Sunday, March 28, 2004

Bad News


Bennifer. I really thought they were going to make it. Goes to show you what I know.

Jersey Girl
This was the cutest film this year. Predictable, but cute. The little girl, Raquel Castro, is adorable! I wanted to have a little daughter after watching this film. (And I've yet to have maternal instincts.)

There is a scene in this film where they deliver the bad news to Ben Affleck's character that his wife has died in childbirth. It was very moving. I've never been in a situation where I get bad news at a hospital or witnessed someone getting bad news. Thank goodness.

What is the best way to deliver bad news? I think sometimes there is no good way to deliver bad news. The worst way happen to my own mother. She got a call at work from one of her siblings telling her, "Mom died." Just like that. Talk about lacking an ounce of tact.

Last year I got an email at work. I was expecting a joke. I was in the middle of a project deadline and needed a quick break. I check my email and it said one of friends had passed away after a long health battle. Screw the project deadline, my day was done.

About a week ago I called the place where I volunteer to set up my schedule for the week. I was told that the coordinator, a very sweet person, had 24 hours to live. I had spoken to her about a week and a half ago. She was her cheery, happy self. A day later there was a message on my answering machine, she passed away about 3pm, almost 24 hours to the minute.

What have I learned? That I don't want to get bad news at work. Too bad it is not up to me to decide when.

Friday, March 26, 2004

Blue


I love the color blue, hence the name of my blog. Some people are attracted by bright, shiny objects. My attention is caught by the color blue. If I could, I would paint my apartment blue.

Trivia about the color blue:
"Blue represents peace, tranquility, calm, stability, harmony, unity, trust, truth, confidence, conservatism, security, cleanliness, order, loyalty, sky, water, cold, technology, and depression.
In China, blue is associated with immortality.
In Colombia, blue is associated with soap.
For Hindus blue is the color of Krishna.
For the Jews, blue symbolizes holiness.
In the Middle East blue is a protective color."

All this brings me to why I was tempted to see the next film. In the trailers for the film, Kate Winslet's hair was blue. No it was not because it was a Kauffman film. It was the blue hair.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
The premise of this movie is about selectively erasing memory associated with an event or person. I enjoyed it tremendously. Jim Carrey (Joel) did not get on my nerves for one second.

The film is not chronoligical, which usually I don't like, but it worked this time. In an interview with Charlie Rose, Charlie Kaufman said, "The audience only knows what Joel knows."

We walked out contemplating if we would or would not choose to erase certain memories. I would, no doubt about it. My friend said she would not because lessons are learned from every experience. My other friend did not know if he would or would not.

Yes, I agree lessons can be learned from experiences. But, there are some experiences that really teach no lessons whatsoever and only wreak havoc, if not worse.

Sunday, March 21, 2004

Montreal


All images I have seen of Montreal have been beautiful. It appears to be even more beautiful than Vancouver. And that is saying a lot, I loved Vancouver. It draws comparisons to the 'feel of' Europe. Until I make it to my all-time dream destination of Italy, Montreal will have to do...hopefully, sooner than later. (Unfortunately, 5 hours seems to be my airborne limit. *sigh*)

Taking Lives
This film takes place in Montreal. Dreary weather, cobblestone streets. (This is one of the reasons I like foreign films, I can see the places and pick up little things about the culture. The little that make the cut.)

My brother highly recommended I see this film. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that Angeline Jolie was the female lead. Yeah, right. He compared it to Silence of the Lambs. Reason enough for me.

It was somewhat predictable, but I still jumped a few times.

Chic Lit


Chick Lit is a new genre focusing on 20-something and 30-something single women. Think Ally McBeal, Bridget Jone's Diary and most recently Sex in the City.

I really enjoy Chick Lit books. They are fun to read and reveal stuff that really does happen in a woman's life. There are so many books in this area, that I've not had a chance to read. A large number of them come from England, go figure.

Jennifer Weiner has two books, which I enjoyed terribly. Good in Bed and In Her Shoes. I have to admit I bought Good in Bed because I expected to read the kind of stuff that makes a person blush. That did not happen. It was a genuinely sweet story.

These books did not activate my philosophical brain cells; instead, they made me laugh and sigh.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Envy and Jealousy


This past weekend I experienced a negative feeling towards someone I know. It's such an uncomfortable feeling. I have been trying to figure out which of the two feelings it is: envy or jealousy.

