noon before the heat kicks in. It was hot yesterday, so hot that I finished my water before I was done with the trail.

Work has been taking up it's fair share of my life. Exercise classes the other part. Sleep the third part. Weekends are catch up time with all the errands. When I write it down like this, it sounds like I am wasting the "best years of my life." Part of me feels, that is actually a true statement. Work-Life balance sounds like a great thing but incorporating it is not so easy.

I'm counting down the weeks to September 15th. This is the day my sabbatical starts. I realized my procrastinating *ss waited too long to get my passport. It's on my agenda for this week. Have to go take some pictures.

I've dropped the ball communicating with some of my friends. I have two cards in my bag which were to be mailed in June. It's July now and it seems stupid to senf them because they are way overdue. Things change when you are not there to experience with them first hand.

Sad day

Yesterday my boss' boss scheduled a last minute meeting. Fifteen minutes. It's purpose was to let us know one of our coworkers was in the intensive care unit. When I arrived at work this morning there was an email saying he passed away last night. He had an accident that caused severe head injuries.

He was a nice guy, always smiled, smart and absent minded. (I don't mean this disrespectfully.) In meetings people had to pay attention because one minute he was talking about one thing and the next minute it was something else there was really no flow of thought, but we all knew that for a successful project all the tangents needed to be pieced together because all the information was there.

I see my coworkers more than my own family, which explains the shock I'm feeling. All the mortality questions that follow a death really f*ck with my head.

Expensive Europa

One of my friends announced she is going to Europe for 10 days in October. She says the cost is going to be about $3000. This number does not include shopping. Damn, I am out of the loop when it comes to overseas travel costs.

I need to buckle down about my own trip. First on the list will be my passport. (I'll need that for Mexico anyway starting next year.) I stopped by the bookstore yesterday to look at the travel books. I don't know where I want to go. I know it's Italy and Spain, two weeks maybe three. But what cities? Timeframe is October after a two week vacation in Mexico. As I am writing all of this, I dare say, I must think money grows on trees, specifically the tree out front.

People keep telling me to buy my tickets and make my reservations. I didn't see what the big deal was. October is still some time away. Not really. It's only four months away. Like I said, I need to buckle down and come up with a plan. I'd love to be one of those people that just goes and is open to whatever. But I don't know when I would ever go back so I need to see the cool stuff. Okay, I'm starting to feel stress. Isn't vacation suppose to be fun?

The World Cup is almost here. I'm also trying to figure out how I'm going to watch the games. Work gets in the way.

Back to the movies

Met a friend for lunch and a movie. We chose X-Men: The Last Stand . She was asleep for about half the movie. I liked it, but I think I am outgrowing action movies. I'm in a romantic comedy sort of mood these days.

Halle Berry looked great even with the white hair. Part of the movie took place in SF. I work in a beautiful city.

Dad left

His visit was a short one, only here for the weekend. Before he left he helped me finish putting up my curtains (I've been here since last August!). We moved some of my furniture around. He bought me my own drill because he said I needed one. I love my dad. He's a cool guy.

I cried. That goes without saying with my family and goodbyes.

715!

My dad and I were at the game where Barry Bonds hit 715. We saw sports history in the making. That was so cool! It was my dad's first SF Giants game. We got decent seats. We were one of the first 10,000 people so we each got a bobble head at the door.

My family has a baseball history, not in playing, but in attending games. Growing up, if it was baseball season, we were either at a Dodgers game or an Angels game. We'll we do have a history in playing pick up games. I remember my father once took some time off work to see me play in a game when I was about 9. I was so happy he was there. Besides remembering how happy I was with his presence, I remember making a mistake while I was covering first base. That was so depressing. jejjejej

After the games we started to head towards Fisherman's Wharf. On the way to the wharf there were a group of people dancing tango our by the square. We sat down to observe. The group followed up with salsa and another dance. They were just there playing Spanish music having fun and not caring who looked on or not. Made me want to learn how to dance.

The wharf, tourist trap galore, was so crowded. I lost count of how many times people bumped into me. I don't ever remember it being this crowded. My mom and dad like going there so we always do. It's a nice afternoon out when the weather behaves and it did.

Monterey - Carmel - Big Sur

My father and I hit the road this morning heading south because he had not been to Monterey yet. We were off to scratch that destination off the list.

Monterey was crowded. It is Memorial Day weekend and people were out. We walked down Cannery Row towards the Aquarium. Stepped into a lot of shops to look at the goods. My dad, the tourist, took a number of pictures.
My dad can't walk for lengthy periods of time, since he refuses to go to the doctor we don't know what the cause is. Bottom line is he walks a bit and rests a bit. That's why it was a leisurely stroll. Perfect weather.

None of this was planned, we were going to play it by ear. After Cannery Row we made the drive, the 17-mile drive. Gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful. This was a first for me too. You get a map and drive for 17 miles. There are markers where you pull over to look at specific sides. Did I already mention how beautiful it is? To see the Pacific Ocean in all its majesty right there was breathtaking. And it was windy and cold! A few times we had to get back in the car to get warm although the sun was shining brightly.
My side commentary here. I am very aware of the differences in earning power we all have. Driving the 17-mile drive though, really brought it home. The differences. We were in the playground of the rich. I don't envy people that have money. I kept thinking of the homeless people I was going to be passing on my way to work on Tuesday. The difference is too much.

We skipped out on the drive to go through Carmel. What a cute little town! It's so tiny parking is an issue which is why we did not stop here. We drove down the main street, making a mental note that I had to come back to browse.