I know what jealousy feels like in the context of romantic relationships. Often times it was rooted in my own insecurity, other times I now think I felt it for a reason...as an indicator of sorts, as a wake-up call that something was not right in the relationship.
This past weekend the feeling was not rooted in insecurity. It was not jealousy.

I'm conflicted because consciously I want to feel genuine happiness for this person. I've been reflecting and the envious feeling is subsiding.

I'm glad to disclose that negative feelings are not a common occurrence for me. That is why when I do feel them, they are very pronounced and I get stuck in this questioning mode: Why?

I firmly believe that we have a choice in most things. I've made it a point to choose not to be envious and it is working.

The last time I felt 'potential' envy was some years ago. I say potential, because it was nipped in the bud before it bloomed. Thank goodness. I have had a simple life. I consider myself a simple person. Material things were of little importance until I moved here. While I do think that money makes things easier, I know it does not buy happiness. If happiness can be bought, the feeling is only temporary at best. I'm surrounded by a lot of people that are driven by money. I started to notice that this was having an effect on me when I started to want just for the sake of wanting, I could provide no reason for needing X or Y. I have not changed friends. Their priorities are still the same, but I've learned to respect those priorities as opposed to making them my own.

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Old People and Heaven


I first read Tuesdays with Morrie a couple of years ago. I love this book. It's extremely touching. It's a quick read. It reminds us of the 'important' stuff, the common-sense stuff we forget about. I gave this book as a gift to a couple of people and they loved it too. Man or woman, the receiver was touched and admitted to being close to tears. Maybe I just hang out with sensitive people.

Tuesdays reminds us that old people are living treasures and that we should appreciate it them all the way to the end. All the people that stick their parents in a nursing home should read this. I know, I know sometimes people can't take care of their aging parents. I guess the point is not to forget about them. I've volunteered at a nursing home. Sad. Very sad.

Since I thoroughly enjoyed Tuesdays with Morrie I knew I was going to read Mitch Albom's next work: The Five People You Meet in Heaven. The premise of this book is heaven and how it receives you. Each of the five people is there for a lesson or an insight.

It made me think about the people I interact with in my everyday life. The people I am nice to or rude to. It emphasizes how we are all interconnected. How the one thing you think is mundane, could have a huge effect on someone else...domino effect. A simpler version of the 'butterfly effect' which "is the essence of chaos."

I liked the story, but not more than Tuesdays with Morrie.

Saturday, March 13, 2004

Author and Extreme Sports


Secret Window
Johnny Depp. This man could not look bad even if he tried. This was a quirky suspense film. I enjoyed it. I didn't get it as fast as one of my companions did.

What was the deal with the 'secret window?' It had to be the secret window into the mind.


Touching the Void
I love watching extreme sports. The IronMan Triathlon in Kona, Hawaii. Mark Burnett's Eco-Challenge. Anything where people push themselves to their limit and sometimes beyond that limit. I sit there and root for everyone. Become emotional over people who have overcome obstacles to be there, e.g., cancer or blindness.

When I found out about this docu-drama it was a simple matter of deciding what day I'd see it. Mountain climbers battling the elements and having almost tragic consequences. Yes, they lived to tell about it and that is what makes this so chilling.

When they were describing the cold, I'd get cold. When they got teary-eyed, so did I. They were tested and yet they went back. I use the word 'fools' with the utmost respect.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Grief


Grief goes hand in hand with helplessness.
Anger. Questioning. Doubting. Healing. Action.

From my crisis training, I know the worst thing you can tell someone who
is grieving is "I know how you feel" or "I understand."

Everyday I make sure to look at the Yahoo headlines just to get a glimpse
at what is going on. Today what caught my attention was a bombing in Spain.
To the best of my knowledge things like this don't happen in Spain just like
I used to think they didn't happen here. These are not guerilla torn countries.
These are not places where every other week there is a bus bombing.

One of my friends is Spanish and I needed to check that her parents were
okay and not traveling near Madrid. They weren't. They were safe in the Canary
Islands. She's not sure about friends and acquaintances.
I always think 'no news is good news.' Bad news travels fast.

I've also been reading a few Spanish blogs, one in particular.
I checked in hoping the author didn't have bad news. He doesn't seem to.

Other than that there is nothing to do. Helplessness. Prayer.
Prayer for those affected to find peace in their hearts and minds.