We continued our drive to Big Sur. It was about 4 PM. We were tired, but worse yet, we were hungry. Views are breathtaking. But when we saw the sign that said next 60 miles drive with care, hilly and windy. Forget it. We turned the car around and decided to drive through Salinas. Definite agricultural center. We were driving through Salinas about 5:30PM and the place was dead. I could not live there. Even if I am a homebody most of the time, I like to know there is something going on should I decide to do something.

Since we were on the way back home, I had to make a stop in Gilroy for some shopping. My father, bless his heart, has so much patience with me. Like most men, the last thing he wants to do is go into store after store. But he did. And when I realized I was taking too long, I'd find him patiently sitting outside.

We were exhausted by the time we got home.

25

25 is a number I am loving today, because as of today I have lost 25 lbs. I've worked hard for it too (since Jan 15, 2006). I feel stronger, sleep like a baby and have more energy...go figure. Oh and the best part....shopping. I need to go shopping for clothes.

Yay...me! ;)

Goodbyes suck

Mom left today in the afternoon. We always tell each other we are not going to cry, but I always do. As soon as she got in the security check line I got a knot in my throat, this is when my ability to speak disappears. All I was able to do was hug her, I couldn't even say goodbye or call me or I love you.
I can never come straight home after an airport goodbye because loneliness is thick. I never feel lonely, but when my mom or dad leave I only feel loneliness. To escape the feeling I go to the movies or take myself shopping. Anything that keeps me away from my apartment. I have a new pair of shoes.

Before she left we made another movie run, 'The Da Vinci Code.' I have been waiting for this movie for such a long time. I spent a quarter of it yawning. I really thought this movie was boring. The book was great, a real page turner. The movie did not do it justice. The thing I really enjoyed was the locales. Until I get to go to France in person, I need to settle for the images I see in movies. I liked hearing the accents both English and French. I didn't hate the movie, but I didn't love it either. It ran a bit long. My mom thought it was interesting. Interesting is code for b-o-r-i-n-g. And I still think Vince Vaughn (yes, the guy from Wedding Crashers) should have played the lead, he could have pulled it off. All the other casting was good, specially Audrey Tautou...she's a cutie.

Girl time

Today was a vacation day for me. Spent time with mom again. We went for a nice long walk followed by breakfast and lots of conversation.

My mom is a movie buff just like me. Today's movie was 'Mission Impossible III.' I thought it was boring, mom thought it was good. I know it's a movie, I know it's a franchise but I wanted more high energy stuff. It was predictable.
It did bring back my yearning of wanting to be a secret agent, for the good guys...only if I didn't have to hurt people and people wouldn't hurt me. Talk about wanting your cake and eating it too.

Mother's Day

I got to spend mother's day with my mom! ;) We were both happy. We wound up going to a restaurant for a mother's day brunch, which was ridiculously overpriced by the way. They told us the wait would be around one to one and a half hours. All it took was 20 minutes which sat very well with these two hungry ladies. While we were sittig there the hostess kept checking of parties on the waitlist.

"Jones party of 8"
"Murcia party of 6"
"Harry party of 7"

We were two peope. Told my mom she should have had more kids. My family has always been a party of four. Seems small, but it's us.

We went shopping after our brunch. Then we went to the casino, because my mom loves going to the casino. It was her day afterall. I don't enjoy spending time in casinos. I don't like to lose money and I lose it fast. The place was packed with people playing hundreds and hundreds of dollars. I don't get it. I don't see the entertainment value. But as long as mom was happy, I was happy too.

First Communion

We woke up bright and early, well not to early, to get some exercise into our day. All we did was walk, but considering the weather was freakin' hot it felt like we overexerted ourselves. It was nice to be out there with my mom, conversing with her, catching up on the family gossip. Just being next to her.

The communion was okay. The kids did not rehearse very well, I could tell because they were having trouble getting back to their seats when it was time. The median age was about 12. There were some real tiny 12 year olds and some really tall ones. My cousin was one of the tallest girls.

We went to the family BBQ to celebrate. I'm not close to this section of my family. I'm not close to my mother's side of the family. I didn't grow up with them so it's hard to feel like I know these people. They are almost strangers. Well, they must have felt the same way because I didn't see anyone approaching us for conversation which sucked. I developed a headache soon after we arrived due to the heat and I was not in the greatest of moods because of it. Then we left.

We went to the movies after the BBQ because there would be air-conditioning! I opted for 'United 93.' The movie about the flight that was suppose to hit the white house on 9/11. Some of the hype behind this movie is that it has received the blessing of the families. I cried. The images of the airplanes hitting the World Trade Center are so ingrained in our psyche yet to see them again on the big screen it brings it all back. Sitting there watching, and we know what's going to happen next. Felt extreme frustration at the lack of knowledge and communication seen in the control rooms.
The people on this flight fought back. I travel enough. Sometimes its hard for me to travel down the aisle with a backpack or a carry on. There isn't enough space. To see the images of people running down the aisle towards the pilot's quarters seems unrealistic, but adrenaline must make everything possible.

Mom's in town

My mom arrived tonight for a quick one week visit. We had dinner at a local diner and started driving to Fresno shortly after. You see, the purpose of my mom's visit was to attend my cousin's first communion.

We arrived around midnight and we were exhausted. I knew I should have pulled over to the side of the road for some fresh air, but I didn't. I battled my sleepiness all the way to our hotel. Not the smartest thing to do considering most accidents are caused due to fatigue. We got there safely.

I don't like her

Or rather I don't like working with her! I have discovered my bad side. I've always known it was there, but I don't use it. The coworker that gets on my last freaking nerve has surpassed my last freaking nerve. It took me a while to be okay with the fact that we were not going to be friends, we were just going to be coworkers. I swear she doesn't think before she asks questions and when you give her an answer she will argue with you that that is not the right answer. Part of me is happy that other people have come to the same conclusion...we would rather not work with her. Yet, we don't have the power to do anything about it. Therefore, I will continue to b*tch as needed.

Today I had an amazing day in aerobics class, because I needed to kick out all the frustration from my interaction with her (read previous paragraph).

I received another email from a long lost friend. I have to check my horoscope to see what is going on with the stars and my past.

Sunday I went to a '5 de mayo' festival. All I wanted to do was eat the junk food and I did. There was lots of music and lots of people. On the way to the area where the festival was taking place, there were countless Hispanics...by the hundreds. A couple of young black guys made a comment that took me by surprise. They noted the low number of police officers in sight. They said if the crowds were black instead of Mexican there would be a huge police presence. And sadly, it's true! I've seen it in other gatherings. I am constantly amazed by my own naiveness.

No protest

I finally responded to the email E sent in March. I didn't think I was going to respond, but today felt right. I don't expect a restart of a friendship or a response. It was a courtesy she wanted to know if I was okay and I answered. I expressed my surprise over the baby and a congratulations. Short, sweet and to the point.

Management lied. But they not only lied, they lied to my face. I am naive! Different stories keep coming up about my friend who was let go. Management told me they tried to keep her, but that HR made a decision. Now I am told that management got approval to let her go. To my face. I might as well have the word gullible tattoed on my forehead.

Plans to go to LA in June to celebrate my friend's birthday. Not really the reason actually. I called her out of the blue and she tells me she is moving to Texas because she has a chance of owning a home there, not just a home but a big home (pool, spa) for a fraction of the cost of one in California. I have a feeling that will be me in a little while, because I am priced out of the SF market.

I went to work. I didn't attend the protests. People on the bus and at work kept looking at me with questioning eyes....shouldn't you be at the protest? Well, no not really. I debated it for a long time, but made the decision not to participate. My power lies in voting in all future elections for measures that are not anti-immigrants. There have been measures in the past and there will be in the future. It was beautiful to see the unity though, this looks like the start of something big. Only time will tell.

Cool and breezy

The weather was suppose to be warm and sunny. It's cloudy and breezy. I want the sun in my face already...to the point where I might have to turn a fan on and forget about socks. I'll have to remind myself of these words when it's hot and I want the cold back. It's been a long stretch this year with the rain.

I have a sh*tload of cleaning to do. My apartment is a mess. But I don't feel like it. I want to go shopping or to the movies, but I forced myself to come back home. I put some things away and then I decided to come here and blog this nonsense. I'm listening to music. Trying to call my friend and the call is not going through. Read a book in quick sessions. Survey the place. And start all over again. I brought work home with me but I just pushed it to a corner, don't feel like that either. Should go exercise, but I'm too lazy to change into the right clothes.

I need to hit Ikea for some cheap rugs to place under my latest purchase. My new beanbag. I envisioned myself on my midnight blue beanbag with my laptop and some music in the background. That darn thing has been in the box since April 13th. Sometimes I buy crap I don't need. I should have bought a new sofa instead. Oh well, I'm sure I'll love it once I use it.

Class system, really?

Oprah had an interesting show on social classes in America. It makes me uncomfortable to realize I make class distinctions. I didn't think I did, but apparently I do. The rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poorer and the middle class is shrinking...have been hearing this for some time now.

Why do I feel bad about my realizations? Because like the panel expert said, it's a taboo subject. We don't talk about this stuff openly. I remember having a conversation regarding dating and standards when I was in school. I expressed my opinion that you marry at your level, or above, but not below. I was called a materialistic snob. I want to believe love conquers all and that a couple can weather anything, but this is not realistic. The divorce rate is ridiculous, and often the tension revolves around money problems.

Class indicators used:
Weight - Used to mean you had money to feed yourself, today being overweight indicates you don't have money to take care of yourself.
Teeth - "If you have money you are going to fix your teeth."
Dialect - If you have one, you are perceived as not educated.

Elite class - Don't know anyone in this category. ;)
Upper class - I know very few in this class.
Middle class - I consider myself middle class...not upper middle class though. Should an event push me out of this class, I would more than likely wind up in the working class aka lower class.
Working class - Majority of my family falls into this category.

My Sleeping Position

Uhhh, I do own a pedometer!

Find your own pose!

Surfers close to Pai'a

Surfers close to Pai'ia, originally uploaded by existencia azul.

One of the Maui images taken on Monday, 4/17/06.

Surprises

It was my first day at work today after my Maui vacation. By the end of the day my friend had been fired. There was no explanation. I'm sad because she made the day fun and she had recently started to become a friend. I'm stressed because I know expectations about my ouput are going to increase A LOT and frankly I do not have all of her skills. I'm upset because I cannot work with the person that is left. We are at a point where we don't even talk to each other unless it is work related. I'm shocked still and have had a headache since I found out. There has been speculation as to the reason. Someone said that it was due to personal emails at work. If this is the case, then I am next. ..this caused me some stress. Imagine if I blogged from work! There would be no doubt about my future and it would not be pretty.

My friend will be okay once the shock wears off. Her skill set is going to get her a job pretty much anywhere she wants. But it still is sad, shocking, upsetting!