I know how I felt three days after my birthday in 1995, which was also Easter Sunday.
Easter -> Celebration -> Renewal.
My best friends were visiting because I had moved away. I had my family, my friends.
We were celebrating. We were happy.

April 19, 1995 - The Oklahoma City Bombing
My mother and I were out shopping that morning. We thought we felt an earthquake.
But this was Oklahoma, not known for earthquakes. Someone said a gas main had
exploded. We went about our business. When we got home, we walked in to a ringing
phone. There were so many calls from family and friends wanting to know we were okay.
It was not registering. We turned on the TV. We saw. We were speechless. We cried.
My Spanish friend had been in that same area the day before. What if she had been
there that day...
In those days, I worked at a convenience store. After the bombing I did not see some
of the regular faces I would see every day. I didn't know them, but I knew their faces
and they were gone.
To this day, I am not able to visit the memorial that they built for the victims.

September 11, 2001 - World Trade Center/Pentagon
My morning alarm is the radio. In those days, I used to listen to this particular radio
station that pushed the envelope with their jokes. They said something about a plane
hitting a building. In my semi-sleep, I thought that joke was sick. Then they said
something about a second plane. I remember calling them a**holes and telling myself
I was not going to listen to them and their stupid jokes from that day forward.
Just as I was going to shut off the radio, they said it again. That is when I knew it was
not a joke. I turned on the TV. I saw. I was speechless. I cried. I wanted to be with
my family. It was my turn to call my friends and find out if they were okay. They were.
Two calls are still very vivid, the one to my father and the one to D.

These two events changed me. As cliche as it may sound, they took some of my
innocence. Introduced fear. Reminded me that I am not immortal. Reminded me that
nothing is guaranteed. Made me want to tell people I love that I love them.

"Life goes on." "Tiempo al tiempo." I get caught up with my goals, my life.

And then I get a reminder, like Madrid.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Gratitude


One of my coworkers expressed her gratitude for having
helped her out with her workload. She was grateful for
being able "to leave work at a reasonable hour like normal
people." She made me uncomfortable. I didn't volunteer
so she could thank me, I did it because I like her.

On the other hand, I always make it a point to thank
people when they help me out. It's only natural. It feels
good to be appreciated and not feel taken advantage of or
taken for granted.

I need to work on accepting a thank you, a compliment, or
just a nice comment out of the blue. Hell, I'm always on the
giving end, might as well enjoy being on the receiving end too.

Food


My "I'm going to cook this year" mentality has not worked out.
Yeah, I've dabbled with a few things and they turned out pretty
good, but a few things is not what I was aiming for.

A few months back there was and episode on 60 Minutes
about a French restaurant where meals average $500/person.
This place is the creme de la creme. 'Poor' people save up their
entire lives for this one meal. Now that is an appreciation for food.

I'm one of the many that eat for sustenance and not necessarily
for the pure enjoyment of it. Processed this, processed that.
Organic. All-natural. Fat-free. Cholestoral-free. Growth-hormones.
All these labels kill the enjoyment, if I think about them
for too long.

If I'm not cooking the stuff myself, might as well enjoy the
restaurants this city has to offer.

Vietnamese? Don't like it.
Indian? I'm not crazy about Indian food.
Chinese? Like it.
Japanese? Like it a lot more than Chinese food.
Korean? It's all right.
Thai? Like it well enough.
Greek? Love Greek food.
Italian? Love Italian food.
Persian? Love Persian food.
Mexican? Only the authentic stuff. The one made in
someone's home like my mom's or grandma's.
Cuban? I miss good Cuban food.
Puerto Rican? It's okay, prefer Cuban.
Peruvian? Like it.
French? Have only had it once and I didn't like it.
Russian? Not sure.
Filipino? Pretty good.
American? Of course, I like American food although I can't
name a specialty plate. And no, contrary to popular belief
it is not defined by McDonalds.

Monday, March 08, 2004

Posture


My posture sucks. For a long time I blamed it on the fact that I have been
working with computers for umpteenth years. (I'm not alone either, so many
people with bad posture.) I'm sure it lends to the bad posture, but it's lack
of discipline.

I don't want to be one of those little old ladies with a humpback.

My new daily to-do:
Suck in stomach. Pretend there is a string that elongates from my spine
AND SIT UP STRAIGHT.

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Homeowner


Me? I have thought about it, but not seriously. That just seems like such
an adult thing to do. (Oh yeah, I am an adult.)