Maui was a blast. I took freakin' exercise clothes with me because I was going to exercise in the mornings when I got up. I did the first day (Saturday). That discipline disappeared by Sunday. Oh yeah, and Sunday I turned 32 years old. Freakin' 32 years old, I don't know what 32 is suppose to feel like but i doubt I feel that age. Went to mass on Sunday to give thanks for my life so far but mostly because it was Easter. It was a cool mass, different from what I am used to.

We found one Spanish AM radio station in the whole state of Hawaii while we were lost on some road. They are only on the air from 6 - 10 PM, Monday - Saturday. Spanish speaking population is tiny. Everyone thought we were Filipinas. I guess.

Saturday we went on a road trip to Lahaina. Cute little town. Lots of galleries to enjoy. Reminded me of Santa Monica but more quaint.

Sunday we got up and went to mass at 7:30 AM. Our day was spent floating in the ocean, floating in the pool, soaking in the hot tub, repeated the process. Worked on our tans. Went to a lua. It was very relaxing. As relaxing as it was we were exhausted by the end of the day. notice I used the word floating....that's because we don't know how to swim. Yes, very pathetic, but we still had fun.

Monday we took the road to Hana. There were a bunch of waterfalls along the way. Everything was a luscious green. Exotic plants. Bunch of tourists. It was pretty cool, but we were in the car most of the day. We got lost again trying to find a specific waterfall. We wound up on private property. We got a little scared once the sun started going down and we did not know whether to continue looking for the pool or going back to the condo. We followed our guts and went back to the condo.

Tuesday was another pool, ocean, hot tub day. Loved it. Too bad we did not take our books with us to really work on the tan. ;) Almost ran out of sunscreen by Tuesday. Let's just say we were protected. There was no way in hell we were going to get sunburned. Well, I tan. jejejje My friend burns.

Wednesday was proof that we don't know how to pack. We majorly overpacked and we had to buy another bag just to get our souveniers in place. We were considering shipping them from Maui but the shipping would have cost more than the souveniers. Next time I need to force myself to limit myself to one light carry on. Reality was a 28" pullman, a backpack and a purse! I was only gone for 5 days! Ridiculous. But have to have a choice in what shoes I can wear, as well as tops and shorts. I need choices, plain and simple.

Traveling time is here

I managed to break two computers which left me computer-less at home. That's a good excuse for not updating this thing. One of the machines I had just spent some money on, when I finally got around to hooking it up it fell to the floor and some major damage was caused. The other machine was just old and not worth the pain of doing anything with. So my nerd self is very happy to be finally writing this update from my new 17" screen laptop. I got it yesterday and I've been looking forward to coming home to mess with it.

Here's the downside..somewhat. I want to tinker with this machine, but I will be on a plane to Hawaii tomorrow; specifically, I will be in Maui! It was planned in the last week. I knew I was going to go somewhere and it looked like it was going to be between Puerto Rico or Montreal. My friend said we should take a quick trip to Barcelona, but yours truly does not have a passport...yet. My options were obviously limited.

I have my guidebook, my sandals, island clothing (if you can call it that) and I'm ready. Ill pack tomorrow like always doing things last minute. Wish I could limit myself to a single carry-on, but it's not going to happen. I'll be checking in my bag and it might be a big bag. I'll hate dragging it around, but I like having choices, specially in the shoe department.

I have a new manager at work. Yippeee! It was time because the other one had turned into an I can't stand him situation. My new boss seems really cool and I'm looking forward to working with her after I get back from vacation.

Other than that, things have been good. I'm very blessed and thankful for it. ;)

Email surprise

Today I turned on my computer because it had been over a week and I had not checked my personal email. Deleted a bunch of things (mostly forwards and jokes), but one of the items made my heart beat a little faster.

It was from E. I haven't heard from E in over three years. Our friendship ended for one reason or another. The funny thing is I finally unpacked Friday night. One of the boxes had picture frames and two of those were of E. I decided I needed to put the picture away and put some other picture in place. Then today I see the email. Short and to the point. She's been dreaming about me and wondering if I am okay. She's had dreams off and on since last summer. And one additional detail, she had a baby and has never been happier.

Emotions galore in the span of 10 minutes. Shock, happiness, anger, sadness and finally something I don't do normally. I started to cry and the crying was from hurt. I thought I was so over what happened and yet there I am crying like it just happened. Then that was all over and I was back to surprise again.

What a coincidence! I'm thinking of recycling pictures and then there is this email from the very person. What a fluke. Oh, but wait a minute, I don't believe in flukes or coincidences, it happened for a reason. Or then again I could be reading to much into it.

39 hours

The reason I finally unpacked is because I offered the boxes to a coworker. I knew this would put pressure on me to do what I should have done more than six months ago. She said she'd be by at 7AM. In order to meet this friendly deadline, I did not sleep a wink! In my 'younger' days this happened a lot, these days I can't handle it. My symptoms from no sleep: nausea and backache. It sucks to get old. jejej

Progess..

Tired today. I tried to do too much all at once, but I like it. That routine is mine next week. I think I got it down, now watch her change it around. Oh, and I can't do push-ups for crap. I can't wait for summer to get here for hiking season to really get its start. First thing on the list, go buy some new hiking shoes.

One kick at a time

The body is an amazing thing. My soreness is gone. Yay! I breezed through my classes. I was feeling it. ;)

Sore muscles

Getting out of bed this morning took me some time. No matter which way I moved I could not make any progress, because of the insane amount of soreness I felt.

Today's agenda: 30 minutes of thigh/glute work followed by an hour of aerobics. I was a klutz with the routine, I'll have it down by next week.

All or nothing

Today was the start of my new self-imposed schedule. I was at at my desk at 7:15 AM and I was cranky. Then apparently I was feeling rather fit, when in actuality I am on the unfit side these days. It was raining, so a couple of people and I decided to walk up and down 18 floors of stairs. Then I ended my day with a 30 minute ab class followed by an hour of aerobics. Everything hurts except for my ears. 'Everything in moderation.' I firmly believe this applies to exercise.

No more rain, please

I'm craving warmth and sunshine. Now. Every night I come home and turn on my heater. I place that sucker at a toasty 87 degrees. Let it run for roughly four hours, until it's almost at the point where the heat is about to turn uncomfortable. The heating bill isn't pretty because this place is drafty.

I didn't think I'd say this, but I wouldn't mind a 95 degree day right about now. A day where no jacket is required and sandals are needed.

Just wait. When I get that, I'll be wanting a nice, cold and breezy day. But no rain. I'm only a fan of rain when my kitchen is fully stocked and a couple of great movies or books are waiting for me.

I'm thinking about changing my work schedule. I want to discipline myself for summer. What does this all mean? Instead of carrying on with my lax schedule (roughly 10 AM until I feel I've had enough, on bad day that could be 10 AM to midnight which always sucks), I want to get to work at 7 AM and be out by 4 PM. I tried doing that today. I managed to get there at 9:05 AM. I'm not a morning person, but I used to be able to get up in the wee hours without a problem. I'm not talkative that early in the morning, but I used to be able to function. I can't really say that anymore. I need to succeed next week because I enrolled myself in some exercise classes and I don't want to throw that money away by being late or not making it at all.

Went to a seminar tonight. A seminar about buying your first home. And I paraphrase: the average price of a home in the Bay area is 600K. Those words are cause for depression if you ask me. I got a free book out of the seminar...that was cool.

I'm up way past my bedtime at the moment. The last few weeks I have just felt exhausted. Can't stay up and catch up on the late night talk shows anymore. Tomorrow morning is going to be fun trying to get myself into the meeting on time. They know they can start without me, I hope they remember that. I have a feeling I am going to be late. (sigh)

Where's the sleep?

I'm slowlty but surely going back to my old ways. There is no reason for me to be up at this time, I have work tomorrow and I am tired. Yet, here I am still awake trying to convince myself to go to bed. I'll be paying for it tomorrow in the 2 PM meeting. That's about the time I crash if I don't get some decent sleep.

I am eagerly counting down to the weekend. This is how 2006 has been for me. I don't want to be in the office. I only look forward to the weekends. Even if there are no plans, I want the weekend to be here and last longer than two lousy days.

Life without TV

I don't think I can live without a TV in my home. I like to watch shows. Right now I'm watching 'America's Next Top Model.' Am I learning anything from this show? Hell no. But I enjoy it. I like to see beautiful people. I like to see how people turn on each other. I'm a sucker for reality TV. What's wrong with that?

I'd rather give away my computer than give up my TV.

I was discussing how disconnected our society has become. It was a simple comment. The lady told me to consider getting rid of my TV. That people think they have relationships with the characters on TV. What?! It's a freakin' show. A minor waste of time, not friends or substitutes for family. That was way out there. But I respect that she has lived without a TV for the last 5+ years. More power to her.

Me? I'm going to watch 'Project Runway' next.

Long lost friends

Today I caught myself reminiscing about old friends. Or friendships that have ended for one reason or another. Thinking back these friendships, I'm only concerned with one though, it could have been saved. If it wasn't for the pride, the 'I don't care' attitude, the lack of understanding, the not wanting to 'fight' for someone that was worth it.

What got me on this? An article about long lost friends who reconnected years later. I was on the bus wondering if maybe in the future E and I could possibly reconnect. Would we be able to pick where we left off although now we would be full-fledged adults. Or would there still be hurt?

She always wanted to have many children. I wonder if she is a mother.

I have to remind myself not to live on memories because I only seem to remember the great stuff that appear even sweeter today than back in the day.

Spiritual Renewal...again

Lent began last Wednesday. I'm pretty excited this year about my spiritual journey. I bought a bilingual Bible for the occasion. I try to focus on the Spanish and if I'm not quite getting it I look at the opposite page to read the English text.

And time for hobby renewal as well. I bought some yarn and a new pair of needles to get back into the knitting thing. It's the closest thing I have ever done that works as meditation for me. Hours pass and I don't realize it. One of the most relaxing things I've ever done.

I'm debating whether to go to a Michael Buble concert in a few weeks. Tonight it seems like a yes, tomorrow I'll be deciding no. It will be a last minute decision or until the tickets are sold out.

I rediscovered the joys of the library. They have a pretty decent DVD collection. Borrowed some cookbooks as opposed to buying them and letting them collect dust on the shelves. I've identified what I want to try my hand at except for the cleaning the mess afterwards that is my least favorite thing.

The Oscars were this weekend. Talk about anticlimactic! Maybe the fact that my movie watching has dramatically dropped since I moved to this city which has no theaters has something to do with it. I keep adding items to my Netflix queue, but then those movies sit on top of my TV for...the record has been...two months!

Human Body

I've watched more of the Torino games this weekend than any day last week. The conclusion: a fit body is sexy. No discrimination: men, women I find them both sexy. The 'sexy' comes from admiration of the training, the discipline, the grit, the mental and physical strength, the grace, the attitude. Yep, it's respect.

My commentary is not about tht slim aspect either, because I've seen overweight bodies that are sexy also. (Yes, it's possible.) It has to do a lot with how a person carries themselves. But these Olympic bodies are about strength. More power to them.