I've been going nuts looking for a new apartment to call my home. Some
of the my coworkers want me to consider buying a home. In theory, it's a
great idea. And knowing how houses appreciate around here the sooner the
better.

They forget one key thing. All of them have a spouse that helps with the
monthly mortgage payment. It's not an excuse, but it does help relieve some
of the responsibility stress.

For now, I'm thinking about it. They have planted the seed of maybe settling
down and building some equity. I only thought I would be here for one year and
I'd go back to Los Angeles or move to another state. This year will be my fourth
anniversary here. Hmm...

Sun


What beautiful weather today. Sunny, just the right amount of breeze.
Days like this make the thought of moving away from California very hard
to fathom. We do have the best weather in the country. I'll have to call
my friends in other states and remind them. ;)

Saturday, March 06, 2004

Nostalgia


Time has flown by at warp speed. Where did the days go? It was just yesterday
that I was a kid, at least that is how it feels. Images from my youth are creeping
here and there. Thanks to VH1's I Love the 70s and I Love the 80s.

Seeing the icon images of those days is hysterical. The things that were popular.
The clothes we wore. Sweet memories. I'm waiting for The Cosby Show to be
released on DVD. Those were the days of "thank god it's Thursday." 8pm on NBC.

Which is why I went to see...

Starsky & Hutch
Talk about old school television comeback. Ben Stiller starring. I had to see it. I
use to have a pair of shoes, my favorite, that were exactly like Starsky's. Seeing
those on the big screen was worth the entire movie ticket and the movie was funny
to boot.

Monsieur Ibrahim
Great performance by Omar Sharif, the critics wrote. I just wondered who Omar
Sharif was. Apparently I have missed many of his early works: Lawrence of Arabia,
Doctor Zhivago
and Funny Girl to name some. Thank goodness
for Netflix.

This was a predictable but sweet film. Made me yearn for a grandfather figure in my
life. Never got to know either of them.

Friday, March 05, 2004

Forgiveness


One of the things I am personally working on for Lent and the rest of my life, really, is
forgiveness.

The Lord's Prayer has a line in it that works wonders for me. "...perdona nuestras ofensas
como tambien nosotros perdonamos a los que nos ofenden." As soon as I say this line
in church, the anger disappears. That is why I have purposefully not attended church, at times,
because I was not ready for the anger to go away.

Sick! Who would choose to be angry?

The priest had a sermon some time ago that made me laugh. He said, "Unos me dicen que no
perdonan porque no les 'nace.' No les nace? Perdonar es una decision."
It was not appropriate that I laughed right then and there, but the lightbulb went on in my
head.

(Why the intermingled Spanish? Because religion/spirituality for me is in Spanish. I've tried
to focus on English in this department, doesn't work. I feel like I am in class and should have
a notebook and pen in order to prepare for a quiz. Go figure.)

Two observations:
1) On some occasions I may not actually forgive people, I just forget what it was that
caused problems to begin with. This is not forgiveness. I know that. But the bitterness
is gone so in some ways it could be the same as forgiveness. ;)

2) Forgiveness does not guarantee that I (or the person forgiving me) want things to go
back to normal. People expect things to go back to 'how it used to be.' That does not
happen no matter how hard people try, unless people forget. (see #1)

FYI: I'm not an angry person. Shit just happens in this ride called Life.

Controversy


Anti-Semitic? I don't think so.
Violent? It ends with a crucifixion.
Marketing? Got the job done, with extra, special thanks to people who have been saying it's anti-semitic.
Director standing up for his beliefs? My hat's off to you.

Any project that inspires dialogue to the degree that this film has, I believe is worth seeing.

The Passion of the Christ
I have never flinched so much. I didn't expect to like it because of all the hype. I loved this film.
Spoken Arameic and Latin with English subtitles. The fact that I am Catholic lent to the fact
that I loved this film, but it was not the only reason.
Spoken dialogue is limited. It's all in the facial expressions and the body language.

Scourging scenes. Damn. It's historically documented people were tortured this way.
Makes me wonder if we, as humans, have become any more civilized.

When it was all over no one moved for minutes. Dead quiet. With all the movies I have
seen, and they have been too many to count, I have never witnessed such quiet in a
packed theatre.

It goes without saying that Christianity is not a prerequisite to have an opinion, but try to form it
after seeing it for yourself instead of letting everyone else's opinions make up your mind for you.
If you choose to watch it...that is.

I doubt this film will be recognized in next year's Oscars and that will be a shame.