Ice dancing has been big tonight. Talk about beauty in that event. Why don't I ever remember seeing ice dancing televised before? Maybe because the U.S. never had any contenders before... That's ridiculous! It should be a love of sport, not a love of the sports Americans are competing in. I won't lie, I always root for the Americans...can't help it.

I tell you makes me want to go out there and start training for something. jejejej

Coined a new phrase

I am a "foreigner snob." Does that make sense? I'm watching the Olympics and if Italians are being interviewed I stop what I am doing to focus. Since high school, I've had a thing for Italians and these Torino games have proven to me that this feeling is alive and well.

I've entertained the thought, only the thought, of allowing myself a one night stand when I travel to Italy. Me?! One of the most conservative and old fashioned people I know. Is there such a thing as an Italian fetish? If there is , sign me up for the 12 step recovery program.

Went to a baptism this afternoon. The family is from the Philippines. When I hear the word godparents to me it means a set of people, preferably married, who promise to guide and if necessary take care of the child. When they asked parents and godparents to step up to the altar, I expected to see 4 adults and the baby. What I saw was 12 adults and the baby. Somehow all these people are godparents of that one child. I've never seen this before, it has to be a cultural thing. I'll ask on Tuesday.

Everyone at the baptism was Filipino except for the priest, the person helping the priest and me. Apparently this was not clear to the people there, because people kept coming up to me and speaking to me in Tagalog. (smile) Sorry, I don't understand. This only made them think I was the Americanized Filipina. Sure, whatever.

I went to see The New World. I liked this movie. The love story, the hearbreak, the scenery, 'Rebecca' making the right decision in the end, the understanding of her husband. Colin Farrell. Colin Farrell with long hair. Well, quite a few people walked out because they found it boring. Per my own humble opinion, this movie was not boring. It was very interesting. So much so, that I had added to my list of to-dos: read about John Smith/Pocahontas.

Will be heard

That was my plan when I stepped into my boss' office this afternoon. There were three things to discuss: my yearly review, my raise and my discontent.

The review was fine, nothing to get upset about. It wasn't great, but could have been worse. I call it a dime a dozen. This was where I finally understood this man knows nothing about me and really doesn't care. Having previously worked with managers who care, not pretend to care, but actually care...this was completely disheartening.

The raise was normal, nothing to write home about.

My discontent. I realize now I was playing with fire. I started by expressing my disatisfaction, which did not get a second thought. In one ear and out the other. I wasn't willing to let this slide. I told him I was looking for another job and had been asked how quickly I could transfer. His reaction could have been one of "go ahead" or " don't." It was neither. This was the magic bullet. This is where I had his attention. His concern readable on his face. He was shocked. "What can I do to change your mind?" Nothing, this is something I am thinking about. "Is this your offical notice that you are looking for another position?" No, not official, but I just want you to know how unhappy I am. "Is there anything I can do to change your mind?" No, I just want you to know where I stand as of now. Thank you for your time. I'll keep you posted.

I'm thinking about it. That's all I can say. I've mentally gone through the pros and cons, but it needs more time.

Happy V-day

Why not? I always want to applaud love, even if it's not part of my life now. Who would have pegged me! for a romantic. ehheehhe

My mother had out-patient surgery today. It could not be avoided, she's been getting infections on the tubing in her chest. I pray I can help her with the transplant this year. She's well. Pain medication, but it's better for her long term...fewer infections.

Overslept

I really tired myself out yesterday. I did not wake up in time for my 8:30 meeting this morning. I opened my eyes at 9:12 AM. Not the way I wanted to start Sunday.

Maybe I'll watch some olympics or something. I need to clean the apartment. But I can already tell I will find every excuse in the book to delay that as long as possible.

Talked to M today. We're getting into this routine where all we do is complain. It's tiring to complain. I told her next time it needs to be all positive, because we can't continue this way. Who'd want to anyway.

Ouch

It took some will power on my part to make it to the park for a bit of hiking. I usually like to be there at 8AM to get it over with and avoid the sun. I made it out at 12PM. I asked a couple of people if they wanted to join me but they already had plans, so I went alone...not the smartest thing. For the first stretch I saw no one and I started to get a little freaked out by some noises. Sounds like someone stepping on branches or random noises. There was this one sound that really got under my skin. It took me about an hour to figure out it was coming from the water bottle in my jacket pocket.

I have not been hiking in a long time and I can tell. I was struggling with ascending and struggling with descending. Ascending is a problem because it takes a lot out of me, signs of my age and further proof of being out of shape. Descending is a problem because I don't trust my footing. I was right about not trusting my footing. I took a fall when I thought I was stepping on a root and it turned out to be a twig that gave way. I was not hurt only got a little dirty.

So there I am descending and my phone rings...there was a message. I called my friend back and we started to chat. I told her it was ridicuous to be communing with nature and have a cell phone attached to my ear. Since we had not spoken in a while, we decided to talk until I lost reception. I finally saw some people on the trail...and what do they see. A hiker with a cell phone. It's not as bad as a hiker with a cigarrette hanging of his lip, is it?

It was great to be out there although I am now exhausted. It's a different kind of tired. I think I might go out again next weekend as long as the rain stays away.

5.68 miles. Let that be my minimum distance for this year.

No time wasted

I avoided a phone call today. The phone call where I would have to decide if I really wanted to move to another group. I'll take this weekend to think about whether I want to risk burning some bridges.

We've been having beautiful weather. It's a minor break from the rain. I plan to take advantage of it by going hiking....if I wake up early enough.

I'm watching the Turin opening ceremony. All the athletes appeared cool, calm and collected albeit excited...until the Americans came out. Jumping in front of the cameras. Not all of them, of course, but enough. I was surprised to see this behaviour surpassed by the Italians. For once it's okay to come in second. ;)

I need/want to make it to Italy this year. The plan was to be there in April but that is not going to happen until later this year. This is why I sometimes don't like to make plans, to plan and not have it work out is disappointing. Maybe I should 'plan' for a spontaneous trip.

Empty Threat

I don't make threats. Today while expressing my discontent with a situation at work my words were perceived as a threat...that I was ready to leave the group. I have been very unhappy this week due to the amount of work that has been assigned to me. And unrealistic amount, if you ask me. They didn't ask me, but I experienced no qualms letting the powers that be know.

The reaction: 'If you feel this is not where you belong then you should start networking.'

This took me by surprise. I emailed a few people to see what else is going on in other groups. Change is good. But if there is going to be a change it needs to be at the company level not at the group level.

This is my drama which was soon put into perspective when I spoke to my mother. She told me my cousin's husband died. Their home burned down. My cousin and the children are okay, he didn't make it. To be widowed at 29 is big. Like I said, it put things in perspective.

Moods

We all get bad moods. I occasionally wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I try not to subject people to my bad mood by staying at my desk and not socializing. Today I ran into one of the co-workers and I could tell immediately she was in a mood. I did not want to ask "What's wrong?" because today I didn't feel like listening. She was not pleased with me.

What's worse though: me pretending to want to listen to something I don't want to listen to or not putting myself in the situation where it would be obvious as hell I don't want to hear it?

On a sad note, the mother of one of my c-workers died on Saturday. She was 91 years old. A cold turned into pneumonia and she died peacefully. Immediately thoughts about my loved ones.

Petite

My friend came to the conclusion that I am attracted to "petite" men. I started laughing because I thought she was crazy, but she may be on to something. Petite could mean a lot of things. She meant lean, normal height and she is absolutely right. When I used to (back in the day) go to the gym every single day I'd get to see the body builders and they did nothing fo me visually. All I saw were thick, sweaty guys.

During our conversation today, she told me she saw "my man" on tv. She was talking about Anderson Cooper, "the American Jorge Ramos." If Cooper is giving the news report, I'm going to watch it. If Ramos is giving the news, I'm going to watch it.
If we follow her formula, I'm attracted to lean, gray haired, intelligent men. Is that so bad?

If you ask my other friend, I'm attracted to Persian men and Italians.

If you ask me today, I'm attracted to tattoed tough guys with a sense of humor.

The common denominator is that they have to be "petite."

$97.45

That was the cost for this evening's entertainment. Coldplay concert in Oakland that is! It was cool. I had a great time considering I went by myself. I bought the ticket in November 2005 and at the time January 2006 seemed so far away to even remember with holiday festivities and all.

My seat was 20 feet away from the stage. What made the ticket worth it? At one point in the concert I was an arm's length away from lead singer Chris Martin. He left the stage and ran through the aisle with three (or four) bodyguards in tow. If I had reached out I would have touched him (or have the bodyguards slap my hand away), but it was enough to see him close up. There were two teenage girls who went crazy. I'm talking close to tears crazy for being that close to him. To be young again and excited in those ways again. (sigh) jejejejjeej

Fiona Apple opened the concert. I'm not a Fiona fan, but her set was alright.

I didn't think Coldplay would attract the pot-smoking crowd. Goes to show you what I know. They were into the second song when the people in front of me started smoking. Fourth to the last song and the people behind me were passing around a joint. It just so happens that I work with some of those people, it was a surprise to wind up sitting next to them. Now I know they 'smoke.'

I chatted with the person to my right. Nice guy. He will be going to tomorrow's concert in San Jose. The person to my left didn't talk.

I sang and danced to every song. For once I knew all the words. Well...except to the Johnny Cash song. I didn't know those words. Now I am not saying I'm a great dancer, but let it be known that some people cannot move. I couldn't tell if they were intoxicated or if they just plain had no rhythm whatsoever. It was kind of cute.

I'd definitely go see Coldplay again. Not tomorrow but rather when they are promoting their next album. It's my band. They, along with La Ley, got me through my last heartbreak.

Where's the sun?

Please let the rain stop. I don't want anymore rain, not even drizzles. I want warm days where I don't have to take a coat or jacket with me everytime I step out the door.

Went to see Chronicles of Narnia this evening. The book was better. I kept comparing it to the first Harry Potter movie and it could not compete.

Today on the way home I was overcome by a feeling which I'm trying to pinpoint. I'm not sure if it was sadness or loneliness. It was strange. If I had let myself, I think I would have been able to cry right then and there. It was short lived. As soon as I got home, I had things to take care of and the feeling was gone (or ignored) until now that I am writing about it.
I'll have to think about this and allow myself to feel whatever that feeling is when it happens again. Although part of me does not want it to happen again.

Losing my patience

It's hard to train someone when that person thinks they already know everything. This is what I am running into and I catch myself getting extremely frustrated. Frustrated because what that person needs to be doing is paying attention instead of interrupting me every 5 minutes with irrelevant questions.

How's that for venting.

I want to be a foodie

I'm slowly making my way back to reading blogs. I started sifting through some of the blogs in my favorites list and got hooked again. I've missed a lot.

I'm focusing on food blogs, because I want to start cooking atleast something every other day. I'm in the market for a kitchen mandolin. I can already see myself slicing away. ;)

Some people have tech gadgets, I want kitchen gadgets.

Investing

That is something I don't know how to do or don't have the confidence to do. As I'm writing this I'm viewing a show on the number of Hispanics in the States and the Spanish radio markets. Of course, Spanish radio stations often top the ranks list, we have the numbers behind us. I need to research companies that cater to Hispanics, because the purchasing power is too huge to ignore.
I've known this since high school when I entertained the idea of going into business. Grrr. Talk about dropping the ball.

I'm not starting from scratch, I have a brokerage account. I'm out to determine what I am going to do with it. I have time of my side, if I start now.

This all has to do with getting my financial house in order...one of the unwritten, unvocalized new year's resolutions.

I read Memoirs of a Geisha many years ago. I remember the story, somewhat. That is one of the my problems. I get all the books I've read mixed up. I don't have the greatest memory to recall these type of facts, or storylines. Yesterday I caught the movie, it was alright. I think I've stated this before, but it bugs me that Japanese actores were not used in this movie. In the end, it should not matter, but part of my thinks it does. I bet there are plenty of Japanese actors that could have played the roles. This is a new pet peeve of mine.
The cinematography was good. It made me want to travel back in time and be a fly on wall of some geisha house.

Did I mention I finally got my curtains up? Not without damaging the walls though. That part sucked.

Tomorrow I am going to start training a new person that has joined our team. I like her so I don't mind putting in the time. She's facing a huge learning curve. The only thing that worries me is the time it's going to take away from my own tasks. It's time to start working crazy hours again. I guess it was time, January has been pretty laxed..only 8 hour days. I almost feel guilty about that.

I'm reading the books for the Chronicles of Narnia so I can go watch the movie. I'm like that. I don't like to watch the movie, if I know there is a book out there somewhere. It's pretty good. I like deciphering the Christian undertones.

Body Art

I'm enjoying three shows this season. 'Dancing with the Stars' captures my attention from start to finish. Premise: You have 'stars' learning how to dance taught by professional dancers. I get a kick out of people trying something new. I like to see when they falter but more than anything when they succeed.

The two other shows are tattoo based shows. One of them is 'Miami Ink' about a tattoo shop in Miami. The other one is called 'Inked' set in Las Vegas. They have peaked my interest of getting a second tattoo. The work they do on these shows is really great stuff. I enjoy the stories of the people getting the tattoos. They give you a mini-background on why this person is going to get some art.
The shop members are seriously tattoed. This is terrible, but if I saw some of these people on a dark street, I'd be a little on edge. Maybe cross the street or grab my purse a little tighter. These shows show that lesson of always: never judge a book by its cover. Yeah they look a little weird if you are not used to seeing that, but they are just like you and me.

Broken everything

Yesterday was not my day. I broke the washing machine. I'm pretty sure I overloaded it. Three succesful loads and I got ambitious with the fourth one. When I went to the laundry room, it smelled like something was burning. I called it in fo repairs. Here's hoping they don't charge me. I mean...it could have happened to anybody.

Today was no my day. I gave the molly bolts a try when putting up the living room curtains. I followed directions to the letter. Now there are two nickel sized holes in the wall. I've plastered over them. All this and all I am trying to do is put up some simple curtains. In the end, I just used regular old screws. I can tell one set is not going to last very long. As sexist as this might sound, these are times when a boyfriend that is handy around the house would not hurt one little bit.

I have not been productive at work all this year. My schedule is changing everyday and that does not motivate me. So either I am going to sleep really late to give status tomorrow afternoon or wake up really early to have something to report. I don't know what my problem is, but I am not feeling the passion.

It's raining and it's cold. I only like this weather when I can lock myself up in my home with good books, great movies, easy music, hot chocolate and the heater on at full blast. Oh, and food, yummy food. My reality is getting up tomorrow. Dragging myself to work trying to avoid getting wet in the process.

I went out on a limb and invited some friends to Montreal. I've never been, they've never been. Hopefully, these plans will materialize.

It doesn't matter how old we get, we never seize to develop crushes. I need to find one for this month. jejejej It's fun seeing who has crushes on who and hearing the reasons why. Beauty (inner and outer) really is in the eye of the beholder.

My aunt has been diagnosed with the beginnings of cancer of the uterus. This is someone in my family, the first that I know of and I had no real reaction. Isn't lack of reaction shock?

Happy Belated New Year

To my neglected blog. I'm amazed at the speed at which time goes by. Part of me is scared too. I admit it. Will I look back and regret some of these years? I don't think so, but I really don't know. I need to live by that quote that goes something like "live as if it were the last day of your life." If I were to live that way, I would be living within driving distance of my family. I'd be close enough to drop by for dinner or have them drop by at a moments notice.

Let see, I was in OKC for Christmas and New Years. I loved it. I have not relaxed that beautifully in a very long time. I enjoyed my family more than I have in years past. The weather was nice, it was not cold. It didn't even rain. I contacted my handful of dear friends, chatted it up like on the old days.

Came back to CA and extended my vacation at the last minute because I was not ready to go back to work. Got a cold which led to a fever which prompted me to stay home and get better since I was not being productive. I'm still coughing and sneezing too frequently for my comfort level, but I'm almost back to my old 'healthy' self.

During my vacatation I found out I could not donate one of my kidneys to my mom. Both of our hopes were up, and it was depressing. She's a strong lady, my mom. I started crying immediately it felt like a personal failure...my hopes were that high. Instead of me comforting her, she was comforting me telling me everything was going to be okay. There is the possibility to donate another way, it will take serious commitment on my part. More on that later.

I can't wait to se what this year has in store. I want to appreciate the good and hangle the bad with grace. Is that too much to ask for? I don't think so.